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The walk home does a good job of grounding me from my earlier high. After sex with Ris, I’m always so happy and feeling like a bunch of papillion are fluttering in my belly. I start to think ofpossibilitiesthat I shouldn’t be thinking about.
About a future together. About performing music together on stage. About beingmatedto him.
But those are stupid, foolish dreams. The royals might be interested in parading around their human mates as a sign of some passing fad. But Ris is chivdouyu. No chivdouyu would be caughtdeadwith a human, especially as a mate.
The thought sobers me and as the breeze ruffles my hair, I tuck the shawl around me tighter. I need to be more careful.
It’s just a crush, I tell myself. This has become my mantra over the last few months.It’s just a crush. Just a crush. I figure if I remind myself often enough, I’ll be able to rationalize it away.
For my sake, and really for the sake of Ris, I need to let it go. He’s got a career to build and I would only get in the way of that. If it came out that he was messing with a human, he might even lose his gig at Le Lazurt.
That’s the last thing I want for him. I believe in him so much. His music is astounding, truly something. Ever since the first time I heard him play I was entranced.
So getting in the way of that would be selfish. As long as I can manage my feelings, everything will be fine.
Right?
6
RIS
“How was the set?” I ask. “What did you think of the new song?”
I’m seated at the bar, talking to Telnis, the bartender, and nursing a glass of amber liquid when I see Sienna emerge from backstage, looking a bit of a mess, despite our hasty straightening up.
Trying not to wince, I pretend to take a sip from my glass and see her head over towards the bar. She usually leaves right after me, but I don’t mind her coming out here.
At least then I could be near her a little longer.
But then one of the waitresses pulls her away, and immediately, Sienna is laughing and blushing. I have to fight to keep from smiling as I see her growing flustered. She’s too adorable.
“Yeah, it was good,” Telnis says, wiping down a glass and bringing my attention back to him. “You should work in that song you were telling me about yesterday too. I think it’ll really round out your setlist.”
I’m only half listening. My eyes are still on Sienna, watching her face as it turns red and she covers her face with her hands. I don’t even think she knows she does that when she’s embarrassed.
I wonder what they’re talking about. Surely, it’s not me – even if the thought does send a thrill of excitement through me. But she wants to keep us a secret, and I’ve respected that.
“Hmm?” I ask, pretending that I was engrossed in checking out the musician currently setting up on stage.
“I said, why don’t you include that new song you’ve been working on your setlist,” Telnis repeats himself. It’s getting a bit crowded in here, a bit noisy. That’s what it’s like when the sun sets.
Outside, it’s probably dark by now, and as much as I don’t want to be without her, I hope Sienna will be going home soon. It isn’t safe for her to wander the streets too late at night.
“Oh, yeah. That’s a good idea but it’s not done yet.” It’s nearly impossible to force my eyes forward so I twist my body to make my gaze less obvious. “There’s still a few revisions to do on the score. And I think I need a better refrain.”
“You’ll figure it out,” Telnis reassures me. “You’ve got quite an ear.”
I smile at him, ducking my head. He’s been working here for years. His praise is more meaningful than almost anyone. Besides Sienna, of course.
“Hey, Ris.” I look up to see Thenzi, an artist trying to improve his own slot here, slide into the seat next to me.
“Hi, Thenzi.” I swirl my glass, debating how much longer I should linger here. I need to make sure if Rhovier asks around – which I have no doubt she will – that plenty of people see me. But truthfully, my mind is not here with these men.
They are with the blonde in the corner that is fixing the knots I worked into her hair. It makes me want to do it all over again.
He orders a double zhisk on the rocks from Telnis and turns toward me. “Your set was amazing today. That new twist…” He shakes his head as he whistles lowly. “You’ve got a good ear and an incredible vision.”
“So they say.” I grin, flicking my eyes at Telnis who is busy polishing another glass and pretending not to hear us.
