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I close my eyes and clutch on to the steering wheel, trying to gain my bearings, but they’re so out of control. I don’t know how I’m gonna manage this. I’m a fucking wreck. I’ve never felt like this.
Never.
I peel my eyelids open and look at the scene in front of me—Quinn listening intently to something the other guy is saying.
Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe this is all a trick of the mind. If I get out and move closer, maybe I’ll see something on that face of his, something telling, something that shows me that this is nothing more than a friendly encounter.
I can totally think rationally about this. I can also behave like a logical adult. Maybe even introduce myself to this…guy. This friendly guy.
God, he’soverlyfriendly—the way he’s touching Quinn, the way he leans into him.
I turn off the engine and pull the keys from my truck, hopping out and walking around to the passenger-side door to let Winter out. I grab ahold of his leash, and he jumps down and sniffs at my pants, reminding me that they look god-awful.
Well, nothing to be done about it now. I’m just going to have to pretend it doesn’t exist.
I am sex. I amsexy.
I sigh. Yeah, not working. I’m not. Not really. But I’d felt sexy when I was with Quinn. He made me feel…young and alive—like I was someone who mattered.
And I let him leave. Like a fucking coward.
“Come on, boy,” I say, bending down and patting Winter’s head, and then forcing my gaze back to Quinn. I can be brave now. I know I can. I’ll take what I want.
I tug on Winter’s leash gently, pulling him forward. Quinn hasn’t seen me yet. His gaze solely focused on the guy in front of him. I don’t blame him. His ass is fantastic. I’m sure his front is even better. You don’t have an ass like that and not have a nice dick.
I wonder if Quinn has seen it. Has he been with someone else? Has he really waited for me? Or has he forgotten about me already?
He couldn’t have forgotten already, right? It’s only been a few days.
But maybe he has. He’s young and easily distracted. Although, he does have those sparrows tattooed on him. Steadfast.
There’s nothing steadfast about the way he’s talking to this guy andsmiling. So much smiling. Almost like he wants him to kiss him. He’s just showing off those lips, those red fucking lips. Like,plant one on me.I mean, he doesn’t need to make them so enticing. They’re already bad enough as they are.
I’ve stopped moving, my brain making me freeze. I stand like a statue in the middle of the parking lot, just staring at him, with Winter next to me tippy-tapping on his toes. He sees Quinn and probably wonders why he can’t go straight to him. I should move, should interject, but suddenly I feel so inadequate. So damn old.
And I know that I’m not. That thirty-three isn’t that bad, but fuck, in this moment, I feel like I’ve lived a thousand lifetimes. I can’t compete with fabulous ass over there with his young face and hisenergy.
The guy leans forward and brushes his lips across Quinn’s cheek and my heart pinches in my chest.
I grip Winter’s leash tighter and make my decision.
I’m gonna go. I’m not going to stand in the way of something that could make him happy. And maybe that isn’t me. Maybe it’s this guy.
With one last look of longing, I turn on my heels and walk back to my truck.
If he wants me as much as he claims, he can come to me. I tried.
I’m tired of being burned by people who are supposed to want me but end up rejecting me.
Maybe this makes me more of a coward, but I fuckingtried.
ChapterTwenty-One
Quinn
This is misery. Four long fucking days and I’ve resisted texting him back by sheer willpower. Art class tonight was torture, my phone burning a hole in my pocket.
Tonight. I will answer those damn texts. I will fuckingcave. I cannot stand it. I don’t know how I managed to resist the temptation, but I did. I received some kind of divine intervention to do it. It’s like my body aches without him, my heart just thumping away pathetically in my chest.
