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“Good,” Levin says, but his expression suggests it’s anything but. “Get some sleep, Lidiya,” he adds tersely, grabbing his sweatpants out of his duffel bag. “I’m sure you need it.”
By the time he comes out of the bathroom again I have the light turned off, snuggled deeply under the covers as he goes to the couch, but I’m far from asleep. I feel intensely aware of him, of the muscled size of him stretching out across the room from me, remembering how he felt against me earlier. He felt better than I could have imagined he would, huge and broad and powerful, turning me on more than any man ever has, even Grisha before I knew better.
I close my eyes, trying to force myself not to think of what it would feel like to have him in bed next to me, all of that warm, muscled bulk curled around me, keeping me safe. I know it’s ridiculous to think of him in terms of safety, a man who could be dangerous, a killer, any number of things that I don’t know about, but somehow I feel that if he were in bed with me right now, his arms wrapped around me and his warm breath on the back of my neck, I would feel less afraid.
And when I do fall asleep, he’s in my dreams, too.
He’s in bed with me, his lips against the back of my neck, his hand on my hip, pulling me back into him, into the hard bulge against my ass, grinding against me. “I want you, Lidiya,” he whispers, and I gasp as I feel him press into me, his fingers pulling down the soft cotton of my pajama pants, skimming over my hip, nudging my thighs open.
Before I know what’s happening, my t-shirt is up too, his hand palming my breast, squeezing it, fingers pinching my nipple and rolling it pleasurably between them as he nudges inside of me.
He feels so fucking good, hard and thick and huge, filling me until I wonder if I’ll be able to take all of him. I whimper, grinding back against him as the hand not toying with my nipple slides between my thighs, seeking out my aching clit, rubbing me there as he thrusts into me, fucking me with long slow strokes that push me higher inch by inch, closer to a climax.
“More,” I whimper breathlessly as he fucks me. “More, Levin, more,” and I feel him stiffen, grabbing me suddenly and tossing me onto my back on the bed. He rears over me, his hands squeezing my waist almost painfully as he shoves his cock into me again. The forcefulness of it tips me over the edge, sending my body rippling with the first shudders of my orgasm, and I cry out as I hear his voice rumble over me.
“Who the fuck is Levin?” he snarls, and my eyes fly open just as I start to come, gasping with shock as I see the man leaning over me, his grey-blue eyes glittering with anger as he fucks me hard and fast.
Grisha.
My eyes fly open for real, blinking wide into the darkness of the room, and I clap a hand over my mouth, wondering if I cried out in my sleep. Levin is very still on the couch, across the room, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. That doesn’t mean he’s asleep, that he didn’t hear me cry out, or—
I reach between my legs, gasping softly when I feel how wet I am, drenched with arousal from the dream of Levin fucking me. My fingertip grazes over my clit, so oversensitive that IknowI came in my sleep, something that’s only ever happened to me once before, when I’d gone nearly a year without sleeping with anyone.
This is too much. I can’t do this. I can’t.I swallow hard against the panic fluttering in my chest at the thought of going back to Grisha’s, of letting him touch me, of sleeping with him again. It’s even worse now, because not only do I not want him, there’s someone Idowant, someone who should be completely off limits to me.
I close my eyes, trying to go back to sleep, fighting against the thoughts that threaten to crowd out anything else, thoughts of escape.
But I know it’s going to be a long time before sleep returns.
---
At some point, I must have fallen asleep, because I wake up to the light filtering through the curtains and the sound of Levin showering in the bathroom. I sit bolt upright in bed, realizing that I’m completely alone for the moment, dangerous thoughts running through my head. Reckless thoughts.
Thoughts that I can’t push back any longer.
I can’t do this, I can’t do this. I can’t.
Run.
Run away.
You’ll figure something out. Justgo, while you have the chance!
I’m too off-balance from last night and the dream, my lingering fear and tangled emotions, to fight off the urge the way I know I should. I scramble up from the bed before I can stop myself, feeling unhinged as I drag on a pair of jeans with shaking hands, listening keenly for the sound of the shower turning off as I pull on a sweater, grabbing my clutch as I make a mad dash for the door. I half expect to feel Levin’s hand on my arm as I turn the knob, dragging me back as he materializes out of nowhere, but instead the door simply opens and I’m out in the hall, my heart pounding so hard that it hurts.
I’ve gotten this far. I have to keep going.There’s not much of an excuse now if he catches me, he’ll take one look at my haphazard clothes and tangled hair and flushed face and know what I’m doing. And then—
Maybe then he takes the money, and abandons me to whoever comes after him. The cruel men he keeps mentioning.
I make a dash for the elevator, thinking with every step that he’s going to be behind me, but he must have just gotten into the shower when I woke up, because I make it down to the lobby and then out to the street, flagging down a cab.
I give them my apartment address without thinking.I have a little money hidden there,I think frantically to myself.I’ll get that, and some clothes to replace the ones I left at the hotel, and get the ten thousand out before Levin can freeze my accounts. I’ll go get mybabushka, and we’ll get out of town. There has to be somewhere they can’t follow us, somewhere—
I grip the edge of my seat, willing the cab driver to go faster. To get me to my apartment before Levin can realize I’m gone, so I can take this last chance to get away, and keep from having to do the one thing I so desperately want to avoid.
My very last chance.
Lidiya
