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I watch in cold disappointment as she skitters away, disappearing down the long, dark hall.
What the hell am I doing?
Chapter 10
Natalya
Oh my God.
I think it’s officially safe to say nothing is going according to plan—not that I had a concrete one to follow in the first place. Not when I have to navigate around all these curve balls that keep coming my way.
I scurry back to my room and shut the door firmly behind me. My heart beats loudly in my throat, the rush of blood past my ears deafening. The tips of my fingers and toes tingle as I try and fail to ignore the wet throb between my legs.
He wastouchingme, kissing my neck, murmuring in my ear like a forbidden lover under the cover of night. The ghost sensation of his hands on my body lingers still, the memory of his low voice humming inside my skull.
I should have stopped him sooner. Hell, none of this might have happened if I went through with pushing him down the stairs. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. One, there was no guarantee the fall would kill him, thereby jeopardizing my cover. And two… I got distracted by the way he smells and his sweet words and the way he looked at me with such hunger.
Never in a million years did I expect this. Dimitri should be the last man in the entire world I’m attracted to.
This might be a problem.
My thoughts are out of control.
I want to know what he tastes like. I can’t stop wondering how Dimitri might kiss me. Would he be rough and domineering? Or would he be gentle and soft? He’s a lot kinder than I first anticipated, but surely that’s just a ruse, right?
I’m plagued by my rampant imagination. What does he look like without his clothes? He feels muscular, defined. What I wouldn’t give to lift his shirt to prove myself right. I want to know the hard press of his body on top of mine. I crave his hands touching wherever he pleases. My knees shake and my core throbs at the thought of giving into my carnal desire.
I can no longer chalk it up to nerves at this point. To be honest, I have no way of describing this unmitigated need I have for him. My wires are crossed. I’m confused as hell. I silently berate myself. This wasn’t how any of this was supposed to go.
* * *
Lev seems to be in good spirits today. He rarely ever talks, but it’s in his eyes. I’ve got some music playing, a classical CD I happened to find while browsing through a few of the tea room’s cluttered shelves. Yo-Yo Ma’s sweeping melodies fill the air as Lev sways his head a little along with the rhythm. He unfortunately hasn’t had another moment of clarity since I got here, but I understand this type of recovery can’t be rushed. His mind is in a fragile state, so the best and only thing I can do is give him my care and patience.
Dahlia enters the room, humming along to the music. She’s been dusting the whole house from top to bottom, occasionally checking on Simon beside me. The boy is fast asleep in his bassinet, lulled by the deep vibrato of the strings.
“What an angel,” Dahlia coos. “It’s so hard to believe his mother just left him the way she did.”
I blink at her. I normally don’t appreciate gossip, but if Dahlia can help me glean any information that might be useful for my cause, I see no trouble in humoring her.
“She did?” I ask.
The housekeeper glances over her shoulder to make sure the coast is clear. “Poor Mr. Antonov didn’t see it coming. She kept the boy a secret from him, can you believe it?”
“My goodness, that’s terrible. Why would she do such a thing?”
“Some people just aren’t cut out to be parents,” Dahlia says with an indifferent shrug. “But Mr. Antonov is a good man. He didn’t even hesitate to take the boy in.”
A good man.
The words echo around inside my skull.
The more I think about it, the more the thought claws into my brain. From the moment I met him, Dimitri has been nothingbutgood. He checked on me after the bomb went off early, even at the risk of his own life. He could have easily run away out of fear for his own safety. It’s what a sane person would do. Instead, he stuck around to make sure I was okay, offered me his jacket, and helped me calm down when my mind was in shambles.
The seed of doubt that planted itself in my brain is starting to take root.
Maybe what I need is some fresh air and a chance to collect myself. I’ve been meaning to call Edvard to keep him updated, too, but I haven’t been able to do that because of how busy I’ve been.
“Is there a park around here?” I ask Dahlia. “It might make for a nice change of scenery.”
