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“You need to change your behavior now,” my mother hissed. “Don’t drag us down with you. Surely you have some shame still, some care for those who raised you.”
I realized that my parents are deadly serious. They’ll beat me, keep me from food, whatever they need to do to show that they’re still good members of the community. The loyalty they feel toward me as their daughter will only go so far.
I lowered my head, putting as much contrition in my voice as I could. “I understand, mother. I’m sorry.”
“You had better be,” my father muttered. “I don’t know how we’ll fix this, Tessa. I really don’t.”
We’re silent the rest of the way back to the farm. I go to my room and shut the door behind me. I don’t want to talk to my parents. I don’t want to talk to any of them. They don’t know Varzig, not like I do.
Right?
Away from the crowd and the adrenaline, the anger is fading. Sadness is welling up in its place, tears hot in my eyes. I buried my face in my childhood pillow. It smells of dirt and mildew, so different from his delicious scent.
My heart feels ready to break. They do have a point. Varzig and I are different, very different. He’s from a world I can barely imagine, a storm-locked island of demons.
I love him, and he loves me, but can that really last? Or will he get tired of me, and I’ll go back to being a nothing human, barely different from an animal to him?
Am I just kidding myself, thinking we can make it? That our love is strong enough not to be torn apart?
FIFTEEN
VARZIG
The words of the villagers play and replay over and over again in my head.
And all I can see is Tessa’s small form, her shoulders hunched over, as she listens to them hurling insults.
All because of me.
Were her shoulders hunched over with shame? Shame because she has realized what she has done?
My head is a muddled mess, and I’m thinking and seeing everything all at once.
I have ruined Tessa. I’m a demon, and I have taken advantage of a defenseless human girl.
And even though I’m sure Tessa wants me as much as I want her, I do not doubt that I have ruined her.
I know she wants me, but is it the right choice for her to make? Should she even be making a choice like this?
Is she in a position to make a decision like this? A decision to be with a demon?
It doesn’t matter. I don’t want to encourage her. Even if she should be making this decision.
Looking at her from where I stand, I can see her sadness in the movement of her body.
The villagers have left her alone for a second, but her parents are still gathered around her. Her father gestures wildly, shouting at her.
Tessa is lifting firewood and she’s preparing for evening dinner.
From where I stand, I can see that her forehead is furrowed. There are dark circles under her eyes.
And the corners of her mouth are downturned in a frown. I have caused her so many problems. Deciding to leave is the easiest thing I have ever done.
I will return to the camp and speak to the soz’garoth. As much as I dislike the mad, old demon, I will come clean.
I will tell him about the book, and then I can disappear from her life forever. For Tessa, it will be as though we never met.
A sharp pain twinged in my chest, and I bent over double, gasping for air. Heat rises in my face at the humiliation I feel.
