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CHAPTER ONE – GRACE
The Dramas of Dating
“He stuck it in my arse.”
I paused with my fingers hovering over the keyboard of my laptop and slowly raised my gaze from my dissertation I was working on to where my best friend was staring at me. “I’m sorry… What?”
Amber slammed her keys on the coffee table and met my gaze. “He stuckhispenisupmy bum.”
“No, no, I got that bit,” I replied, letting my hands settle on my laptop. “Also, hello.”
She sighed, throwing herself onto the sofa and almost knocking over my bottle of water in the process of putting her feet up on the coffee table.
“The date didn’t go well, then?” I asked, glancing at the time. “Despite it going on all night.”
And her wearing the same clothes she’d left in sixteen hours ago.
If looks could kill, Amber would be on the hook for murder. “Grace!”
“What? I was only asking.” I blinked. “Also, did you close the front door?”
“Did I not slam it hard enough for you?”
“I didn’t know if Mrs. Johanssen, four houses down, heard you or not, so I thought I ought to check.”
“Grace! You’re my best friend. Aren’t you supposed to offer me some advice?”
“Sorry, Amb. I’m not really sure what to reply to an accidental dick in the arse except offering you some Vaseline,” I replied honestly. “Of all my dating fails, I can’t say I’ve ever been as unfortunate as that.”
Amber stared at me, and she blinked so emphatically that one of her false eyelashes came free from the glue and peeled away from her eyelid.
“You’ve got a little…” I touched the tip of my nail to my eye and lightly tapped.
She winced and peeled it off. “Better?”
“Not really. Now I feel like I’m talking to half a bird.”
“For God’s sake.” She carefully removed the other eyelash—that was obviously applied yesterday—and dropped them in an empty mug on the coffee table. “Is that better?”
“I’d prefer you put them in the bin as opposed to my tea mug, but I suppose it isn’t worse,” I replied, manually saving my essay. “How did he put it in your arse?”
Amber blinked at me. “I’m never doing it doggy style again.”
That explained quite a bit.
“Ah. But still, how don’t they know? Surely the resistance is a dead giveaway. I mean, it goes from wet and ready to…”
“Putting a bowling ball in a buttonhole?”
“Slightly more drastic a descriptor than I was initially going for, but I suppose it works.” I shrugged and saved my document again to make sure, then put my laptop on the table. “I guess you won’t be seeing him again, then.”
“What gave it away?”
“I don’t know. I mean, it is lunchtime. Is he that bad if you’ve been with him that long?”
“We didn’t get back to his place until two in the morning. I tried calling you after the terrible sex from his bathroom to pick me up, but you didn’t answer.”
I blinked at her. “Yes, Amber. It was four a.m. I was doing the same thing most normal people were doing and sleeping.”
