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She pulls her bottom lip between her white teeth before letting it go, and her sweet little tongue tips out to lick it. My palm itches to take her waist and pull her close. My body is begging me to kiss her.
“Monday,” she says, and I step back. I can’t force the issue without a warrant. I hand her the bag with her father’s belongings and turn back toward my vehicle to get away before I risk my career.
When I make it back to my SUV, I see that she is still standing there watching me. I pull away and make a U-turn to head back toward town and my life that doesn’t include her. I watch her in my rearview mirror as she moves toward the entrance of the bar.
TWO
SCOUT
As I sit in the back of the limousine holding Skyler’s hand, I try to hold in the tears. Yesterday we unloaded as much as we could from my trailer and helped my mom get ready for today. The places my father set up for us before he died are amazing. He had the original roadhouse turned into a clubhouse for the Handmaidens. There are plenty of rooms for everyone to stay in.
Mom wanted Sky and me to stay with her until they finish my apartment next week. Even though we’d planned to move here in a couple of years, it was as if my father knew something would get us here sooner. He had the original automotive repair garage that my grandfather opened completely redone. The upstairs is an apartment where Sky and I will live.
The rumble of all the pipes from the motorcycle escort doesn’t even comfort me. For once the sounds cause my body to tense. My father didn’t want a church service. He always wanted a graveside service and a wake at the saloon.
As the limo turns toward the Birch Hill Cemetery, my gut clenches. This is it. My father will be laid to rest next to his parents in the cemetery on the hill overlooking Fairbanks. I’ll never be able to hug him again. I won’t hear him tell me that I made the wrong choice. He only found out about my secret a couple of weeks before he died. It hurts that our last conversation was a fight. He was so mad at me.
I pull my bottom lip between my teeth and bite down. The pain is becoming too much. I feel a hand on mine and look back over at my mom.
“It’s okay, baby girl,” she reassures me. But she doesn’t even know yet. I need to tell her.
As the limo pulls up, I see all the cars lining the area. There are so many people here to celebrate my father’s life. But it’s the tall man in the black slacks and black button-down shirt that I can’t take my eyes off. His body is rocking and calling to me in a way I don’t want it to. Standing next to him is a little boy who is an exact miniature of him.
His sister is standing with him also. She showed up yesterday to help. Her deep purple hair is up in a bun and she’s in a black dress. She’d been working for my father as a bartender for a while now. I couldn’t hide my secret from her, but she hasn’t confronted me yet. Part of me hopes it will never come out, but I know it’s just a matter of time.
The door to the limo is opened and everyone else gets out. I sit with Sky and my mom for a moment longer, not ready for this. When my uncle reaches back in, he takes my hand and I step out on my shaky legs. My high heels sink into the gravel, and I steady myself. I reach in and help Skyler out and hold her hand tight in mine. Joel helps my mom next and doesn’t let her hand go as we move to the back of the hearse where my father’s casket is waiting.
Several of my father’s friends surround it, and I watch as they lift it up and carry it to the stand it will sit on during the ceremony. We follow behind and I can’t stop the tears now. They flow down my face and choke me. I can barely see through them. Skyler leans into me more and I reach down to pick her up in my arms. Even at almost ten, she’s light enough I can still carry her. She buries her face in my neck and I feel her tears against my skin.
As the funeral goes on and on, I can feel his eyes on me as I hold Skyler on my lap and then move her to the seat next to me. She never releases my hand. Anyone outside my circle would know she’s my daughter, just like I know the little boy with him is his. We both moved on with our lives.
* * *
Thad
Ican’t take my eyes off her or the little girl. Both are dressed in black dresses. The girl, Skyler—according to my sister is her name—has hair the same color as her mother’s, but her eyes are a blue from this distance. She looked over to me once, but she won’t let go of her mother. This has to be the child she had when she cheated on me.
The rumor mill had said she had an abortion and that’s why she left Fairbanks. But this child is around the right age. I still can’t believe that as soon as I left, she turned to someone else, but here is the proof.
When Scout finally looks over at me, I see the devastation in her eyes. She’s been crying silent tears since she walked up. This has to be hard for her. I know from talking to her father before he died that they weren’t as close as they used to be, but he still used to travel down to see her. He never once mentioned he had a granddaughter. Levi also didn’t talk about Scout much with me after I told him I didn’t want to listen.
Scout’s hair is down, hanging around her shoulders, and the sun is reflecting off the blond strands. She’s in a form-fitting black dress with long sleeves. I can see the ink along her arms and hand. I don’t know how I missed those on Thursday when I was questioning her, but I notice them now along with all the gauges and piercings in her ears. She even has a small diamond in her nose that I missed too. I was so focused on seeing her, I didn’t really see her.
She, again, is surrounded by members of her club and probably every other biker in Fairbanks and those that drove up from Anchorage and other communities. Her father was well known in the biker community. He never had any affiliations, and he welcomed all. It’s one of the angles I’ve been investigating. Did someone in the community have a grudge against him? That is the reason I questioned Scout.
When the funeral ends, I watch as the family stands and everyone walks over to the casket and puts a flower on it. Scout moves over and unwraps a band from her wrist, then drops it with a flower onto his casket as it’s lowered into the ground. I can make out that it’s black leather and braided. I’m still watching her as she moves away from the crowd and stands off to the side. Her daughter remains with the petite blonde, Frenchie.
“I’ll be back,” I say to Stormy, who nods and takes Ryder’s hand in hers.
I move toward where Scout is standing. A man walks up and offers his condolences. When he touches her arm, I want to rip it from his body for touching her, but I keep still.
“Thad,” she says my name softly as she pulls her sunglasses down over her eyes. I move toward her and pull her into my body. It’s the first time I’ve touched her in ten years. Her body is stiff, but she relaxes as I pull her into me tighter. Just holding her for this moment is like coming home. Every woman who came after her was compared to her. I thought I was going to have forever with her.
“I’m sorry for your loss, Scout. He loved you dearly and talked about you every chance he could. Told me how proud he was of you for opening your own shop and running it.” The words flow as I lean down and inhale her spicy scent. It’s all her. I’ve never smelled the combination but on her, and I do everything I can not to get hard.
She steps back and looks up at me. I see the tears rolling from under her glasses, and I reach out, dragging my hand along her cheek, to wipe the tears away. The distance between us now is as great as the Grand Canyon. She puts those walls up and reinforces them.
“Thad, I can’t do this.” She chokes on the words and steps back further from me. “I’m too vulnerable, and it isn’t right. We are done and I’m never going back there again.” Her words don’t have any force behind them. They are soft and full of hurt. A pain that isn’t just the loss of her father. Something else is hurting her, and I want to know if it’s the same pain I feel.
