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As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I want to reel them back in. But it’s too late. Piper leans forward, her face creased in worry. “What happened to Emily wasn’t your fault.”
I don’t point out that this opinion is a far cry from the last time we were in the penthouse together and she accused me of murdering her myself.
“No, maybe not,” I agree. “But the only reason Emily was part of my world at all is because I hired her.”
“To get her off the street.”
“Off the street and into the underworld. That’s out of the frying pan and into the fire. Most people will tell you which one is better.” I shake my head. “She met Rodion the first month she worked for me. Just like you, she showed up at my house and there he was.”
Piper wrinkles her nose. “Did he show her the tattoo on his forearm? Maybe she would have felt the way I do about him if he led with the number of people he’d killed.”
“The tattoo was smaller back then. Even if he had shown it to her, Emily might have liked that.” Piper looks horrified, and I feel the need to defend who Emily was. “You have to understand, she’d been on her own for most of her life. Rodion is someone who… well, if you’re his friend, he’ll take care of you. I think Emily wanted that from someone.”
“It doesn’t sound like he took care of her, though. Tonight, he made it sound like he was a terrible boyfriend. He threatened her.”
“A lot of people put up with less than they deserve. It’s not like she had any good male role models to look up to.”
“She had you,” Piper says quickly.
I snort. “Are you sure you didn’t hit your head in that safe room or something? It almost seems like you just said I was a good man.”
“Well, you took care of Emily when she needed you to.” She shrugs. “You dressed in her clothes and fought off a pervy landlord. You gave her a job and got her off of the street. She even left you her son to take care of. Clearly, she trusted you.”
“Fuck knows why,” I murmur beneath my breath.
“Do you know why?” Piper asks softly. “It’s a serious question. You must have some idea why she trusted you. Especially after you said the two of you had a falling out. Why would she leave you her son if the two of you weren’t even talking?”
“It’s… complicated.”
She rests her cheek against the back of the couch and curls her legs against mine. “I have time for a story.”
She may have the time, but I’m not sure I have the desire to tell it.
I sigh. “The short version is that I never thought Rodion was good enough for Emily. I wanted the two of them to break up, but I didn’t want to order them apart. Emily was stubborn. If I’d forced her to end things with Rodion, she never would have listened. Then things between them got bad and—”
“You threatened to kill him,” Piper finishes. “Sorry, but that’s what you told Rodion tonight. You were going to protect Emily from him.”
I run a hand through my hair. “I was going to try. Then Emily pulled away from me. We would go weeks at a time or longer with no contact. I could have tracked her down, but I didn’t want to force her to talk to me if she didn’t want to. Not after I’d introduced her to Rodion and then pushed her away by trying to break them up. In a lot of ways, it made sense that she wouldn’t want to see me.”
Piper shakes her head. “No. It doesn’t make sense. She was just in a toxic relationship. She probably couldn’t see her way out and it was easier to blame you than it was to break through her own denial.”
“Well, she managed to break through it a little. Because right before she died, she showed up at my house with Benjamin.”
Piper’s green eyes widen in shock. “You—but wait, you said she left the baby on your doorstep. I assumed she did it because she knew she would be killed. Or maybe someone else brought him to you. But… you spoke to her that night?”
“At length,” I nod. “Emily showed up and begged me to take care of Benjamin and raise him as my own.”
“Why?” she asks, fully engrossed in the story.
I haven’t told anyone these details, but if I’m going to rope Piper into this life the same way I did Emily, she deserves to know everything.
“Honestly, she didn’t have very many options. I was the best choice out of a lineup of bad, worse, and terrifying.”
“Rodion was one of those?” Piper guesses.
I nod. “She knew she was pregnant when she and Rodion broke up, but she kept it from him. She didn’t trust him to be a good father.”
“But Rodion said the two of them were going to get back together once he came back from Russia.” Her eyes scroll back and forth like she’s piecing together the timeline in her head. She gasps. “The day she came to you with Benjamin is the same day Rodion was coming back into town! It’s the day she was murdered.”
