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I kept having dreams about him. They were somewhere between horrific and...making me insanely horny which had made me insanely sick to begin with. It was getting better. Just bitter these days, but I hated how much my body hated the thought of me...enjoying anything.
How could I want him to do that to me again? Why? I didn't want him to do that in the first place. I didn't sleep at all last night which is why I was sleeping in this morning. This...Saturday...oh shit.
I heard the tap on the door and then it opened. I was supposed to write my room number on the do not enter list. Instead, I forgot.
Did I forget? Yes. No. I don't even know anymore. It's like there were two of me in this body and one us was trying to break free and...get more orgasms and the other was what I knew, what I knew to be right, that didn't leave a bad taste in my mouth. I made good decisions based on that guide. I didn't eat junk foods. I never let my gas tank get below half before refilling. I...was a nut job. I was starting to think maybe I needed to be tested again.
I didn't have on headphones, but I only had on a t-shirt and underwear under these blankets. He closed the door as he stepped into the room. So much body. So. Much. Body. The part of me that thought yes, you want this was so damn attracted to him. Another part of me only saw someone to fear. It was confusing me.
He looked around and then puffed out a breath and said, "I didn't mean to offend you. I know now you didn't want that."
The giant moved into my room and took a seat next to me on the bed. He looked at me very sincerely with those dark-grey eyes and said, "I'm going to do better this time."
Better? The word hung in my brain, but nowhere near the frozen vocal cords I wanted desperately to work. I talked all the damn time. Why couldn't I speak to him? Why did the sight of this man particularly in my bedroom both excite me and scare me speechless?
He blinked, shook his head, and then said, "Yeah, all right then. Straight to work."
I was still on my back, under my blankets, unable to speak or move, just like the last time he came in and assaulted me. He moved the blankets, appraised me from that position and asked, "Are those...fuck?"
I tried to remember what was on my underwear. Again, something my mother supplied. They were always really soft, comfortable, but really pretty and...sexy. No. No. No. Why was everything from my navel down communicating the wrong message again? He, obviously, had the wrong room. Was meant for someone, but not me. I just couldn't get my brain to send enough signals to make things work like they should in this situation.
He moved his body, shifted mine, looked down at me as I looked up at him in what I thought must express sheer horror but by the expansion of his chest as he sucked in that breath, told him a different story. He hooked his large fingers into the sides of the panties, and while I did not smile on the outside, I did on the inside. That part of my body should tell him the truth.
He stroked the back of his finger down the front of those lips and said, "I'm going to make it worth it this time. I'll get better."
Better? How the hell did he plan to improve on that last performance? Worth it. Oh crap, he thought I didn't keep the wax up because he didn't do it right?
What kind of...shit. I knew that he didn't know I didn't want this. I couldn't seem to save either of us with words because I was mute again. I needed an appointment. I needed to go back to therapy. Something. I needed help.
I gripped the hem of my shirt, held it down, in place. He twisted his lips to the side and said, "Gotta earn every inch. Understood."
Then he looked at my vagina and shifted my legs wider with those massive shoulders as he repositioned himself. He spoke to it, not me as he said, "I haven't done this without a barrier since I learned how to do it."
He didn't have to do it. I didn't want him to do it.
Did I?
I wasn't sure. I didn't even know his name.
Couldn't say it anyway, but I was sure if I could and knew it, I might be screaming it out right now. Better? He made it better. He just revolutionized my whole self-worth. I had no idea my body could do this. Feel like this. I closed my eyes, fought the bitter taste in my mouth from the naughty thoughts, as he pushed that finger into me, worked. His tongue, flesh to flesh, wet, soft, thick. Was he...sucking...dear God in heaven? I know I don't talk to you often, but if this guy gets any better, I might actually die during my orgasm, so maybe I should ask for forgiveness now. Today. Right. Lord. Now.
And that wave rolled up, through me, over me, and I arched my back, my mouth opened, and the slightest sound escaped it.
He lifted from his position and looked at me. Waiting, it seemed. I gulped and managed to turn my head, so I looked at the wall and not his face, his body. My legs, tired, twitching, began to collapse inward, together as he shifted back and stood at the foot of my bed.
"Damn." Then the next thing I heard was the liner from the trash at my desk. This was so confusing to me. He paused at the door. I knew that because I heard it click. He said, "Don't write your number on that paper. I'll do better."
Then he left and I had the same reaction as last time. I cried. What the hell was happening to me? What was I doing?
Who the fuck could I tell?
What would I even say? This mystery guy shows up to lick my vagina and empty my trash?
I pushed my hand down to that mystery box and cupped it. The bitter taste was getting less and less each time, too.
He was so good at that. I could still feel the pulses, the tingles. I breathed out and decided I needed to figure something out. First and foremost, why my room? Why me?
When I walked down the stairs, I heard someone complaining to Essie, the cunt queen extraordinaire, about her guy never showing up. I was sure her name was Katarina but she went by Kinky Kiki. Kiki said, "He is not showing up! I don't care if you've seen him here, he is not coming to our room, and we are not breaking his contract with one girl. You said you wanted to have some fun and torment your cousin. I think he quit before he even started. Why come here when he has a house full of bunnies that would definitely fuck him?"
