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I blew out a breath. “Like the entire off-season?” I thought maybe we could go on vacation to a beach somewhere or maybe spend some time in Europe.
“Yes. I haven’t seen my cousins in a while and…” She met my gaze, and I instantly knew from the look in her eyes. We’d argued about it before. Where would we end up once our careers were over? Hers was over, but mine was continuing, and she’d become fully resentful at this point. “I think I want to move home.”
I stood up in a flash. “You what?”
“I want to move back to Lake Starlight.”
I ran my hand through my hair and pulled. I had no idea what to do anymore. “You’re leaving me?”
“We can do long distance.”
I dropped to my knees in front of her and took her hands. “We always said no to long distance. Why can’t you stay here? We’ve built a life here together.” At least I thought we had.
“I can’t do it anymore.” Tears broke free, breaching her cold demeanor, and I was happy to at least see some emotion. She had been eerily calm since the news of her career ending.
“Do what?” I was desperate to know her answer, what was really going on in that head of hers.
“I’m mad, Rylan! I’m so mad!”
“I know—”
She whipped her hands out from mine and stood. “No, you don’t. You don’t know because you get to go and play the game you’ve spent your entire life training for. But the sport I loved broke my heart because after all this time, here I am, and I have no idea who I am without soccer.” More tears streamed down, and my chest ached at seeing her in so much pain.
I sat on the hardwood floor of our bedroom, unsure what I could possibly say that would make it better.
“It’s everything we’ve had in common all these years.”
“I don’t love you because you play soccer.” My eyes burned with unshed tears.
“Played,” she corrected. “Past tense.”
“Calista—”
“I wish it was different, and I’ve stayed this entire time because I thought it would be, but every day I grow more and more angry, and all that anger is turning to you, and I can’t seem to stop it from happening. I love you and I don’t want to keep hurting you, but I know I will.”
Her words cut me. A gaping wound in the center of my chest. And I wondered how I would feel had the roles been reversed. Could I go to her games and cheer her on? Would I be able to start a life away from soccer while still having to be around it all the time? She’d done the work just like I did. The long hours of training, the special coaches, all the effort it took to be the best. And what had it earned her? A broken heart.
“There has to be a solution.” I couldn’t see my life without her. We had been through so much, and these last three years were the best of my life.
She stared out the window. “I’m not going to take any of this away from you. I’m happy for you. I am. And I’m sure this is selfish, but I keep thinking, why me? Why not someone else? Why did I have to be the one who had their dream ripped away from them?”
Her questions were valid, but I didn’t have the answers.
“I’ll move back with you,” I said. “I’ll travel during the season, keep the condo, but every long break and off-season, we’ll build our life there.”
She huffed and sat on the floor across from me. She nuzzled into my arms, and I moved so my back rested against the side of our bed. I held her close and kissed her temple. This was the most contact she’d allowed me in weeks.
“We both know that’s not what you want.”
We’d had arguments in the past. Arguments I figured we’d settle after we were done with our professional careers. In all honesty, I felt if we got married and had kids in the city, maybe she wouldn’t want to uproot them and take them to Lake Starlight. She wanted them to grow up in the small town that raised her, and I wanted to bring them up in a big city where everyone didn’t know everything about them and their family members.
“I want you,” I said. “I love you.”
She took my arms and tightened them around her. “I love you, but I’m not sure love is enough anymore.”
“Love is supposed to conquer all,” I told her.
We sat in silence. I was desperate to say something, anything to change her mind. But I didn’t want her to stay here and hurt more than she already was.
