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She felt she had taken ten steps back from where she was before she met Timber. She hated it. She was living with her mother, jobless, and close to being broke.
"Thanks, Mom," she said, swinging into a seat. "I'll be out of the house most of today."
"Going to apply for jobs?" her mom asked, looking over her shoulder at her. She saw the hatred for Timber in her eyes.
Her stomach twisted. She hated that she lied to her mother about why she was back. It wasn't like Timber cheated on her, but she was still going through heartbreak.
"Are you sure you don't need me to do anything? I could hurt the man. Make him regret everything he did."
She knew her mom was trying to lighten the mood. But she just didn't feel it. She missed Timber and Marigold.
"It's fine," she said and took a bite of her scrambled eggs. "I'll live."
She was out of the house half an hour later and driving down the main street of town. She felt a headache forming, and her eyes hurt. She'd applied a layer of makeup, hoping they couldn't tell she hadn't slept in a while.
She parked in front of the publishing office. She stared at the large building. She felt worry creep over her.
Was she making a giant mistake? Was leaving Timber the wrong step for her future? Should she have stayed with him?
Those were questions she'd been asking since she left. Questions she wasn't entirely sure she had the right answer to.
Was she going to miss Timber? Yes. Did she think that leaving him was a giant mistake? In a way. But nothing would change if she kept living the way Timber wanted. She loved him and Marigold. She saw a future with them, even if they were bears, and she could have been happy. But she wouldn't hide away.
She wasn't going to be seen as the nanny who he fucked on the side. And she didn't want to be the reason that Timber was stressed and unhappy.
She knew it hurt now, and Timber was probably struggling, but he would figure it out. She knew he could. It hurt, but he would be okay.
He would find someone else that the council was okay with, and he'd have a great life. It just hurt knowing she wasn't going to be part of it.
She straightened herself and stepped out of her car. She took a deep breath. If he could move on, so could she.
But he hasn't moved on. He still wants you. He didn't want you to leave.
She shook her head, clearing her mind, and forced herself forward. She entered the building and held her head high, a smile on her face.
A blonde woman stood behind the front counter, and her eyes slid up to Lyra’s. She smiled at Lyra. "Can I help you with anything?"
She nodded her head. "Yes, I see you have an opening. I would like to apply."
After filling out a job application and chatting with the gal, she headed out to apply at a few other places. She stopped at the media center and applied for another job.
She sat in her car after she finished and sighed exhaustedly. Her lack of sleep was getting to her.
She didn't want to be a teacher, and she wanted to do something with her degree. She didn't have a lot of options at the moment as she hardly had any job history.
She pinched her nose, leaning her head against the seat. She had applied to be a tutor, hoping it would give her some income. It would work until she found a full-time job. Though she was worried. It had taken her a while to get a job before she picked up her nanny position.
She also didn't want to stay at her mother's house for much longer. She loved her mother, but she couldn't stand the looks she gave her.
Her mother brought up Timber often, angry about how he'd supposedly treated her. She couldn't stand feeling the shame of the lie.
She looked at her phone, glancing at the messages Timber had left her. She bit her bottom lip, telling herself she couldn't message him.
"You can't talk to him, Lyra," she told herself. "This is better for us. I have principles to stand by."
She tossed her phone into her purse.
"No matter how much my horny ass may want the man, we can't." She turned her car on and prepared to head home. She needed a nap, and maybe she would have a job in the next couple of days and start moving forward in life.
