Page 58 of Hate Like Ours

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I don’t want to bother my mom with my teenage drama either. She’s been working hard and has a lot on her plate with her upcoming wedding and all that. I don’t want to add to that.

I don’t even know if she’d believe that the son of the man she’s marrying was tormenting me every chance he got. I mean, no one would probably believe me. Everywhere I go in this town, someone is always talking about the Riversides and how Knox is such a good boy.

His good-guy act has everyone fooled, thinking that he’s perfect and not the devil in disguise. I wish people would see him for what he really is—a fucking psycho! Or maybe I’m just the only unlucky soul he can’t seem to stop fucking with.

When I’m done making the cuts on my arms, I move on to the part on my stomach where the word “whore” is already written. I trace over it with the blade until blood starts to flow from the new cuts over the old ones. It hurts so fucking much, but it doesn’t hurt nearly as much as my heart does.

By the time I finally decide to leave the tub, the water has gone cold. I make my way into the shower and turn it on to rinse my skin.

The hot water in the shower stings as it touches the new cuts on my body and a hiss from the pain escapes me. When I’m done from the shower, I dry myself and then stand in front of the sink and pour some saline solution onto the cuts on my arm so that they won’t get infected.

A scream rips out of me when it touches my skin. It’s fine though. I want to feel the pain. It makes me feel something beside the emptiness. It hurts less compared to being mistreated and bullied all the time. I wish it would all end.

Curiosity got the better of me the other day and I went onto the school’s stupid website. They have even more stupid pictures of me now, along with tons of comments about my body and so much more.

The wedding has now become public knowledge and the web page is filled with comments about how my mother is a gold digger and how everyone is so sorry that Knox has to go through this by having an ugly and fat stepsister.

I had to slam my laptop closed after that because every single one of their words was hurtful. It’s so easy to judge people you don’t know.

I let out a sigh as I put some bandages on my arm and then make my way into my room to put some clothes on. I grab a pair of leggings, a tank top, and a sweater. It’s hot as fuck here but I need to wear the sweater. I don’t want anyone seeing my scars.

I guess I’m ashamed of what I’ve done. It’s a reminder of how weak I am and I don’t want anyone else to see that.

I grab my bag and head out the door. I get into my car, deciding to head to the mall to chill a bit. I don’t feel like staying in the house anymore, especially not in my room after what happened.

I need to clear my mind and shopping always helps with that. If I don’t leave the house, I’ll probably cave and do more harm to myself, and I’m really trying not to do that. I’m falling further down the abyss and it’s only a matter of time before I do irreparable damage to myself.

As I’m driving toward the mall, I can swear I see a car following me. But when I look back, it’s gone. I swear I’m losing my mind.

I haven’t been to the mall in a while and it would’ve been nice to go with someone, but Kinsley never replied to my text earlier. I’m wondering if she’s okay.

I guess she got caught up and was busy and didn’t get a chance to reply. When I get to the mall, I’ll just shoot her another text to see if she wants to meet me there so we can hang out.

I pull into the parking lot and get out before making my way inside. I go into some of my favorite stores and just browse around for a while to see if I’ll find anything I like.

But this depression is weighing on my mood because I can’t seem to like or even be excited about anything right now, which means that coming here was just a waste of time.

I decide to head to the movie theater and watch a movie by myself. The newThormovie just came out, and even though I’ve never really watched the movies, no one can resist watching Chris Hemsworth.

When the movie is over, I make my way out and head to the food court. I only half paid attention to the movie because my mind was bouncing from one thing to the next.

I grab some Korean toast and a soda and then find a table to sit and eat. The toast had steak in the middle. The first time I ever tried it, it was freaking delicious, and I’ve been eating it since.

I take a bite and then mindlessly start to scroll through my phone. I don’t want to watch everyone else who is here with someone while I’m here by myself.

I look at the time and see that it’s five p.m. I’m not sure what time Mom will be home, but I know she’ll definitely check in on me since I wasn’t feeling well this morning.

I take another bite of my toast and I hear the voices in my head telling me that I shouldn’t be eating because I’m already fat. I suddenly feel like I want to throw it up. Fucking hell, I wish my brain would stop being like this, bringing up all the nasty shit from school.

Just as I push my food away, someone sits down at my table. I look up from the toast I was just having an angry staring contest with, just in time to see Trent sitting down and giving me one of his slimy smiles.

God, I hate this guy! He always gives me the creeps whenever he’s around me. He gives off entitled douchebag idiot to a T. After the day I’ve already had, I don’t have the time or energy to deal with him too.

“Hey, babe, what’s up?” he asks.

“What do you want, Trent? For the millionth time, I’m not interested so can you just go away?” I ask in a calm voice so as not to rile him up. The guy is another big asshole in this town. It seems as though Riverside is full of them.

I know what he wants and that’s to only get inside my panties. Too bad he’s late and someone else got there first. I sigh at the reminder that I’m no longer a virgin.