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There is no reason to look back. No reason to return. Jenna will soon move on with her life, and those horrible images will be all she remembers of me. That strange pain shoots through me once more. It pierces my chest and invades every inch of me.
What has gotten into me? Why does the fact that Jenna will forget all about me hurt so badly? It is true, I didn't expect this, but now I have to accept it because that's how things should be. Everything happens for a reason, and it all ends well.
There is no room for hesitation and doubt. I cannot allow myself to feel any sort of emotional reaction because I can't afford to let this show. If I do, I might lose control. That will mean nothing will ever go right again.
Jenna will have to live without me. Nothing will change that.
TWENTY
JENNA
My mind races as I run through the streets, trying to avoid the debris of what were once houses. I don’t dare look too closely at anything or try to see the extent of the damage that has been done.
Seeing Verrin act so viciously catches me by surprise, although I know it shouldn't. It is his nature. He is a demon, after all. Still, the sight of it leaves me shaken and scared. I run to the first safe place I can think of.
The remnants of the town around me are disheartening. Half of the houses and buildings have been reduced to rubble, and I struggle to hold back my tears.
I pass people on the street as they wander around, confused and terrified by the destruction they see. I breathe a sigh of relief when I see Carmen's house is still standing. As soon as I have it in sight, I pick up the pace, wanting to get as far away from Verrin and what just occurred as possible.
When I reached the house, I took a deep breath before knocking on the door. I hope that Carmen was at home and not in any of the buildings that were destroyed. My heart pounds as I stand at her door, feeling like I am about to fall apart completely.
Carmen opens the door, looking shaken and worried. The sight of her brings a wave of relief that washes over me. The destruction all around us had miraculously missed her small house. Without saying a word, she steps aside and allows me to enter. As soon as I am inside, I tell her everything that happened.
Tears stream down my face as I recount the horrendous details of what I witnessed. Carmen sits on a chair while watching me with concern in her eyes. Once I finish, there is an awkward silence between us. I look at her for any kind of reaction or answer. When none comes, I ask, "What do you think?"
She looked away from me and said, "I don't know."
"You don't know?" I said with anger in my voice.
"No, I don't know," she answers calmly. My head falls into my hands, and I begin to cry quietly.
After a minute or two, Carmen gets up to make tea. The scene replays in my head as I sit in Carmen's carefully decorated living room. I saw the darkness in Verrin. It consumed him. Why didn't I see him for what he truly was? How could I have been so blind?
I sit alone in shock and confusion. It must be the trauma of everything that has happened that has left Carmen in such a state. I understand that. I’m still in disbelief myself, and I'm not sure there is anything she could say that will help the situation.
I try to think about something else. Yes, they were orcs, but all I see are the poor souls dying right in front of me. A chill runs up my spine as I recall how they were brutally tortured. My stomach turns as I imagine their screams. The thought that I might have been responsible for this is too much to bear. If only I could go back and change things, I would.
"Are you okay?" Carmen asks as she enters the room carrying a tray filled with a teapot and cups. She sets them on the table before sitting beside me.
"Yeah, I'm sorry, it's just ..." I stuttered, not knowing where to begin. "It was horrible, so horrible."
"Yes, it was." She nods as if trying to convince herself. "But you didn't do anything wrong, nothing. You did what you had to do to protect yourself. We all would have done the same thing. Maybe it’s a good thing that you won't see him again. You’ve seen what that demon is capable of."
Her words are comforting, but I’m still unable to shake off the feeling of guilt. I know it’s true, but the thought of never seeing him again still hurts.
After pouring hot water into the cups, she hands me one. "Here, drink this. It will help you sleep better tonight."
I'm not sure that anything will grant me a peaceful night's sleep at this point. My head is swimming with thoughts of everything that has happened. Verrin got the necklace but at what cost? The homes and businesses of many innocent people were destroyed along with the orcs. Was the sacrifice worth it?
I shook my head, trying to clear my mind. It was no use. Sleep will come when it wants, and I cannot stop it. The memories will haunt me. I'm sure of it. Verrin is probably back where he belongs now, and I am not sure how I should feel about it.
I guess I am glad that he is gone, but then again, I want him back even more. Even if he is dangerous, I wish he wouldn’t stay away from me. What am I thinking? This isn't the time for these kinds of feelings. They will ruin everything.
"You aren't going to sleep any time soon, are you?" Carmen asked, noticing that my cup was empty.
I shrug in response, not trusting my voice to speak. I fear that I may burst into tears again and not be able to get the words out. I'm exhausted, but the idea of being able to close my eyes seems impossible at the moment. The awful images that remain in my head will haunt every moment of rest I attempt.
"You can rest here if you want, or if you want to talk more, I will listen," she offers.
