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AMBER: Any hot, multimillionaire duke friends?
ME: …I have those.
AMBER: Yes, but you don’t talk to them, so what good is that for me? You’re not going to introduce me to any of them.
ME: I talk to them.
AMBER: Your cousin group chat doesn’t count.
ME: There’s only one duke in there, and he’s German.
AMBER: Is he single?
ME: Yes. I’ll introduce you. Can we get back to my problem now?
AMBER: It’s not really a problem though, is it? So you’re snogging a hot VISCOUNT who’s going to inherit a Scottish castle. That you were once friends with as a kid. His whole family loves you. Your pretend relationship is going to piss Carmen off to no end. Quite frankly the only problem here is that you haven’t fucked him yet.
ME: My God. I might die if I do that.
AMBER: Good, at least I won’t have to listen to your complaining.
ME: I will make you pay rent.
AMBER: No, you won’t. If you do, I’ll stop loading the dishwasher.
ME: …touché.
AMBER: Would fucking him be the worst thing in the world? If he’s a good kisser, he’s going to rock your world in bed. It’s not like you’re not already sharing one.
ME: It’s not that. I’m not exactly shy. It’s just… Idk.
AMBER: Omg. You like him.
ME: I didn’t say that.
AMBER: IT’S BEEN LIKE TWO DAYS.
ME: It’s been more than two days.
AMBER: Fine, it’s been five days. Have you lost your mind?
ME: We knew each other as kids. That’s different… right? Plus we’re sharing a bed and spending like all our time together.
AMBER: Omg. He’s your soulmate.
ME: Soulmates are bullshit.
AMBER: I’m your platonic soulmate.
ME: That’s different.
AMBER: Hardly. Our souls speak to each other.
ME: My soul is telling yours to fuck off.
AMBER: My soul is embracing the chaos.
ME: This conversation has gotten a little weird.
