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They were not here, though. When the shit hit the fan, it blew back on all of them, but Tituss was the only one who still got to run off and play football. Even if it was at a smaller, private college with a history of only letting the lower people in to maintain demographics and diversity.
A decent amount of the ‘diverse’ population here came from money. Even the Iranian girl in my Freshman English class dressed like a model and had gold jewelry dripping from her neck and wrists. Sure. I was a diversity pick. I had applied early. Applied before we broke up. This fucking school offered me a scholarship, the position as a work-study, and grants paid the rest. I didn’t have loans. We were that fucking poor after my dad died. I qualified for lots of financial aid. Coming to this rich, ridiculous college with the only person who remained my friend through it all, Cass, was cheaper than going to the community college. That is where I was heading. This was still better than working at a strip club because I was heading in that direction to pay my tuition and rent, too.
Cass belonged here. She was a late applicant, but a legacy thanks to her great somebody and a donation from her parents. She said she was here for me. I had a feeling she was here for someone else. As I flipped through more of these photos, I started to wonder if she would say no to him. I began to wonder if she wasn’t the reason that shit got out. How did my mom know where my journal was? I kept it hidden, secret, and the only person who knew where, was Cass.
I looked across the room at her side and shook my head. No. She wouldn’t do that to me. I was seventy percent sure she wouldn’t. Thirty percent sure that if she thought it would get her a reward of some sort, she might have. No. I decided. She did not. My mother must have found it on her own.
Cass and I had a long history, and I knew things about her and her family she didn’t know I knew. I could make a real mess of her life. I was her friend before she was pretty. Before her parents invested in her face. When she had braces and acne and—what seventeen-year girl old gets implants? I understood the guy transitioning to a girl in our class that got them, but…Cas had boobs. Small, but there. Now, she had been transformed into the perfect outer package.
I puffed out a breath. I had boobs. I had an ass. I would not be ideal in a bunny outfit for damn sure. I’d look like a crazy fucking rabbit for sure. Yeah, people were all about some curvy bodies these days. However, the guys at this school were rich, privileged, and were still more into runway models. That profession hadn’t evolved as much as others despite the efforts to normalize a variety of beauty.
I wasn’t shopping in the plus-size department, but I was not exactly ‘wear a bathing suit to work’ size either. I groaned. Why did I care what I thought they would be wearing? I hated it…mostly. I could not relax. I got up, huffing and puffing my way out of the room, slamming the door behind me. I didn’t even know where I was going until I heard the conversation taking place right outside the dorm exit.
“No. If you do this, we are breaking up.” She was smart. I could see what she had in her hand from here. I wouldn’t let my girlfriend go into that den of vipers either. If I had a girlfriend.
I considered this as I took my time at this exit and her girlfriend responded with, “It’s good money. I’m here on an academic scholarship. Not like you.”
Truth, right? Those who have means see this as a game and unnecessary, whereas those who have not…see this as a really fucking tempting option to…no. No. I can’t even apply. It’s too late.
“Baby, I will take care of you. I love you. Just…take that off and throw it away.” She sounded sincere, and I really wanted to date her. Truly, she just said in one sentence the power punch. I love you. I love you. The shit I did because someone loved me. The things we did for and to each other because of I love you. Until I love you turned into, I hate you. I fucking hate you. Because he stayed with me the whole summer after all that shit happened, and then he abandoned me. I hated him because…I still loved him. Probably always would.
I was just inside the door. I looked at my phone in case anyone walked up. It would look less like I was eavesdropping. I lit up with a happy smile and started moving again as I pulled my phone up and talked to no one on the other end of it. I stepped out as they stepped in, and when they were out of sight, I…picked up the ridiculous item and the flyer and…put that bright pink bitch on my wrist and made my way over to the gates of hell. Opportunity was knocking, and I read that as a sign.
Chapter Two
Tituss
“What is it again?” I asked as the nervous girl in front of me worried her hands together. She was not going to make the cut for Level Two, the Sophomore House, for damn sure. We had to look at all of them. ALL of them. Seniors got first dibs, juniors next, then us, then the freshmen, but I was the house leader, so I had to be here. Dane, my second in command at Sophomore House, had to tend to his family’s beasts, so he was not with me. This left me with my third option for a somewhat responsible frat brother, Colin.
Colin nodded as if encouraging her. He was in school with the goal of becoming a counselor. A quiet guy, this was probably going to be his dissertation if the program could last long enough for him to get through grad school. He said sincerely, “Go on. We’re listening.”
“Beverly.” She closed her eyes.
I looked at the guy next to me at this table and shook my head. He was not going to say no to any of them. We’d have the entire line, and we could only take twelve. The anticipation is that we would only end up with four max by the time ‘orientation’ was over. I said, “Try the freshmen.”
She nodded and walked away. We had zero at this point. The next girl was at the line, but it was the girl walking behind all of the lines to go start at the Level Four house, the Senior House, that had me all fucked up. “You take it from here.”
“Where the hell are you going?” he asked, but I was already standing, moving. He cleared his throat and said, “Hi.”
Oh man, that was a bad idea. She’d probably be there when I got back telling him about her childhood or some shit. I couldn’t worry about that messed-up female when I had a particular interest in the one stopping at the end of that senior line. She was here. At this college. On this campus, and I didn’t even know that until right now.
I hadn’t seen her since the second week of my freshman year of college, her senior year of high school. Harper had done a lot to protect me, us, and I…really fucked up. Really, really fucked up. What was I supposed to do? My parents threatened to take everything I had away if I didn’t stop seeing her. She was the reason I was here at Crossbow instead of at an ivy league option. I loved her, and I hated her because both the good and bad times were all tied together and sealed my fate. My destination, as it were, and the weight I had to carry even if she denied it, spoke up for us. Didn’t matter. People wanted a scandal, not a promiscuous girl willing to admit it. She wasn’t promiscuous, though. She was mine, and we…understood something most people never would.
And I…fucking abandoned her. For what? I made my way down to the senior section and the starting quarterback, Dougie, a douche bag if ever there was one, asked, “Popsicle, what are you doing here?”
“I need to—” I hated that name these days. There was a time I loved it and the girl who started it.
“You need to get back to your section and pick someone. Damn.” Boston was next to him and looking at me like I was crazy.
I looked down the line of girls in front of them and noticed another face I was surprised to see here. “Cassidy?”
She waved, all excited and smiling. What a lousy best friend. Cassidy had no qualms about flirting with me. Wanting more from me. I never told Harper about any of that. Boston asked with a snort of a laugh, “Oh shit. You know that one?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. Tried not to be as obvious about the other one I knew since Dougie was already motioning for Cassidy to approach ahead of other girls.
She was dressed to the nines as always. Beautiful, no doubt about it, but she paid a lot of money to look perfect.
She lifted her hand and did a finger wave as she asked, “You ready to graduate already?”
