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“We can talk about it,” I say carefully. “I’ve waited a long time to get to go out on a dig. I was meant to go to Rome this summer. So I think it’s something I’d have to consider–”
“I hate the idea of you being away from me for so long.” He reaches for my hand, stroking the back of it, as if that’s meant to be romantic. “How long does something like that go on, anyway? Three months?”
“Four, for something like this, mid-school year. But when I’m working, longer, maybe. It’s what I’ve always wanted, though. This is my dream.”
“Of course.” His tone is meant to be soothing, I think, but it just sounds condescending to my ears. “I want you to be happy, Lidiya. It’s just that I’m thinking of what might be best for us–”
“I still don’t know anything about what you do.” I hope my expression is more curious than annoyed. “I’m really interested. I know you said it’s boring, but I want to know more about you, more than what we’ve shared in the past, especially if–”
“--if we’re going to have a life together. Yes, I know.” Grish frowns slightly. “It’s all just business, Lidiya. I make investments. It’s very hard to explain to someone who isn’t in this kind of field. I give others money, invest in their ventures, in order to make more money of my own. Nothing all that interesting, really.”
He’s impressively vague, I have to give him that. “What kind of businesses?” I ask innocently, taking a bite out of my toast. “Anything that you’re particularly excited about?”
“Tech, mostly,” he says with a tight smile. “Some brick-and-mortar establishments. Restaurants or bars, that sort of thing.”
“I’d love to go to one that you’d invested in, sometime.” I flash him a smile. “See what you’ve helped create.’
“Of course.” He takes one last bite of his own breakfast, standing up. “But I have to get to work now, actually. I can call you a cab home–”
“I’ll get it. I can lock up as I leave. I just want to finish eating.”
“Of course.” He leans in as he walks around the central island where we’d sat for breakfast, giving me a lingering kiss on the lips. “I want to see you again soon, Lidiya. Tomorrow night, maybe?”
“Sure.” I force a smile, even as I feel my stomach tighten with anxiety. “I’d love that.”
Before I leave the apartment, once Grisha’s gone, I poke around once more to see if he left any keys behind, any way that I might be able to get into his office. I check every room, even rifling through the dresser in the bedroom, but there’s nothing.
Feeling slightly defeated, I call Levin, who tells me that he’ll pick me up two blocks from the apartment. I slip on my coat and gloves, wishing more than anything that I wouldn’t have to come back here again. I want nothing more to do with Grisha, especially after this morning’s discussion.
But I don’t have a choice.
Levin is markedly silent as I slip into the car. I look over at him, at the profile of his chiseled, handsome face, now with a ghost of stubble on his chin, and I can hear his voice in my ear all over again, telling me to touch myself, telling me to come.
NowI feel the desire that I couldn’t muster this morning. Sitting next to him, I feel hot and cold all over, my skin tingling as I fold my hands into my lap and wait for him to say something.
“Did you find anything out?” Levin asks finally as we near the hotel.
“Not really. I tried to ask him some questions about his business, but it didn’t get far. He’s very tight-lipped about it all.”
“As expected. But you’ll need to find something out. Try to talk to him after sex, when he’s in a good mood, relaxed.”
“That should have been this morning.” There’s a sharp note in my voice, as if IwantLevin to know what happened. I want him to be jealous. I want to see his jaw tighten, see his hands flex on the steering wheel–and I get exactly that.
“That’s enough,” he says quietly.
“What? You don’t want a play by play of this morning, too? Maybe I can masturbate for you in the hotel room while I explain exactly how Grisha woke me up with his cock–”
“Lidiya!”
Levin’s voice booms through the car, and I go instantly small and silent, shrinking down in my seat.
“I had my reasons for what I did last night,” he says quietly. “But it may not have been the best way to go about it. We won’t talk about it again.”
Part of me wants to resist, to keep baiting him. But I know, deep down, that it’s for the best if wedon’ttalk about it.
I can’t manage what’s going on between Levin and I, the tension and chemistry that now constantly feels as if it’s on the verge of exploding, and also focus on this job that I have to do without fucking it up. I feel like I’m constantly on a razor-thin wire of making sure that I don’t do or say something that will give away to Grisha that I don’t want or care for him any longer.
I’ve never had to lie to or deceive anyone like this. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life.
