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“I am. It’s the right thing for me to do.”

I went to where my bags were and started throwing my stuff inside. My apartment was in Hell’s Kitchen, so it wasn’t too far from here on the Upper West Side. It was going to be fine, as much as it hurt both of us. I came out of my room with my bag on my shoulder, right as Taylor stepped into the hall.

“Cody?” Taylor asked. She’d washed the makeup off her face and was wearing a huge t-shirt and leggings. “Where are you going?”

“Here, come sit with me,” I said, taking her hand. “I need to talk to you.”

“What are you going to tell me?” she asked. “Is everything okay?”

I stopped in the hall. Seeing her big, brown eyes already damp blew the wind right out of my sails. I put my bag down.

“I can’t do this,” I said in one breath. “Today showed me that I can’t be with you and be your bodyguard. So I need to go.”

“What?” Taylor grabbed my hand. “You can’t just— What do you mean? You guys saved me. That man didn’t take me. This wasn’t your fault.”

“It was, in some ways.” I gently pulled her hands off of me. “I’ve already made my decision, Taylor. I’ll always be here for you as a bodyguard, but as a boyfriend, I just can’t.”

She stared at me, her eyes filling with even more tears.

“You can’t be serious,” she stammered.

“I am.” The longer this went on, the more it hurt, and the more I wanted to stay. “I need to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Cody,please,” she called after me. But she didn’t follow me out the door.

I had to force myself not to look back at her as I left.

* * *

Since Taylor stayed at home for the next two days, I kept my distance. I was grateful for it. I didn’t want to deal with the struggle of being near her when I couldn’t be with her.

Plus, it worked out in other ways. My cousin, Brooke, had just been unceremoniously dumped after losing her job and didn’t have anywhere to go. I had to force her to fly here to stay with me, so she didn’t have to go back to her awful mother’s place. I gave her my bedroom, and I took the couch.

My couch wasn’t comfortable, but it didn’t matter. My sleep had been shit for the past two days for reasons unrelated to comfort. I sat there on my laptop, diving deep into the man who’d attacked Taylor to pass the time.

We’d gotten some information from other security cameras. He was about five-foot-ten, and his car was seen going toward the tunnel to Brooklyn. We were still getting information from as many cameras as possible, so I was hopeful that we’d find something.

“You’re still up?” Brooke asked, her voice sleepy. Her dark brown hair was up in a messy bun, her eyes bleary.

“Yeah. Why are you awake?” I asked.

“Can’t sleep. Figured I’d get some tea or something.” She wandered over to my kitchen, which was attached to my living room. “You’re working this late? It’s three in the morning.”

“Yeah. Just something from a case that’s bothering me a lot.” I sat back on the couch and sighed, running both of my hands over my face.

“I’m sorry.” She pulled down a mug. “Want some chamomile tea? I bought some. Might help.”

“Sure, I guess.”

She made the tea and came over to sit next to me. I thanked her, and we sipped our tea in silence.

“This fucking sucks,” she said. “This situation, I mean. Not the tea.”

I grunted in acknowledgement. She hadn’t noticed my bad mood, not that I wanted to tell her. She didn’t need any more bullshit in her life. She was the kind of person who was always willing to put her own needs aside if someone else was in pain, and I didn’t want to take away from her getting herself back on her feet.

“Love is stupid,” she added. “Can we pledge to throw love into the ocean? After strapping some concrete blocks to its feet?”

I snorted. “I guess. If it’ll make you feel better.”

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