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“And I’m assuming that’s why you lived with your grandmother.”
My heart stutters. “What? How do you—I didn’t say that.”
“Yes, you did,” he says. “You yelled it, as a matter of fact.”
“Oh. Right.”
I was so concerned with getting Gram and Ashley away from Timofey that I wasn’t thinking straight. I said the first things that came to mind. They were deeply hurtful, which was kind of the point. Still…
Shame coils around my chest, squeezing tight.
I need to call Gram tonight. And Ashley, too. Telling them what is going on here might not be safe, but I have to explain myself somehow. I have to—
“It was good seeing you stand up for yourself,” Timofey says, interrupting my thought spiral. “I’ve never seen that side of you before.”
“You’re the one who ripped my sweater off. I think you’ve seen all the sides of me now.”
His hand stutters against my skin. It’s the tiniest outward sign of a reaction from him, but I cling to it. Somewhere under all the layers of armor, he’s a real person.
I think.
“Not all of them.” His voice is soft but stable. When he brings a bandage up to wrap over my arm, I flinch so hard I almost fall off the countertop.
If he’s looking for a sign I’m a real person, there’s yet another one. I’m embarrassingly human at the worst possible moments.
“I’m not actually going to kill you. Relax.”
“Easy for you to say. I’m sure relaxing isn’t hard when everyone is afraid of you. Isn’t that what you said?”
He nods. “I did. But I’m also not afraid of anything. Not anymore.”
I snort. “You’re such a liar. Everyone is afraid of something.”
“Even if I was, it’d be nothing compared to you. Few people fear things the way you fear being enclosed.” He opens his mouth to say something more, then seems to rethink it. His gaze softens, but I can still see the tick in his jaw when he does finally ask. “Something happened to you, didn’t it?”
I run my tongue over my teeth. It’s hard to look in control while I feel like a small child sitting in a therapist’s chair. “So what if it did? Am I supposed to be embarrassed?”
“Only if you choose to be.”
I shiver. The hairs on the back of my neck prick up almost painfully. “Why is anyone afraid of anything? Who knows?”
“You do. Yet another hint you let slip out when you were on fire.”
I chew on my lower lip, turning away as Timofey wraps my arm.
He’s right. I did let that slip. I remember it now because I can easily recall the look of shock and pain that crossed Gram’s face.
I’m not sure I’ll ever forget her expression when I blamed her for my claustrophobia, for leaving me with my parents when she knew they weren’t taking proper care of me. More importantly, I’ll never forget that I’m the one who put that expression there.
God, I need to call her tonight.
I need to fix this.
“Your mother hurt you,” he guesses. “She locked you—”
“It was nothing,” I snap before he can finish.
I can’t let him keep talking. Somehow, he can guess everything. And if he says it out loud, I won’t be able to hide my expression. The truth of it will be written all over my face and it will be yet another thing he can use against me. It will be another fragile piece of my mind and my life that he can hold in his hand and crumple like trash.
