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“How’ve you been?” she asks, rocking Simon gently.
She’s seated in an armchair in the corner, big blue eyes trained on me like a kicked puppy. Her eyes are one of the reasons I refuse to look at her. I know myself too well. Iwillcave.
“Any news about Levitsky?”
I hold my tongue. She was a double agent before. For all I know, she could still be on his side, gathering information to feed to him while she still can.
“Are you…” Her voice breaks. “Why won’t you say anything?”
“What’s there to say?” I snap, finally meeting her gaze.
My chest tightens just like I knew it would. She wears her pain in the furrow of her brow, in the tremble of her lips, and in her watery eyes. I have to fight the urge to go to her. A week ago, I would have kissed away her troubles. I would have held her until she felt better, assuring her everything was going to be okay.
Everything’s different now.
It isn’t long before Simon falls fast asleep. A relief, to be sure, but it’s not the end of my headache.
“Give him to me,” I say.
Natalya rises dutifully, walking over slowly. She places my son in my arms, her fingers grazing my skin. Electricity zaps through me. I’ve missed her warmth. If I’m being truthful, she’s all I can think about. It’s just that all the good memories I have are now tainted, spoiled. I don’t hate her. At least, I think I don’t. But there’s no going back to the way it was.
“How is your injury?” I ask.
Her face lights up a little. “Better, thank you. It’s not completely healed, but I’m able to get around easier. I’ll likely see significant improvement in the next couple of days.”
“Good. I’ll have everything arranged so leaving won’t be a hassle.”
Natalya’s expression turns crestfallen. “Oh.”
“You can return to your room now.”
She bites her lower lip, but nods. “Right… Good night.”
I shut the door on her and turn to put Simon down in his crib, ignoring the sound of her sniffles as she retreats down the hall.
Chapter 28
Natalya
2:00 a.m.
I haven’t been getting much sleep. I don’t know which is worse: wallowing in self-pity in my dreams or while I’m fully conscious and aware of the fact that my life is spiraling down the toilet.
It’s been another few days. My skin is healed over and scabbing, but I haven’t informed the guards that I’m ready to go yet. I’ve been dragging my feet. Not only do I want to apologize to Dimitri, but I also don’t have a course of action. He can throw me out, but where do I go? I have no job waiting for me, no home, and I’m still no closer to avenging my father than when I started.
At least I’ve finally managed to stop crying. That’s got to count for something, right?
I shuffle around the room in an effort to stretch my legs. Being cooped up in here is starting to drive me crazy. Maybe Ishouldleave. Every second I spend here is another second Levitsky is out there wreaking havoc. He probably thinks I’m dead, and that’s honestly my only advantage. I have the element of surprise. Not only that, I also know how he operates. If I can get the drop on him, maybe he can tell me what really happened to my father before I put him out of his misery.
Besides, it’s not like I’m wanted here. The guards all hate me. Dahlia is still upset with my double-cross. And Dimitri has made himself perfectly clear where the front door is. My guilty conscience tells me to stay, to fix this. I just don’t knowhow. At this point, leaving is my only option. There won’t be any awkward goodbyes, nobody will miss me. Now’s as good a time as any to escape into the night.
There isn’t much to pack since I was brought straight here from the hospital. I’ve been provided a change of clothes, but that’s about it. No money, no ID. I’m sure if I asked, Dimitri would set me up. He said he would, after all, but I know better than anyone that I’ve already taken advantage of his good nature. I’ll just have to figure things out once I get to Moscow. I have some old friends I haven’t seen in ages. My babushka on my mother’s side lives in Leningrad, so she’s always an option, though we haven’t spoken in years…
I tell myself I’ll figure it out. Whatever happens, I’m sure I’ll land on my feet. No sense in delaying this any longer. I’m not wanted here. I’ve caused Dimitri more than enough pain. With a deep breath, I head toward the door and pull it open.
I stop mid-stride, startled to find Dimitri standing in the hall, his hand outstretched as though he were reaching for the doorknob. I stare at him, at a loss for words. He looks tired, but still as handsome as ever. His jaw is stubbled, there are dark circles beneath his eyes, and his hair is messy from sleep. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man more wrecked.
“Are you…” His voice comes out soft. “I heard you moving around. I thought…”
