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“Sure, sweetheart, but afterwards I want a chaser…” Nix needed to up his game, but his cheesy one liner seemed to have done the trick.
She tipped her head back and giggled loudly, then draped an arm over Nix’s shoulder. “Oh sweetie, I can suggest something sweet to chase this whiskey down with…”
Nix sat on the leather sofa and let the girl climb on top of him, practically straddling him. She immediately thrust her fingers into Nix’s hair. He closed his eyes and purred at her sharp, fake nails scratching his scalp. He watched Ash’s face. Ash saw, he scowled, and pouted. Nix smirked. The girl giggled and whispered something that Nix didn’t really listen to, then tipped his head back with a finger on the bottom of his chin. He let her then put the bottle to his lips and pour a generous slug of whiskey in his mouth.
And fuck it burned.
Burned so good.
He looked up and giggled, the alcohol already hitting his system. He looked up to Ash over by the bar. Ash narrowed his eyes, and in one fluid move, reached out and grabbed the person at the bar next to him. Another girl in a tight crop top and jeans. Ash kissed her, roughly, not taking his eyes off Nix.
Nix started unbuttoning his jeans, not taking his eyes off Ash.
Ash grabbed the ponytail of the girl and pulled her down onto her knees.
Oh yeah. This was a long game of forgiveness foreplay. This was the wicked game and Ash was the wickedest partner of them all. Ash was all in. And so was Nix. And Nix loved it. Ash had ruined him for life. He couldn't enjoy normal sex. Just a quick lay. It was this complicated game of shame and hate and Ash watching him and punishing him and Nix craving that punishment and earning his pleasure. Atoning.
Nix could be fuelled off this shit for eternity.
3 months later…
That fucker was coming closer,coming along to ruin Nix's day. Coming along to ruin Nix's life. That’s what Ash did. Ruin things. Ruin him. They’d been taunting each other for weeks now. Neither one of them had backed down that night. Ash seemed to have enjoyed watching Nix fuck that sweetbutt on the sofa. And Nix had been hard as fuck watching Ash. Nix only came when Ash came. He’d waited and watched and when Ash had released into that sweetbutt’s mouth, just a small gasp and a shudder, but Nix had seen, and knew what it meant, and Nix had closed his eyes and released his load, too. Into a condom, of course. But fuck, imagine if he’d done it unprotected…
Shit.
They hadn’t spoken, but had been watching each other blatantly and obviously the whole time. Dancing around each other, goading each other on, practically edging together without touching. It was building. But Nix wasn’t going to be the one to break first.
Nix didn't move from his spot on the sun lounger as Ash got closer. It had been a cute as fuck wedding ceremony. Or hand tying ceremony or whatever the fuck it was. Phantom and Sophie. Beauty and the Beast. Nix didn't know Phantom very well. He seemed scary as hell. Shit had happened to Nix but it wasn't as bad as whatever had happened to Phantom. Nix had not heard the full story. Something about being rescued from a Mexican drug cartel, where he'd been forced into a life of killing and abuse. Phantom never talked, or Nix had never heard Phantom talk, anyway. So Nix would have to ask someone to fill him in on the tale. And how the fuck Phantom had managed to bag the cute little brunette ice cream shop owner? She'd gazed at Phantom like she'd go to hell for that guy, if he asked her to. Nix had enjoyed watching it all, enjoyed feeling the love around him, from everyone, for each other. It had felt fucking good. Nix had taken a moment for himself to chill out and enjoy the atmosphere.
Nix bristled. The guy who'd sent him on a one way ticket to hell himself stood only a few feet away now. Back facing Nix. Of course. Laughing loudly with Colt, April and that policeman pig who was always hanging around, Carmelo Rossetti.
Ash.
Laughing loudly, refusing to look or acknowledge Nix. Probably hooking up with that pig policeman. Fucker.
Nix seethed. He deserved Ash's disdain, he knew that, but Nix seethed anyway. Nix had been a dick. But they were at an impasse. Nix couldn't forgive Ash, for how he'd left, for what had happened. The fight, for making his way into Nix's heart in the first place, for his words of poison that had seeped into Nix's blood and infected him. Addicted him. For the dark, hungry demons that Ash had unleashed, for the battles Nix had had every night since Ash had left him. The constant vicious cycle of arguments Nix had had with his heart and his head and his soul.
Did he want Ash? Truly? Not just fucking around, was it something real? Or did he want men? Was he gay after all? Should he admit it to himself or hide it, fight it? This was what Nix had grappled with while he was left behind. The demons had circled and descended and feasted off him. Nix knew he was being a dick by holding it against Ash, for blaming him for everything. Not everything was, in fact, Ash's fault. But Nix had been an ungrateful brat when Ash picked him up from prison. He'd denied Ash in front of the whole MC and now Ash couldn't forgive him. And Nix couldn't forgive Ash.
And Ash knew Nix wasn't gay. He'd been more than okay hooking up with girls at the MC. Physically. Once Nix closed his eyes at night, though, of course it was Ash that Nix saw, not whichever nameless female he'd shared a bed with.
Nix pretended to still be relaxing calmly on the sun lounger, overlooking the merry occasion, mulling these thoughts over in his head, when he was rudely interrupted.
By a scoop of ice cream. A plop of cold, pink colored vegan ice cream that spiraled right onto Nix's left pectoral.
As if it was in slow motion like an avalanche in a cold, craggy mountain peak, it began to roll. Down Nix's chest. Into the valley of muscles between his six pack, down, down, down.
Nix watched with shocked horror. People went quiet. Everyone stared. He felt eyes on him. It rolled still, over his jeans now, over his crotch, down his inner thigh and finally plopped with a wet splat onto the slate floor.
Nix pursed his lips and snapped his head up. Whoever had done that was going to get the beating of their life. "You better clean that up-” Nix began, looking up.
Of course.
Of course it was him. Ash. Ash was staring down at Nix. It was the first time they had both really looked at each other in months. The first time they looked each other in the eye. There, Nix was set adrift once again all over again in the gaze of Ash. Well fuck.
"Nixy boy," Ash's voice wheedled, "did you get dirty?"
The air left Nix's body. It was a physiological reaction. It always was, with Ash. Always had been. Always... Fuck it... always would be.
