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Nothing has ever felt this good.
I reach for her hands, lifting them over her head and pinning them to the pillow as I kiss her again, softer and slower this time, as I slide deeper into her. Every inch is pure fucking ecstasy, and I fight to keep control as I fill her with my cock, groaning as she wraps her legs around my hips.
I don’t know how I’m ever going to let her go after this.
Lidiya moans against my lips, her body moving in rhythm with mine as I sink the rest of the way into her and begin to move, slow, shallow thrusts at first as I try to savor it, to not go too fast. I know we don’t have all the time in the world, but I want this to last.
Her breasts brush against my chest, her nails scratching down my back, and it feels beyond perfect. I’ve been with countless women, but I can’t remember a single one now, not a name or a face or a body, as if she’s wiped everything and everyone else away. There’s only her, and I know somewhere in the back of my mind that I should never have let it go this far, that it will make everything harder later on.
But I’m lost in her. The softness of her skin against mine, the scent of her, the sound of her moans in my ear, her gasping breaths as she gets closer to the edge. I can feel her body tightening under mine, arching and writhing, and I’m so close to my own climax that it’s all I can do to hold back, so that she can come on my cock before I pull out.
I don’t know how I’m going to manage to force myself to stop in time.
“Levin!” She cries out my name as her nails sink into my shoulders, her legs tightening around me as her moans turn into a high-pitched sound that sends a shudder of pleasure through me. “Oh god, Levin, I’m coming, I–”
“Fuck yes. Come for me,malysh. Come on my cock for me–”
“Come with me. Please–”
I know that she doesn’t realize what she’s asking. I want, more than anything in the fucking world, to drive my cock into her as I come and fill her up. I want to feel her spasming around my cock as we come at the same time. I want it more than I want to breathe–but I have the barest shred of self-control left, and I use it to cling to the edge of my climax as she shudders around me, hands clawing at my back, until the moment when I can’t stand it any longer.
I jerk out of her, groaning as my hand wraps around my cock, stroking feverishly as my cum explodes from it, shooting over her taut belly and up to her breasts, streaking over her nipples. She stares at me with pleasure-glazed eyes, watching as my hand shudders over my cock, my entire body shaking with the force of my orgasm.
“You didn’t have to–” she breathes, when she can speak again as I collapse next to her, my half-hard cock against my thigh as I try to catch my own breath. “I wanted you to–”
“I know,” I manage. “But you might have regretted it, after. It wasn’t smart. I wanted to, but–”
She presses her lips together, nodding. “Probably better,” she says on an exhale. “For something that doesn’t mean anything.”
It takes a moment for the words to register. As she sits up, I know I should let it go. I should even agree with her–say that it meant nothing.
But it would be a lie.
I catch her hand before I can stop myself.
“That’s not how I feel, Lidiya,” I tell her quietly.
She turns to look at me, startled. “What?”
“You make me feel differently than anyone else ever has. I know I shouldn’t be saying that–that it will only complicate things. But I don’t want you to leave here thinking–”
I swallow hard, feeling her hand tighten around mine. “I triednotto do this for so long because I knew it would change things, Lidiya. And I was right. This has never felt the way it did tonight with anyone. I don’t know how this works, exactly–”
Lidiya is staring at me now, her eyes wide. “Howwhatworks, Levin?”
“You know what I mean. I–we–we can’t talk about it now. But after the mission is done–”
“After the mission is done, I go back to my life.” Lidiya swallows hard. “Levin–”
She takes a deep breath, and there’s silence in the room, a heavy silence that I’m afraid to break. “I have to go clean up,” she says quietly. “And go back to–”
“I know.” I cut her off, unable to stand hearing her say that she has to go back to Grisha. For the first time, I know what it feels like to be caught in a trap of my own making.
As she gets up, squeezing my hand one final time before she walks into the bathroom and away from me, I can feel the jaws of it closing around me.
It will be the end of me, I know–if I’m not careful.
Lidiya
