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“Why?”
“Because then he wins. He calls the shots in my life, and like the good little girl, I do what he says. He snaps his fingers and I fucking jump, that’s what he wants from me, and I’m not that person.”
“So, you don’t want to be with Lorenzo because your dad wants you to be with him?”
“Well, no. He doesn’t know I’m seeing Lorenzo.”
“Ah, I knew it was serious!”
I glared at Anna. “I’m notseeinghim. I’m just… seeing him.”
“That makes so much sense.” Anna giggled, the sarcasm thick in her voice.
I sighed. “As soon as my dad finds out wecouldbe anything, he’ll want us to besomethingand if I give him that… I’m nothing.”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Anna said. “You make it sound like your dad won’t let you be your own person, but if you’re with someone you actually like, and he likes him too, that’s a good thing. Isn’t it?”
“It’s not that simple,” I said again. “We’re Cavaliers. At least, my dad is. It’s this exclusive club in Seattle that he belongs to, and you have to have a lot of money and good breeding to qualify. The club is all about tradition, about legacy, and about marrying into the right circles so you can produce offspring who will have the same attributes and belong to the same club. It’s nothing more than an elite factory, producing the same cut-out people over and over who live by stupid rules and uphold ridiculous standards.”
“Wow,” Anna said. “And I thought I had it rough.”
“We all have our battles,” I said. “The grass always looks greener when it’s a fucking immaculate lawn but the hoops you have to jump through when you’re up there… I won’t do it. My brother escaped to LA for the same reason—he doesn’t want Warner and Hunter to end up in the same boat, and his life is so much better now that he’s free. I want that too.”
Anna looked as if she was thinking about what I’d said, mulling over the concept of the Cavaliers and the pressure we have on us. They were right when they said money couldn’t buy happiness. They didn’t ever mention that moneycouldbuy a hell of a lot of complications.
No one ever put that in the fine print.
“I don’t think it’s wrong to be with someone you love,” Anna finally said. “If Noah broke away, still being with the woman he loves and having his family, won’t you be able to do that, too?”
“That’s not the point,” I said.
“Then what is?”
I didn’t answer her because the truth was I didn’t know how to. I didn’t know what the point really was. I knew I wanted to fight my dad, to fight the system and do whatever I wanted. I just didn’t know what the endgame was.
“He wants me to go camping with him,” I said.
“What?” Anna asked.
I rolled my eyes and told Anna about the stupid bet with my brother.
“Is camping your thing?” Anna asked.
“God, why does everyone say that it’s not?” I asked. “I could camp if I wanted to!”
“Well, yeah, but you don’t want to. Isn’t that what this is all about? What you want and don’t want?”
I didn’t answer her. She was right. I was always fighting for what I wanted… as long as what I wanted was against what someone else wanted. Now that Lorenzo and Noah had a bet about how I couldn’t make it camping, it made me want to prove Lorenzo wrong.
I knew he wanted that, though. I wouldn’t give it to him—he didn’t get what he wanted.
“If it’s any solace to you, I’ll be there,” Anna said.
“Where?”
“Camping. I’ve been invited too. We’re a big group—there will be about ten of us, I think. It could be fun.”
I studied Anna’s face. She didn’t live the high life. She was barely middle class, fighting as a single mother to make ends meet every day. Shit like camping was right up her alley. It was the kind of thing that kept people like her entertained. It reallywasn’tmy thing.
