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He also understood where Gideon stood in Rafe’s heart. While Rafe might not have created Gideon, the vampire was his son, his fledgling. That left Philippe desperately trying to find his place as a sort of stepfather.
“Rafe sees you as his son. He adores you, and I love him because he loves you so much. I could never be jealous of a relationship that brings him so much happiness, and I would never try to come between you.”
Some of the tension slid from Gideon’s shoulders and they relaxed a little. “Okay,” he whispered, offering up a tiny grin.
“Do you want to come in and chat? I know I can’t replace Rafe, but if you need to talk, I’m always happy to listen.”
Gideon hesitated, chewing on one side of his bottom lip for a second. “I was just wanting to bounce an idea off Rafe. It’s not really all that important.”
Philippe motioned toward the sofa and chairs positioned near the glass wall. “You want to sit? I’m happy to listen. I think Rafe has some spare blood stored if you need a nip.”
“Oh! I’m good!” Gideon said quickly. Philippe was careful to keep the skepticism from showing on his face. “But I could chat, if it’s not too much trouble.”
With a broad smile, Philippe walked over to the sofa and sat down, barely resisting the urge to pat the open cushion next to him. He didn’t need to be too eager and scare Gideon away. But if he could actually get the vampire to talk to him, it would be a huge step.
Gideon closed the door and slowly crossed the room. His gait was stiff and seemed pained, though it didn’t show on his face. Gideon’s maker had cruelly broken his legs when he was human and didn’t allow them to properly heal before he was reborn as a vampire. If Gideon didn’t feed properly, he was in horrible pain. It was made all the worse when Philippe remembered the man was the most exquisite dancer. His every movement was usually graceful and elegant.
Gideon settled on the cushion farthest from Philippe and only on the very edge, as if he were preparing to take flight if Philippe made a single move in his direction. He didn’t believe Gideon saw him as a threat. It was just that the trauma he’d suffered in his early years as a vampire had left a deep mark. He needed gentleness and patience.
“So…I’ve been thinking of moving out of the Varik house,” Gideon volunteered slowly.
Philippe blinked. That was not what he’d been expecting to hear. Gideon had moved into Marcus’s house when Damon and his minions had started hunting the Varik Clan. While Damon and the threat had been destroyed more than a year ago, Gideon had stayed. From what he’d seen, Gideon got along very well with Ethan, Marcus’s mate. He also got along famously with River, who’d lived there for a time while Bel’s house was being rebuilt. Philippe had been under the impression that Gideon was happy in the Varik house.
“Is everything okay?” Philippe asked slowly.
Gideon’s head popped up. “Oh, yes! Of course.”
“You know, if you don’t feel comfortable for any reason, you can tell me. I won’t share your secret. I just want you to feel safe at all times.”
A little groan escaped Gideon, and Philippe was shocked when the vampire turned and sank into the sofa, placing his bent left leg up on the cushion while draping his arm across the back. “No, it’s nothing like that. I love living in that house. I really do. Ethan is hilarious. He’s become my best friend. I’ve even gotten used to Marcus when he’s grumbly and cranky. Aiden and Ronan are wonderful too.”
Philippe turned, mirroring his position while shoving one hand through his hair. “Then I am very confused. If you’re so happy, why would you want to leave?”
Gideon frowned and looked down at the buttery black leather covering the sofa. “Ethan was telling me about what it was like to have his own apartment. Having his own space. It’s something that I’ve never experienced before. When I was human and a dancer, I always had a lot of different roommates. We were all crammed into tiny rooms, sharing everything.”
Philippe struggled to hide his feelings, but apparently he didn’t do a good enough job, because a disappointed sigh slipped from his lips.
“You don’t think I could handle it, do you?” Gideon whispered.
“It’s not that I don’t think you could handle it. It’s simply that vampires rarely live alone. We’re mostly in clans for our own protection. When Ethan spoke of living alone, he was still human. They do that all the time. It’s not a big deal. But it’s far more dangerous for us.”
Gideon dropped his head against his arm and closed his eyes, a frown digging deep lines in his face. “Yeah, I know.” He sighed again. “I made the mistake of mentioning it to Ryder, and he totally lost his shit. He hates the idea. Said that if I didn’t want to live in the Varik house any longer that I should just move in with him. That he’d keep me safe.” When those dark eyes popped open, the sadness was replaced with anger. “I don’t want the only reason we’re living together to be for my own protection. I don’t want to be constantly protected. I want—” He suddenly cut himself off, his cheeks flushing as his eyes darted away.
“You want to be seen as an equal,” Philippe finished. He added a little more softly, “You want to be loved as an equal.”
“Yeah, maybe,” Gideon mumbled.
“There’s nothing wrong with that. We all want that. Rafe and I have had many talks about that.”
Gideon perked up, some of the lines disappearing. “Really?”
“Of course. You know how protective Rafe can be.” Gideon nodded and Philippe chuckled. “I’ll admit that it’s nice to be so cared for and loved, but we both want to feel like we can stand on our own two feet.”
“Yes!” Gideon shouted and then covered his mouth with both hands, eyes wide. “Every time Ryder gets all hover-y, I feel like I can’t take care of myself. I start doubting everything, and it drives me crazy. I thought that if I lived on my own for a while, I could build up my confidence. I could be stronger so Rafe, Ryder, and…even you wouldn’t worry so much about me.”
Philippe tapped his lips with his index finger as an idea began to form in his mind. He understood where Gideon was coming from, and he wanted to help the vampire gain the confidence he so desperately needed. There was a chance that Rafe was going to kill him for even suggesting this, but he was fairly certain he could convince his lover he was right about it.
“I have a suggestion.”
