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"Let the nanny take her," he says firmly. "That's what you hired her for. Besides, it's not like you're actually Addison's…"
I spin around on my heels to face him and lift my glasses up so he can see the rage in my eyes. "I'm not Addison's…what? Her real mom?"
He cowers and shakes his head. "I'm…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have–"
"I'm the closest thing to a real mom Addison has," I bark. "I'm the only connection she has to the mom she lost. She's the only connection I have to…" My words trail off as the familiar seering ache in my heart returns. It happens at least five times a day now, which is better than it used to be. I'm experienced with it enough now to know when it comes, I'm seconds away from crying. That stitch of pain is my signal to stop talking, change the subject, think of absolutely anything else but Maria.
I avoid bursting into tears, but all hope of focusing is destroyed now. Just as well since it's time to go anyway. I push past Noah to grab my coat and purse.
"Now if you'll excuse me, you've officially destroyed my focus so I'm going to run." I spin around to face him once more on my way out, flashing a cutting smile. "I have to go be a fake mom to my niece."
The moment the lab door closes behind me, I take off down the hall and slam my fingers against the elevator button at the end of it. I pace impatiently as I wait for the ridiculously slow lift to reach my floor. It's true that I factor in five minute buffers when I'm arranging the minutes and hours of the day in my head. But it's also true that traffic and other minor catastrophes tend to eat up all of those buffers, so really it's a good thing that Noah lectured me and chased me off when he did. I promised Addy we'd stop being late everywhere all the time, especially for her dance classes.
I just wish he didn't use that "not her real mom" bull shit to do the chasing with.
After missing the bus, I flag down a cab and tell the driver I'll tip him extra if he gets me across town in record time. It feels like he could be doing better, but since I do arrive faster than I would have if no tip had been offered at all - I stay true to my word and slip him a ten dollar bill.
By the time I make it to my apartment door, I am sweating and out of breath. Just as I reach out to put my key in the door, it swings open so fast that I nearly fall through to the other side. I come face to face with Samantha and Addy.
"There you are! Just in time!" Sam smiles. "We were just about to go on without you."
Addy's angsty eyes darken over me. "You promised we wouldn't be late anymore."
"I know, I know. And…look!" I spread my hands out on either side of my face. "Here I am!"
Addy rolls her eyes and huffs past us into the hall, leaving me to wince in Sam's direction.
"Another bad day?" I ask.
"I've told you. It's all normal preteen girl stuff," she assures me for the hundredth time. "You remember what it's like to be that age."
I turn to study Addy with concern. She storms off towards the elevator without me, looking completely exhausted and annoyed with me, Sam, and the whole world around her. This has become the new normal for her, and while I do remember feeling similar when I was thirteen…I had a mom to lean on through it all. Maria and I both did. And she was the best mom in the world. A "real" mom who, thankfully, we didn't lose until we were in our late teens. That was brutal enough. I can't imagine being in Addy's position, losing her mom so young.
"You know I'm happy to take her to dance class any time," Sam says.
"I won't be so busy when I get the job at Bardot," I explain, keeping my eyes locked on Addy who is now kicking listlessly at the carpet down the hall.
"What makes you so sure?" she asks as she steps out to lock the door behind her. "Bardot is like a million times more prestigious than the research lab."
"And they pay a million times more," I remind her.
"And probably expect even longer hours from you in exchange."
"Bardot has the budget I need to actually finish everything I've been working on all these years. I can accomplish more in five minutes at that facility than I can in five weeks at the rundown excuse for a lab I've been working in."
She doesn't look so convinced, but she forces a smile for my sake and says, "I hope you're right."
"I am. Now…we have to go." I throw my arms around her for a quick hug. "Thank you for everything. I'll see you tomorrow!"
We rush off, catching the subway just in time to arrive at the dance studio only five minutes late.
"It's still late," Addy scoffs as she heads for the door, behind which her class has already started.
"Five minutes is better than ten or fifteen minutes!" I argue, waving at her as she rolls her eyes and marches in.
I suck in a deep breath and blow it out again, then fish my phone out of my purse. Once I'm nestled into a more private corner of the lobby full of waiting parents, I scroll to Dr. Kate Langley's number in my contacts and press the dial button.
"Kate, hi! Sorry to bother you. It's Vanessa. Again. I was just wondering if you've heard anything about the position. I know you told me to wait a week, but it's been two business days and…"
