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I pinched her nose, breathing into her mouth and trying not to lose all trace of hope when there was no response. When I went back to compressions, I pressed harder, desperation driving my every move. Barclay took a small step forward after a minute or two, but I gave him a silent death glare. I didn’t want to see the sadness and pity in his eyes.
I was still determined to save her.
No one made a move, not even a whisper as the cold, desolate air oppressed the breaths seesawing over our lungs. I had a hunch to yell for an ambulance to be called, but by the time they arrived, she’d be dead. It was up to me to get her breathing again.
I couldn’t fail her. I moved closer to her mouth and breathed in once more, and to my relief, something happened. Her head jolted to the side, and her entire body convulsed as she coughed up water onto the snow.
She hadn’t even opened her eyes yet when I scooped her up into my arms and rushed back toward the castle. Relief flooded me, but I couldn’t relax yet. I needed to get her out of the cold.
“Sir, wait,” Barclay called out from behind me, but I didn’t respond. I was too focused on getting Belle indoors. I pounded up the stairs, going straight to my wing. I could hear Barclay’s steps close behind.
Opening the door to my bedroom, I headed to the bed.
“Start a fire,” I said, as I heard Barclay enter the room. “Then go get the portable heater from my office.
I didn’t bother to look and see if he was following my instructions. Belle had my entire attention. Her eyes were still closed, but she was breathing. I laid her on the bed and stripped her out of her wet clothes.
I pulled back the covers, but then realized that my body heat would be better, a faster way to warm her up. Yanking off my shirt, I gathered her into my arms and cradled her naked body against my bare chest, pulling the covers over both of us. She was weak and her head resting on my shoulder.
As I watched Barclay work, the only sound in the room was the crackling of the wood being placed in the fire. Eventually, the bright flames of the fireplace cast a warm glow throughout the room, just as the other butler entered, struggling under the weight of the large portable heater. The faint hum of it coming to life cloaked the room, and I dismissed him with a curt nod.
I rested my chin on top of Belle’s head and clenched her. It was heartbreaking to feel her body tremble in my embrace. A wave of helplessness washed over me as I ran my hands up and down her back. The feeling of powerlessness in my gut was unbearable.
Barclay approached, pulling the duvet higher. “I’ll be back with warm tea for both of you.”
I gave a rigid nod, and once he left, the only sounds audible in the room were Belle’s uneven breathing and the fire crackling. I lifted her face with my finger under her chin until her eyes met mine.
“You’re going to be fine,” I whispered, stroking her cheek with my thumb.
Her eyes were unfocused, and she was still shivering. I mentally cursed myself for threatening to kick her out of the castle. Why did I have to be so cruel to her before she stormed out?
What the fuck was I thinking? I should have run after her, should have stopped her. I should have pulled her right back into the safety of my arms.
Guilt ate away at me, and it was a familiar feeling. I deserved it. This was all my fault.
Was I ever going to stop failing the women in my life?
I pulled her close to my chest again, my arms like a vise around her. The tremors in her body were finally going away, but not fast enough. My hands ran over her, and I inhaled deeply, taking her sweet scent down into my lungs. It was a reminder that she was still here. I didn’t lose her to the icy water.
I couldn’t help thinking of Charlotte. She was the last woman I held tightly, the last one to lay her head on my chest like this.
The feeling of Belle in my arms made so many memories rush to the surface. I’d been content with Charlotte, happy. My heart was open.
I’d been trying so damn hard not to let any of that happen again. I’d been fighting my feelings from the moment I caught sight of Belle on my security footage.
But what if I gave in to them? What would happen if I let my heart lead me again?
As I struggled with feelings of terror and longing, Belle let out a whimper that drew me out of my thoughts. I pulled back slightly to gaze down at her sleeping face. She had drifted off while in my arms, her small frame pressed close to me, and her face buried in the nape of my neck. Her breathing had become steady, and each exhale sent a wave of warmth over my exposed skin. Finally, the shivering had ceased.
I hadn’t intended for her to sleep in this position, but I wouldn’t even think of waking her now. I’d stay put in my bed all day and night if I had to. However long it took for her to wake up.
Barclay walked in and set down a tray on the bedside table. The tray contained a plate with a deli-meat sandwich, a teapot, and two matching cups. He then took my phone and tablet out of his inner jacket pocket and placed them beside the tray.
“How is she?” he asked.
“I think she’ll be okay. I think we got her out of the water fast enough to prevent lasting damage.”
I hope.
