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He looked at his wrist then at me. I was not dealing with the same man I had been dealing with up to this point. I realized that I really fucked things up. Again, five hundred things rolling around in my head and I closed my eyes because I could remember the feel of that pistol against the base of my skull. Three words and a gun to your head.
I tried to stuff down the surge of emotions as I said, "I've never."
"Never what, Holly?" he asked. Then he added, "I need you to say what you came here to say. I need to hear it. Even if you think I don't want to. I just need to know, so tell me."
I looked at his desk and got up. I crossed the room, picked up the notebook on top of it and the pen next to it. I hated that there was a note on that paper that had a question mark at the top and a list that started with bring drinks, candy bars, flowers, maybe a book, and that list ended with what the fuck does she want?
I had a beauty in the body of a beast, and I didn't see that. I just saw ...what did I see? It was like... something I couldn't reach in my own damn mind.
I wrote the word on the top of the page and showed him.
"You're a virgin?" He shook his head no. I nodded. I scribbled some more though I could no longer say I had never been kissed. Didn't know how to throw that into this timeline, so I wrote only a kiss.
"Then why did you put your room on the list?" he asked. "If you didn't want someone?"
Yeah, that was the question of the year. I wrote out what happened, and he was getting impatient, or disgusted with himself because he kept adjusting his position in the seat. He looked like he just fucked someone, smelled like he just fucked someone, and I was really scribbling hard on that paper by the end of it because technically, he was mine and that someone should be me or no one at all.
I handed it to him and started to take a seat on the edge of the bed but thought better of it. Despite the pain in my knee, my newfound anger was enough to help me get to that chair at the table again.
"I didn't know you were afraid of me. You opened your legs. It's in the... I... don't know how to apologize for this. I am so, so sorry. I was so caught up in my own head, my own fucking fantasy where someone... doesn't matter. Really doesn't matter. I'm going to take a shower. Clean this room. Clean up... this whole mess." He was way too chipper when he said, "Hey, you can have your clothes back. Washed and folded."
It gave me chills down my back. Then he said it, and I remembered the one friend I still had in high school by the end of it. By the end of summer, I had no one. No one had her anymore because she gave all her clothes away as part of a new year, new life party. She invited over people she hadn't talked to in years. Made amends with them. Gave them her shit. I was with my parents on vacation, so I missed it. I remembered telling her how much I hated that I missed it. Her response still haunted me to this day. You're my best friend and I never want to hurt you, but things are about to change. You'll be fine.
I thought she was talking about college since we were going to different schools.
I wasn't fine then, and I was far from fine now. This. I had to do something. I had to try.
Stormy said, "You can keep the clothes you have of mine or burn them in some take back the power ritual. I wish I could do that. But I can't. Took back a little bit of power, but... it's not enough. You know? It's... never mind."
I didn't have a gun to my head, but I wasn't going to let him point one at his either. I sucked in a breath. Knowing the stakes, and since it wasn't about me, I asked, "Because you love her? You have history and she just left mad... because of me? Because she was mad when I came home in your clothes."
"Yeah?" he asked. He smiled, nodded. "I hate her. She is my personal cancer. And my cousin."
He then went into his bathroom and shut the door. I sat there processing that information and then worried he might be about to off himself in the shower. I texted Winston that I needed immediate coaching, or the team was going to be in serious trouble. I let him know where I was. I went to the bathroom and listened. I could hear the water moving as if he were showering. Winston popped in and then moved over and asked, "What the hell—?"
I cut him off, "I fell in the bathroom at the restaurant. Stupid wet floor. I... he's... I think he might try to hurt himself."
"What?" Winston shook his head. "No way."
"I just feel it. I have the same feeling now that I had when Lizzy did it." I fought back the tears.
"Lizzy?"
"Elizabeth. She was always with me. She was on the math—"
"What?" He looked at me and shook his head. "Brown hair, crazy smart—" I nodded. "How? Why? How?"
"She overdosed," I whispered. "The note she left said she was tired of fighting it. Whatever it was." I looked at the door. "I didn't mean to hurt him."
"Of course, not." Winston wiped my tears. "So... you’re here. He... won't do that with you here, so you just... have to stay here." He looked at the dresser and said, "You already have clothes. I'll let Titus and Ripley know so they can take ‘football bro’ duty. Let's get to morning, okay?"
"Okay." I had to trust him. My life literally depended on saving Stormy's life.
"You got this," he said, "Open."
The shower turned off. He winced and said, "I'm going to get something to help with that, too."
He was out of there by the time Stormy opened the door. The big guy jolted and said, "Hey. You're still here."
