Page 8 of The Love for Pain


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Sasha is my angel. I would have been a demon if she didn't come to save me. I might be slipping away, but I can forget about my evil thoughts as long as I'm with her.

"Sasha," I utter when she walks out of the bathroom. Her eyes are puffy from crying. I want to hug her, but I step back instead. I am afraid that if she pushes me, it'll be our end.

“Can we leave this house today?” Sasha asks. “I don’t like this house anymore.”

“Sasha, about…”

"I'm not religious, but I believe in good and evil beyond us," Sasha cuts. "Something in this house is trying to break us. I'm starting to have doubts, Gabriel. I hate having them."

"But can we talk about what happened in the basement?" I insisted. "We can't just brush it off."

Sasha falls silent. I step closer, and she readies to step back but stops herself. I smile softly at her while reaching for her hand. The moment I touch her, I pull her close and hug her tight, thankful that she’s still with me.

"I don't know what got into me, Sasha. But I'm sorry," I beg while tightening my embrace. "Please don't leave me. I need you…" I pause and secretly addto save me.

“I’m not leaving you, Gabriel. I was shocked and angry, and yes, I thought of it, but I couldn’t leave you,” Sasha cries while hugging me back. “It’s this house. I thought I belonged here, but it is starting to scare me.”

“It’s not the house, but it’s me,” I tell Sasha. She looks at me, confused. I smile and say, “One truth.”

Sasha gulps to calm herself, but I can see her cheeks redden from fear. She looks at me and nods. I want to tell her the truth, but that will only send her away rather than make her stay. I should confess who I am, but that will scare her even more. And so, I have to tell her a lie that is somehow true.

"My father is a bad man," I meant her father. "He was cruel to other women except for one." Xerxes was like that. Cruel to everyone except for Sasha. I close my hands into fists and add, “His cruelty may be running through my veins. And maybe sometimes I can’t control it.”

It's true. Xerxes's cruelty is in my veins. I lived to kill and be cruel to him and Sasha. I have promised to let go of my plan against Sasha, but now I know I can't control it. It's because Xerxes is still alive. He keeps the anger inside me awake.

"No, Gabriel," Sasha quickly objects. "You are not your father. If he's a bad man, it doesn't make you one, too."

"I may have anger issues. I can be cruel, too," I warn Sasha. "Maybe it’s better if you and I…."

Sasha shakes her head. "We have pasts that can affect our minds, Gabriel. Sometimes, we think it's already healed, but it's not," she holds my cheeks and looks straight into my eyes, "You are not your father. And I'm not leaving you or will stop loving you."

Her declaration overwhelms me. I carry her swiftly in my arms and kiss her lips that I have violated. Sasha does not respond for a moment. Her lips only shake, as if she's still scared of what I've done to her mouth. But she counters her hesitation and initiates the next kiss. I want to kiss her more passionately and stick my tongue into her mouth, but I'm afraid it can trigger her fear. And like the woman destined for me, she read my worries. She adjusts the heat of her kiss by teasing my tongue to follow hers inside her mouth. When it's inside her, she sucks on it, assuring me that I can kiss her the way I want.

“Stay true to your words, Sasha." My words sound like a plea and a warning.

I need her to keep the promise to stay with me. It's the only way she'll be safe from the demons I want to unleash against her father. It is also by her side that I can finally get rid of them.

#

Sasha

“Are you sure about this?” Gabriel asks me as I lead him to the bed.

I cannot let him feel that I’m afraid of him, even if I am still a little scared. Gabriel has told me something about his past – his family. Some may call me stupid for instantly believing it, but I keep holding on to our promise to trust each other. But I can feel that something from his past hurts him. It can be his parents’ death or the abuses he received for growing up as an orphan.

My father is a bad man.It's as if he also told the truth about my father. Papa is also a cruel man to others but a loving father to me. I also believe he was a good husband to my mother. I also thought I might become a cruel person because he's my father. But I have long chosen not to be like him; hence, I always strive to be good to everyone.

If I can be good to strangers, why should I forsake the man I love just because he let his anger take the best of him? I caress Gabriel’s cheek and answer his question with a kiss.

I roll his shirt off him and go down to my knees to face his bulge. Gabriel looks at me with worry. I smile at him and release his cock. "Sasha," Gabriel steps back when I am to take his shaft into my mouth.

“It is where all these doubts and fears started. We should confront it from here,” I explain.

My father always told me not to bury fear by being brave about something else. A person should face her fear where it all begins. Gabriel and I had this conflict because of my hesitations and fear of his rough ways. His anger springs from frustrations. Maybe I need to adjust to his preference more just as he adjusts to the complication I bring into this relationship. We may have fallen deep into this romance fast, but it doesn't mean we should skip steps to make it stronger. I have to understand his ways, and he must understand mine.

Gabriel doesn't object when I take his cock in my hand and massage it rougher than I usually do. I did this to him the other day, and he loved it. Maybe I was too gentle a while ago? Or I never cared to remember how he preferred it? I look at Gabriel, and though I hate to admit it, I think it was my fault he lost control. I didn't do well like last time. But now I will. He wants it rough; I will take it rough.

Gabriel shakes a little when I take his cock into my mouth. I squeeze the hilt hard and suck the upper part, producing a groan from him. His groans become loud grunts when I bob my head fast, sliding his cock into my mouth, slowly touching deeper parts of it.

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