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“Thank you,” I tell her, feeling a bit dazed with the information. She sends me off and I head out, trying not to think about the information until I’m home.
There’s just so much to think about. A baby. And it’s definitely Ris’ child. I haven’t been with anyone else since well before Ris and I started seeing each other.
A little bit of Ris and a little bit of me. A smile blossoms on my face as I think about that idea. I cradle my hand over my belly, definitely more pronounced than usual. I suppose I had chalked it up to the terrible eating habits I’d developed but now that I know the truth, it seems so obvious!
I can’t believe I thought I was just sick for like, weeks and weeks! How silly. When I arrive home and unlatch the gate, I stare at my house. It’s small and cramped, not really fit for a baby to inhabit but...I can take care of him or her.
I’m doing alright for myself. I may not make a ton of money but working at Le Lazurt gives me enough to be comfortable. I do live in the poorer section of the midtowns though. I don’t know if I can afford a child.
On the other hand, Ris is the father—which means that the child would be half dark-elf and would be part of the chivdouyu caste automatically. Ris could afford to help me raise the baby. I know he’d be a terrific father, even if he smokes too much and spends all day writing music sometimes.
Should I tell him? I don’t know how he’ll take it. He might not want anything to do with the child. And I can’t lie to him. If we keep hooking up, he’ll realize what’s going on pretty quickly once I really start to show.
I sit in my overstuffed comfy chair and stare out the window as it begins to rain. If I tell him, I risk jeopardizing what we have. But if I don’t tell him, he might be angry I hid it from him when he finds out.
It seems so unfair! I was so happy with how things were going. Everything was going right in my life, for once. And now it’s all about to implode—whether I like it or not.
I stand up and feel the bag crinkle in my pockets. Pulling out an herbal drop, I place it on my tongue and start sucking. It works nearly instantly, quelling the low queasiness I’d been feeling all day so far.
The rain is pouring harder now as I start to make myself a cup of tea. I keep mulling things over but the uncertainty of it all makes it difficult to make a decision.
By the time I lay down in bed, feeling much better and with a full meal in my belly, I still haven’t figured anything out yet.
And I have to see him tomorrow.
8
RIS
My performance that night is mediocre at best and I get an earful from my sister after the show. She tells me I can’t be distracted, especially not about my little assistant.
I promise to be better next time.
Of course, by that I mean as long as Sienna is back I’ll be fine.
Heading home, I take out another xaishet and light up, needing a minute alone with my thoughts. Rho has been acting off and Sienna is gone...I hope my sister didn’t say anything to scare her off. Rho is overly protective of me and my career. She’s always been that way. Her own talent at the instruments is nothing like mine and I think she’s always been jealous.
So she’s used the excuse of being my manager to push me towards the spotlight she herself wanted. If she said something to Sienna, I’ll yell at her.
But maybe she’s telling the truth and Sienna is sick. It could be just a cold. Those come and go quickly. I hate for her to feel under the weather but maybe it’s nothing serious.
Well, at least I’ll see if Rho is telling the truth as long as Sienna is there when I get back.
Stubbing out my zash, I grind it underfoot and continue on my way home.
My next performance is a few days later and I head in, a knot in my stomach. She has to be here today, right? Whatever is ailing her can’t have lasted more than a few days.
As soon as I walk in, I see her and my entire face lights up. Sienna looks as beautiful as ever, standing near the wings of the stage. She’s talking to one of the other girls when I come up behind her.
“Hey,” I say, trying to act casual. “Do you mind helping me with getting ready?”
This is nothing out of the ordinary—nothing that would raise suspicion with anyone else so when she flinches away, my eyes go wide.
“I’ve got a few more chores to do before I can help you, sir,” she says, keeping her tone carefully even.
“Oh, come now. No need for formalities, Sienna,” I say with a chuckle. “You can call me Master. Just like always.” It’s a joke but Sienna doesn’t laugh. Instead, she moves away from me.
“Sorry, I’ll be there soon, sir,” she replies, turning her head back to her companion. The girl she’s with gives her a strange look but Sienna ignores us both and heads in the opposite direction.
