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‘I wasn’t giving anything, Leo. I was taking. I got too close. I let Luca get attached to me because it made me feel...needed.’ She took a deep shuddering breath, shaking her head at her own foolishness. ‘It made me feel like—like I was his mother.’ She bit her lip. ‘Can’t you see how wrong that is? I’ve given him hope for something that can never happen.’
‘What makes you believe that it can never happen, Dara?’
‘Look at me, for goodness’ sake. I’m a control freak who works crazy hours and spends half the year travelling around the world with my nightclub magnate former playboy husband.’
‘That’s...quite a mouthful.’ Leo’s brows rose.
‘It’s the truth.’ She shrugged. ‘We’re not family people. Aside from the fact that we can never have our own biological children.’
Leo walked past her to the ancient stone boundary wall, leaning over to peer down at the rough sea below them. ‘I might be a jet-setting former playboy, but I think I would be ten times the father that mine was.’
Dara froze. ‘Leo, I didn’t mean that you wouldn’t make a great father. Of course you would. You’re easy-going and kind. You’re reliable and intelligent. You would be amazing.’ She shook her head. ‘But you’re married to me.’
‘Dara, if it wasn’t for you I would still be going through life without a true purpose. Falling in love with you made me realize what is truly important in life. Three years ago if you had told me that I would want to spend the rest of my life living in this castle I would have laughed you out of the room.’ He turned to her, taking both of her hands in his. ‘But here I am. And this is the only place I want to be.’
‘I can’t be somebody’s mother. I just can’t.’
‘Dara, did you ever stop and think that maybe it’s okay not to be the perfect mother? Sometimes it’s okay just to try your best. I mean, you’re telling me that you’re a workaholic, and yet the matron told me that you’ve been visiting the orphanage three times a week. That’s a two-hour round trip, alone, while simultaneously running your own business, yes?’
Dara shrugged. ‘I made the time.’
‘Exactly. Because you care about this boy.’ Leo stepped forward, grasping her hands in his. ‘Dara, I went to that orphanage today because I wanted to understand you. So that I could make you happy.’ He paused for a moment. ‘I honestly had no idea of the effect it would have on me. I suppose that somewhere in the back of my mind I’ve always worried that being raised by parents like mine meant that I could never be a good parent myself.’
‘You would make a wonderful father, Leo,’ Dara said softly.
‘I’m not so sure about wonderful. But after today I know I would like the opportunity to try.’
Dara looked up into her husband’s eyes and saw the emotion there. ‘Are you saying that you want us to start a family together?’
‘We’ve been a family from the moment you agreed to spend the rest of your life as my wife. I want to take this next step with you—to start a new adventure.’
Dara closed her eyes, letting the air finally whoosh into her lungs. The fear of even daring to want this had stopped her from acknowledging her true feelings about Luca. Hearing Leo say these things... Hearing him shine a proverbial light on her deepest yearnings...
She looked up at her husband once more and saw that he was watching her quietly.
‘I want to be Luca’s mother.’
The words came out rushed and tumbled over each other on their way. But once she had said them out loud it was as though she truly understood herself for the first time. Her hands started to shake—a quake that continued up her arms and down into her abdomen.
Leo put his arms around her but she gently removed them, needing to pace for a moment with this newfound sense of terror coursing through her. It was one thing to be afraid of wanting something that she knew could never happen. But to admit that she wanted it...? To open herself to rejection and heartbreak...?
To Leo this was a new feeling—the idea of becoming a parent. But for Dara this was a sensation that had haunted her for years, a thought that had consumed her at times. She had fought back against the feelings of hopelessness by cutting the thought out of her life altogether and deciding that she no longer wanted to become a mother.
Now she knew the truth. She had never stopped wanting it. She had just been waiting for this moment.
‘I can’t believe this is happening...’ Dara breathed, her thoughts swimming with the enormity of what they were discussing.
