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Misha isn’t ready.
“Can I tell you something?” I ask anxiously.
He casts a wary glance in my direction. “If you must.”
“Before the explosion happened, it felt like maybe you’d changed your mind. About me, I mean. It felt like you wanted… more. More out of our marriage.”
He doesn’t say anything. Not even a glimmer of acknowledgement on his face. So I bite the bullet and just keep going.
“I’ll admit, at that point, I was still reeling from the fight we had in the hospital. I was hurt and angry and I was trying to protect myself. So I was resisting your attempts to make amends. But I want you to know… I’m over it. I forgive you.”
I study him for some kind of reaction, but there’s nothing. He looks at me with vacant eyes, andfuck, I can’t stand that. I’m tired of feeling alone in my own house, in my own life.
I want him here with me.
“Are you hearing me, Misha? I forgive you. I want to move on. I want us to make things work between us for the sake of the family. And for the sake of our children.”
He lets me stew in the silence for so long that every second that passes without a word from him is physically painful.
“You’re really not going to say anything?” I ask at last.
“There’s nothing to say.” He works his jaw one way and then the other. “This arrangement is all I can offer you, Paige.”
Once again, hope shatters at my feet. I should let it lie there—and yet here I am once again, gathering the pieces, my hands sliced and bleeding from the jagged edges.
“So… am I right in assuming the explosion changed something for you?”
“I lost focus,” he says quietly. “Nothing can get in the way of my plan to get revenge on Petyr for all that he has cost this family.”
He looks away, but I reach out and stroke my hand along his jaw. He tenses under my touch, but he turns back to me. His eyes bore into mine, unending depths of emotion there for me to explore.
If only I had all the time it would take to do that. Centuries. Lifetimes.
“This is all new for me,” he says at last.
“What is?”
He shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me. Just tell the truth, Misha. That explosion changed your mind because it scared you. Petyr got close to you, your house. You made one slip and almost paid for it. But—”
“He got too close toyou,” he says suddenly.
The words bump me off-balance. But I try to recover as quickly as I can so we don’t lose this momentum. “And that scared you, didn’t it?”
“Paige…”
I grab his hand and hold on tight. “Look at me, Misha. You can tell me the truth. You can tell me you were scared you were going to lose—”
“I was scared I was going to lose the babies,” he growls.
But I know that catch, that wobble in his voice. There’s more here than he’s willing to say.
“And that’s all it was?” I press. “You were only worried about the babies?”
He sighs. “You know the answer.”
“I don’t,” I lie. “Tell me.”
