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She shouldn’t have to watch them again, not when they still fill her every waking and sleeping moment, but I will watch every single one, even when it fills me with hatred and helplessness. I will keep them with my own memories and pain, so whatever happens next, I’ll remember why we are doing this now.
Not just for us and the other nameless faces, but for her.
Nova.
TWENTY-SEVEN
Louis forces us to rest, but I can’t sleep upstairs, and the others seem reluctant, so Bert brings in sleeping bags and sets them up in the unused living room I have no memories of. They take turns sleeping. Louis checks in with command. They aren’t happy, but they understand that we need time to go through all the findings and research for what we are looking for.
Everyone sleeps but me and Dimitri.
He never stops or moves from the computer.
Slipping from my sleeping bag, I tiptoe past a snoring Jonas and over Nico, who’s near the door. I spot Louis at the front door, staring out, and Isaac in the kitchen, so I move back to the computers and Dimitri. From the doorway, I see his hunched over form. His eyes are red and raw, and the light from the screen gives his face a hollow look.
“You should rest,” I murmur, and he jumps like he didn’t hear me creep up. Blinking, he rubs at his eyes as I move closer, pulling a chair over to sit at his side. He looks back at the computer with a grunt, so I cover his hand on the mouse. “Dimitri, you need to sleep, you know that. Your brain needs rest.”
“I’m fine.” He shrugs off my hand, and I debate walking away, but something is bothering him. “I can’t stop, okay?” he finally says as I stare at his profile.
“Why?” I murmur, needing to know.
He turns to look at me, his gaze pained and dark. “Because I need to do this for you!” he rages, tugging at his hair. “I can’t stop what happened, but I can do this. I can find the information that will help them, you, and us stop this. That might give you peace and a better future. I’m doing this for them as much as you. How can I sleep when I know that with each minute I wait, another child could be hurt, and that you are stuck in this place that haunts you?”
He’s doing it for me.
I sit back, blinking as I stare at him, and suddenly I can’t stop myself. Leaning forward, I cup his face and the stubble there, and I kiss his warm, soft lips. He freezes as I pull back, pressing my forehead to his. “Thank you,” I murmur. “I do hate it here, but I would hate it even more if you were to get sick because of me. I can endure this. It’s . . . better with you all here. I know how important this is, I do, but so are you. Do not kill yourself for answers. They will come when we need them. Louis and the others need you for the long run, not just for your mad computer skills.” That makes his lips curve, and mine follow as I search his eyes. “I need you, okay? So please, sleep and eat.”
The smile drops, and our breaths mingle. “You need me?” he echoes.
“I do,” I admit, my voice hoarse, “in more than one way, but right now? I need you to sleep, please.” I lean in and kiss him softly again before standing, then I offer him my hand.
He swallows, glancing at the computer before taking my hand. “Just a few hours,” he concedes, making me smile wider.
“Fine by me.” Squeezing his hand, I lead him from the room. Louis is at the door, and I almost stumble, but there is no judgement or jealousy in his eyes. I only see gratitude. I nod and lead Dimitri to my sleeping bag, where I tuck him in like a child as I brush his hair back. “Sleep, the computer will be there when you wake up.”
His eyes start to close, but then his hand moves to squeeze mine. “I need you too,” he whispers, and just like that, he’s asleep.
I sit back on my heels and watch him before forcing myself to stand and move to the kitchen, unsure what to do with the feelings inside of me. Isaac is staring out of the kitchen window with his hands wrapped around a mug, and he appears to be miles away. I slip inside, and he jumps, turning to look at me before getting to his feet.
“Let me get you one.” He quickly pours me a mug, and I sit opposite him, drawing my knees to my chest as I balance the mug that’s filled with some kind of herbal tea. I raise my brows, and he grins sheepishly.
“It’s good for the soul,” is all he says.
“Okay, Dimitri is resting,” I tell him, taking a sip and almost groaning as the warm, comforting taste sinks into me. Isaac’s eyes are wide.
“And how the hell did you manage that?” He gapes, making me laugh. “Seriously, we’ve been trying to learn how to for years. Tell me your secrets.”
I lean in and look around like we are being watched. He does the same with a grin, and I crook my finger until he comes closer, then I press my mouth to his ear, ignoring the pulse of desire it sends through me as his scent wraps around me. “Feminine wiles.”
Sitting back, he chuckles. “Well, we never stood a chance then.”
“Nope, sorry.” I wink while taking another sip.
“How are you doing, really?” he asks over his tea.
“Probably about as good as anyone would be,” I admit, not wanting to lie. “But I’ve survived worse.”
“Yes, but you’re not alone anymore,” he murmurs, eyeing me.
