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She shook her head. ‘I can’t.’
‘Why not?’
She realised that his pride was going to be hurt—and maybe that wasn’t a bad thing. But she needed to show him that this was about more than pride. She had to summon up enough courage and strength to present him with a few harsh home truths.
‘Because I can’t contemplate life with a man who keeps running away.’
‘Running away?’ he echoed and she heard the anger building in his voice. ‘Are you accusing me of cowardice, Ellie?’
‘It’s up to you to make the diagnosis, not me.’ She stared at the little vase of blue flowers which sat at the centre of the table. She thought how delicate the petals were. How most things in life were delicate, when you stopped to think about it. She lifted her gaze to his, trying not to react to his anger. ‘When you told me all about your family—about your mother walking out on you and the effect it had on you—I could understand why you never tried to get in touch with her. I understood that you’d taken your pain and turned it into success and that it was easier to turn your back on the past. But you’re an adult now, with the world at your fingertips—the most successful man I’ve ever met. You’re intelligent and resourceful and yet you’ve just heard that you’ve got a brother and you’re acting like nothing’s happened!’
His dark head was bent and there was silence, and when at last he looked at her she flinched from the pain she saw written in his eyes.
‘Not just a brother,’ he said. ‘I think I could have dealt with that. But a twin brother? Do you know what that means, if it’s true? Have you thought about it, Ellie? She didn’t have another baby with another man. She had one who was exactly the same age. She took him with her and left me behind. I was the one she rejected. I was the one she didn’t want. How do you think that makes me feel?’
‘I don’t think it makes you feel anything,’ she whispered back. ‘Because you’re blocking out your feelings, the way you’ve always done. You’re ignoring it and pretending it isn’t there and hoping it will go away. But it won’t go away. It will just fester and fester and make you bitter. And I don’t want a man like that. I want someone who can face up to reality. Who can accept how it’s making him feel—even if it hurts—and who isn’t afraid to show it.’
She leant forward and her voice was fervent. ‘The stuff you imagine is always worse than the real thing,’ she said. ‘I know that. When I met my father—all the dreams I’d nurtured about us becoming one big happy family were destroyed the moment he pushed the table away and my cappuccino spilt everywhere. And of course I was upset. But afterwards I felt...well, free, I suppose. I could let go of all those foolish fantasies. Because it’s better to deal with reality, than with dreams. Or nightmares,’ she finished as she rose to her feet. She looked into his face and saw the pain which was written there. Such raw and bitter pain that it made her instinctively want to reach out and comfort him.
But she knew she couldn’t rid him of his nightmares. She couldn’t fix Alek. He had to do that all by himself.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
HE DIDN’T TELL HER he was leaving until the morning of his departure, when Ellie walked into the kitchen and saw him drinking coffee, a leather bag on the floor beside his feet. He turned as she entered the room and, although his hooded eyes gave nothing away, his powerful body was stiff with tension. A trickle of apprehension began to whisper down her spine.
‘You’re going away on a business trip?’ she questioned.
He shook his head. ‘I’m going to Paris.’
Fear and dread punched at her heart in rapid succession. Paris. The city of romance. She looked down. An overnight bag. The fear grew. ‘You’ve decided to take me up on my offer?’ she breathed in horror.
He frowned. ‘What offer?’
‘You’re seeing someone else?’
His brow darkened. She saw a pulse flicker at his temple. ‘Are you crazy? I’m going to meet my brother. I phoned the journalist and spoke to her. She gave me his details and I emailed him. We’re having lunch at the Paris Ritz later.’
Ellie’s heart flooded with a complex mixture of emotions. There was relief that he hadn’t taken her up on her foolish suggestion and joy that he’d taken the step of arranging to meet his brother. But there was disappointment, too. He was facing up to his demons—but he hadn’t stopped to think that she might like to be involved, too. She was curious to meet her baby’s uncle, yes—and wasn’t it possible she could be a support to her husband if she was there at his side? She took an eager step towards him, but the emphatic shake of his head halted her.
