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Colt shrugged, relieving the moment. “Both I think. This is their foreplay.”
Lyle looked back at Ash and Nix. Ash landed a jab to Nix’s chest that took Nix’s breath away. But Nix followed up with a solid haymaker that sent Ash to his butt on the floor.
Lyle grunted. “Huh, Ash likes getting hurt, huh?”
Colt frowned and shook his head. “Pretty sure it's the other way 'round.”
“My money’s on Nix winning this one.”
“But Ash wants it more, see?” Colt said, nodding at Nix and Ash. “He’s burning up with it, and when people want things, they fight harder than ever, harder than another thought could be possible, harder than they, themselves, thought was possible.”
Lyle swallowed and looked down at the ground. Here it was. The lecture.
“You’re literally hanging by a thread here, Lyle. Now, if you want to get down, you can shrug your cut off, and split. I won’t stop you.”
Lyle gulped.
“Or, you can stay, hanging by a thread, in your cut, and you can fucking beg to be forgiven. And we’ll get you home. And we’ll get you help. That's the deal.”
Lyle attempted to lick his lips; they were so dry they hurt his tongue. He stopped. He knew there was an easy option and a right option. And the right option wasn’t the easy option. He knew what he had to do. The only person stopping him was himself. He knew all of this, even his half poisoned brain could work this all out in the state he was in.
“I get it, I do. I’m a liability, a risk to the club,” Lyle managed to bark out.
“You are a risk to yourself, Lyle, a liability to your own life, you know that, right?”
Fuck. “Yeah.” Lyle risked a flicked gaze to Colt’s. Colt saw everything, the fucker. Colt could see. He didn’t care about his own life. Perhaps a part of him wanted to be a liability to himself. A large part of him, perhaps all of him, wished he did something so stupid it all just ended-
“Lyle, you have friends here, family here, you are one of us, when you hurt, we all hurt.”
Lyle laughed emptily. “No one missed me, huh? You only came to get me ‘cause you knew where I was, ‘cause I’d caused beef with another club-”
“I honestly thought you’d come back,” Colt cut him off.
Lyle took a breath and realized his chest was shaking.
Colt put a hand on his shoulder. On his head, gripped his hair tightly. “Fuck, I chose you to join me… as a brother… you are wanted, Lyle. You are needed.” Colt’s voice sounded shaky now.
“You don’t need me,” Lyle whispered, then frowned.
“I want to need you, Lyle, to remind me never to turn into… Cleaver.” Colt winced when he said the former Prez’s and his arch enemy’s name. Even though Cleaver was dead and forgotten, Lyle was surprised to see Colt was still bothered by the memory of him. “I never want to thirst for power and money. I only want what is best for the brothers around me. A safe haven, Lyle, for people who have been dealt a bad card, who have no one left-”
“I know-”
“So show it. Come on, I need you Lyle, you’re the oldest here, you’re the most experienced, step up for me, brother-”
Lyle sighed. “Alright, I get it, I get it, I’ll do better-” he found himself stuttering. The emotion from Colt, Lyle had not expected. He thought he was in for a lecture. Not this. This was pulling on his chest. This was painful. This hurt.
“No drugs, Lyle, absolutely no blow-”
“No, I know, that was a fuck up-”
“And we’ll set a limit, okay. At the bar, a few beers a night, that’s all you’re allowed-”
Lyle sighed. He knew he’d struggle with that. A few bottles a night was what he had been having… a few bottles of hard liquor. Beer wouldn’t even touch the sides. But fuck it. He’d try. He’d give it a go. Again. Fucking one more time. Fuck, he was a glutton for punishment after all. Maybe like Nix. He felt it inside his heart. He knew he couldn’t do it, to step up as Colt was asking. He couldn’t be that man. Yeah, he looked the part. Big and scary and he’d been hanging around the MC for years and years… but he wasn’t the man they all thought he could be. He was empty inside. Just alcohol pumped through his veins, sharp-tasting and lethal. Not blood. But here he was, promising, to the man who he genuinely respected, saying he’d try one more time.
Colt fiddled about with the butcher's hook, releasing the chain to allow Lyle down, in his cut.
“Come on buddy, let’s get you home,” Colt said, steering Lyle toward the van.
