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When Andie lifted her face to the sunbeams streaming through the trees overhead, Kiki ached for her sketchpad and pencils. She was Madonna, Aphrodite, and Mother Earth in this moment. A goddess of light who’d been robbed of the life she’d toiled to give, and her loss was as captivating and haunting as a Greek tragedy. Kiki saw something else in her friend though. There was life back in her eyes. Gone were the shadows of death that clouded her, keeping her veiled and separate from the rest of the world these past months. At last, there was a break on the horizon, a brief glimpse at clearer skies with the promise that the sun would shine once more.
“I’ve missed you,” Kiki confessed. “I’ve been so freaking worried for you. Hurting for you. God, Andie, this was the worst experience of my life. And the worst part is knowing that as bad as I feel? As hurt and sad and angry and confused as I am? It’s nothing compared to what you must be feeling. This sucks sideways. I’m so sorry, honey. So sorry.” With her face still tilting toward the warmth of the sun, Andie cut her eyes sideways to peer at Kiki.
“I’ve missed you too.” Her smile was as warm and healing as the rays she basked in. Too soon, the smile faded, and Andie went on. “I feel all hollow inside. Like everything has been emptied out and my body is just this big, vacant warehouse now. My soul is like this miniscule foreman in a hard hat wandering around my cavernous, echoey insides hollering ‘hello?’ But nobody’s there. I’m empty.”
Kiki didn’t know what to say to that, so she scooched closer, flung her arm over Andie’s shoulders, tilted her face up to the same sunbeam, and closed her eyes. She couldn’t fix what was hurting her friend, so she did the only thing she could do; she joined her. Side by side, they sat in the dirt and let the sun heal what it could, and together, they would face whatever came next.
Chapter 20
Luke cursed as the tongs of his pitchfork gauged into the stall floor for what felt like the millionth time. His stalls were going to look like neglected roads full of potholes if he kept this up. Even as he told himself to ease back, he dug into the boards again. “Damnit.” Giving up, Luke hurled the pitchfork across the barn, where it smashed against the other tools with a satisfying clatter. It wasn’t enough. He wanted to break things. Hell, he wanted to tear down the whole building with his bare hands. His fingers curled into fists, rage boiled in his chest, and the very magnitude of emotions boiling within him kept him rooted to the spot. He feared if he let even an ounce of what he was feeling out now, the devastation he’d unleash would be impossible to rein back in.
So, of course, that’s when Jax decided to visit.
Just as tall and wiry as he’d been when they were kids, the tax lawyer looked like a catalogue ad in his designer suit and fancy shoes. Luke had forgiven him somewhere along the way, and it had started long before the hospital. He’d just been too caught up in the momentum of life to have taken much notice of it. All he knew was that when he looked at Jax now, he saw his friend instead of his enemy.
That was Andie’s doing. Her magic. The woman was pure love and acceptance with nothing in her heart but rainbows and puppies. She infected him with her kindness. Her love of everyone and everything. She robbed him of his longest grudge without him even realizing it happened. Now, here he was, needing to beat something bloody, and he no longer had his favorite target.
“Thanks anyways,” he couldn’t help but taunt, “but I don’t need any Girl Scout cookies today.”
Jax never broke stride, though he did acknowledge the dig with a raised brow.
“Back to that again, are we?” His lip curled in distaste, and he crossed his arms over his chest. His all too knowing eyes coursed down to Luke’s clenched fists, and Jax dropped his hands to his sides, palms up. “If a fight’s what you need, I feel it is only fair to warn you that I kept up with those martial arts lessons we took as kids. I’d kick your ass, and though it’d makemegiddy as a Girl Scout, sadly, it would only makeyoufeel worse.”
“Fucking hell.” Undoubtedly as Jax had intended, Luke felt all the wild tension in his sails deflate. The comment was just ridiculous enough to distract and draw him back from the brink. “Want a beer?”
“It’s one in the afternoon,” Jax informed him stupidly.
“Exactly. It’s after noon, so let’s drink.” He stormed out of the barn as he said it and left the other man to follow or leave; Luke didn’t care which. “I’m doing more damage than good today anyway. Can’t keep my head straight for shit.” The screen door slapped shut behind him then he heard the squeak and slap as Jax followed in his wake. Luke took two bottles out of the fridge, tossed one over, popped the top on his, and took down half the bottle on the first pull.
“So, you gonna tell me why you’re here?” Luke would have sworn the question threw Jax.
He froze for an elongated moment, eyes darting, and looked like he’d rather bolt for the door than answer. But then he let out a huge sigh and took a swig of his own beer before he admitted, “I was worried about you.”
If Luke had taken a drink himself, he would’ve pulled off a movie quality spit-take. “Worried about… me?”
Jax looked as uncomfortable as Luke felt. “You’re my friend. You lost a— You suffered a loss. A big one. And you haven’t been around Andie’s since you dropped her off, like at all.”
“Hey,” Luke interjected, indignant, “I’m there every day. I’m busting my ass picking up the slack and still keeping things running here, and—”
“I know all that.” Jax held up his hands in front of him in the classic “don’t shoot” gesture. “I’m not talking about the work you’re doing. I’m wondering why you never spend any time with Andie anymore. You just disappeared on her.”
Luke felt his words like blows from a prize fighter. “She never really wanted me. She was only giving it a try because of the baby.” Saying the word scraped rusty nails across his tongue. “But… that’s done now. She’s free to do as she pleases. I don’t want to add anymore on top of what she’s already going through.”
“Bullshit.”
“Not bullshit. She was still dating you even when she was—”Pregnant. He couldn’t say it out loud, not when the burn of the last time he mentioned the baby still roiled in his gut like a lake of lava. “Even then. Nothing could say ‘she’s just not that into you’ more than that.”
“God, ugh.” Jax sounded like a man at the end of his rope. “How are you this stupid?” Luke could do nothing but blink at him.
“Huh?”
“See? Stupid.” Exasperation in every line of his body, Jax all but vibrated with it. “I was only ever a buffer between the two of you. I saw it even as it was happening. She only kept seeing me to keep you at arm’s length.”
“Exactly!” Luke interrupted, feeling a stabbing kind of vindication. “She was so not into me that she needed a buffer between us.”
“Moron,” Jax said and glared at him as he took another swig. “The buffer wasn’t because she didn’t care. The buffer was because she cared too much. She’s in love with you, idiot. You—being the idiot moron that you are—came on too Neanderthal, so she proceeded with caution, i.e. me. I knew all along the only reason I was there was as her safety net in case you screwed up and hurt her.” He shrugged.
“If that’s true, then why’d you stick around for it?” Luke wanted to know.
