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This is fucking insane.
Chapter 19
Sadie
Thishastobethe forest. No. Let me say it this way. Thisisthe fucking forest! I’m in it now, and it’s not what I thought. Not even close. I’d rather be lost in an actual one with the threat of maybe seeing a bear or two than this metaphor. Or whatever the fuck this is.
I’m surprised that I never ever considered Savannah, which makes me feel so horrible. What kind of sister am I? What kind of reputation will she have to face here in Hillpike? Over the next two or four years, she will make sure that she is in no way like me at all. I would bet money on it.
For now, she’s the only one that still makes eye contact with me. It’s just full of pity and confusion. It hurts.
“Sadie, you want me to bring you a sandwich?” She’s by my bedroom door.
“Yes, please.”
I’m lying across the bed staring at three pictures of my naked body on top of Freddy in his car. The black SUV wasn’t paranoia. The black SUV was real. It had to have been that car we saw speed by shortly after parking. I remember it clearly. They must’ve gotten out and walked back to our spot. When I think of all the possible whos, I’m stuck believing what I see texted across my phone.
From Freddy: Courtney. It was Courtney.
He’s been texting me because I told him that’s best when he tried calling. I don’t want to hear his voice because if I do, I may just tell him the truth: I’m carrying his baby.
Of course, it was Courtney; as far as I know, she had dug a huge hole to waddle in. There is no way the court will grant her total custody of Dustin. Freddy is a good man. His adult life is a great example of a foster child gone successful. Definitely, when it comes to making it in this world. He has a great-paying job, keeps himself in fantastic shape, and is Dustin’s most rational parent. I can see that Courtney assumes she’ll win because not only is she the mother, but she has bought a home and is now about to get married. Crazy. I may ask Flora if she sees a great future for Dustin and Freddy.
Savannah comes in, and I flip the naughty photos over even though she saw them. She was the one who took it from the blonde curly-haired woman who dropped them off in her black SUV truck, of course. I should’ve trusted my instincts. I should’ve told Freddy about seeing her when I left his motel. It’s one thing to assume we were having sex behind those doors, but the proof is in our public display. Ugh.
“What are you going to do?” she asks.
“I’m not sure. Mom’s at the store. I would talk to her, but she already told me she needed time. I wish she was here and not Dad when that bitch gave you this shit.” I scoff at the upside-down nude photocopies.
“You think maybe she planned it that way?”
“Of course, she did. At least with Mom, there would’ve been a chance to talk about it before we told Dad, or maybe she would have been willing to keep it a secret for some time or until Freddy left town.
“I don’t know what to do, Savannah. A huge part of me wants to just run away. And for whatever reason, Angela texted me not too long ago, telling me not to come in tonight. I have a gut feeling she knows too, but I’m afraid to know if that’s the case.”
I take a bite of the bologna, mayo, and cheese sandwich Savannah made me. I need to eat even though it’s not currently appetizing, and I may throw it up shortly. Regardless it should give me some kind of fuel.
“Thank you for the sandwich.”
“Do you love Freddy?”
“That’s a loaded question.”
“I know it is. So?”
“I think I do, a little. I tried my best to hide my feelings this entire time, but now that the cat is out of the bag, I can say that I think I do. I won’t tell Dad that. He told me he doesn’t want to see my face for a year.” I laugh, even though I could cry. “I almost feel like I should grant him that wish.”
“If you leave, I’m going to miss you.”
“If I leave, you’ll be better off.”
Savannah doesn’t say anything. She just sits on my bed, combing out the knots in my blanket’s fringes with her fingers. I squeeze the moonstone on my necklace and know what to do next.
“What the fuck, Sadie?” Linda pulls me into her house.
She and her brother share a home a few roads west of us. They have about five dogs, but thankfully they own several acres for the dogs to run around in.
“Are you by yourself?” I ask.
