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But his blue eyes were cold and he made a rather ostentatious show of glancing at his wristwatch. ‘You have half an hour before I’m due at a reception downtown,’ he said. ‘So you’d better get a move on.’
Suddenly she didn’t know where to begin. She wondered if she’d pushed him too far.
‘Jason came to see me.’
‘I thought he might once the harvest was over.’
She sucked in her lips. ‘He told me what happened.’
‘Anything in particular?’ he enquired unhelpfully. ‘How good the grape yield was? How he seems to have fallen for one of the local women?’
‘He told me that he didn’t come to you, asking for your help,’ she whispered. ‘That you went and found him out and offered it and I was wondering...’ She cleared her throat. ‘I was wondering just why you did that.’
But if she was hoping for a softening of his obdurate features, she was in for a disappointment because the only reaction she got was the contemptuous curve of his lips.
‘I think we both know exactly why I did it, Lexi. I wanted a legitimate way back into your life. I wanted to give our relationship one last go. Which I did. And I found out what I needed to know. It’s over. We’re over—we both know that. So why are you here?’
She wanted to curl up and die because the expression in his eyes was so cold. She’d never seen him look like that before and she felt the chill whisper of foreboding.
‘Because...’ She sucked in a deep breath. ‘Because finding that out...discovering that it wasn’t just some random act that brought you back into my life, well, that made a difference. It made me realise how important our marriage was to you. It made me examine what I was doing. It made me realise what I was about to throw away.’
He shook his dark head, tugging at his black bow tie as if he was impatient to be away. ‘You’re just focusing on a detail,’ he said. ‘Not on what is important. And what’s important is that you don’t want to make a life with me on any terms—you told me that yourself. But it’s okay. I’ll survive, Lex. We’ll both survive.’
‘But I don’t know if I will.’ Her voice sounded as light as a feather. ‘Because surviving doesn’t sound like a good way to live. Not when I consider the alternative. I meant it when I said that I love you, Xenon—I’ve never really stopped, even though I’ve tried hard enough. If you want the truth—my life has been...well, awful without you. And if you’re prepared—I mean, really prepared—to accept a marriage without children, then you only have to say the word. Just say the word, my darling, and I’ll be back in your arms so quick you won’t even have time to blink.’
His mouth tightened as he looked at her and she was aware of the ice which had hardened his cobalt eyes. ‘Get out,’ he said and turned his back on her as if he found the view outside the window infinitely more alluring.
Lexi stared in disbelief at the forbidding set of his shoulders, at the coiled tension in his tuxedoed body, which was contrasted against the busy rush of Wilshire Boulevard.
‘You don’t mean that,’ she whispered, her heart pounding with fear.
‘Oh, but I do,’ he said grimly. ‘You think I’m your puppet, do you, Lex? That if you keep me dangling long enough I’ll dance exactly to your tune? Well, you had your chance and you blew it. Sorry.’
Lexi felt the tears begin to well up in her eyes. Hot, salty tears which mocked her and told her that she’d left it too late. Xenon didn’t want her any more and it really was over. For a split second she thought about turning and fleeing from the room and this terrible pain which was tearing at her heart. But she was through with running away and, besides, something about the way he spoke jarred. And not just in the way he spoke, but in the way he was holding himself, with his fists clenched and his shoulders now hunched. He looked like a man who was doing battle. Who was trying to fight something in himself.
She swallowed down the tears and tried to keep her voice steady. ‘I love you,’ she said. ‘And that’s the only thing which seems to make sense right now.’ She saw him tense and now she couldn’t seem to stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks. ‘I love you and I will never stop loving you, but I will go if you want me to.’
‘Good.’
‘But only if you turn around and tell me to my face.’
For a moment she thought he was just going to ignore her request and that she would be left standing there, like a fool. Then he gave a small snarl, like a wounded animal, and when he turned around she could see that his face was ravaged with pain.
