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Together, they were the poster couple for happiness, andeveryonefelt it. It radiated off them in waves, and it was easy to see how much they truly loved each other and everyone around them.
She’d been a real bridezilla at times, but looking at her now, at how happy she really was, it wasn’t because she was being a brat. It was because she really did want the most perfect day, and it was amusing to me that she’d gotten it all because she’d let go of the pressure of trying to make it that way.
Wellies and all.
That was perhaps my favourite part. She’d taken time even during the ceremony to show off her wellies. There’d been a moment of tension when she’d reached the end of the aisle, and she’d pulled up her substantial skirt to show James her wellies, grinned, and all the nerves had visibly dissipated from the both of them.
And everyone else, too.
Katie had been the biggest bundle of nerves all morning. For all the pomp and drama around the wedding, they’d had the tiniest wedding party known to man—James’ brother as his best man and said brother’s six-year-old daughter as Freya’s bridesmaid.
I hadn’t given much thought to it until Katie had dragged me to Freya’s room along with Morag for all those little things that happen before a wedding. I’d managed to get out of photos, thankfully, except for a couple that I’d had no choice about. It had been awkward, but not the end of the world.
For my part, I’d specified that I not be part of the album due to thenewness of my relationship, and Morag had slowly nodded in agreement.
Katie and Freya had laughed. Obviously, they knew the truth about me and William, but they’d wanted a photo anyway. Katie for nostalgia, and Freya because I was almost certain there was no way I’d get away with never speaking to her again.
We were friends.
Disentangling myself from this family was going to prove to be harder than I’d thought.
Partially because I didn’t want to.
I didn’t want to separate myself from Katie and Stuart, people who had stories about my lovely mum to share with me. I didn’t want to kill a rekindled friendship with Freya, who was genuinely one of the nicest people I’d ever met, even when she was up to her eyeballs in stress.
And William…
God, I didn’t know.
I didn’t want to build a wall between us, either even though I was scared of the consequences of not doing so.
Would I be able to forget what it was like when he kissed me?
Would the memory of his arms around me as we slept eventually ebb away?
Would I ever be able to go back to my life where he didn’t exist anymore, and my heart didn’t pitter-patter at the mere sound of his footsteps?
Would my stupid, stupid little heart get over those delirious, warm fuzzies it felt whenever we were together?
Too many questions. Too many things unknown. Too many scary, scary options.
I just… didn’t want it.
I didn’t want it.
That was it. Whatever it was, I didn’t want it. I didn’t want him in my life with these silly feelings, but I didn’t want him out of my life, either.
I didn’t want to go back to Oxleigh, knowing he lived nearby, and we could bump into each other at any moment. What if my heart didn’t get over its little crush? What if he didn’t feel the way I did and met someone else? And I saw him with her?
Would I be okay with that?
Would I be happy he was in my life?
More than that, could I be friends with someone who made me feel as magical as he did?
Well, I’d read enough books to know the answer to that.
And my best friend couldn’t stop going out with a man who’d given her accidental anal—more than once—because of the way he made her feel, so I also had real-life experience to know the answer for it.
