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“About an hour ago,” I replied. “I wanted to hear it from you.”
“It’s not something I wish to discuss,” Dad said quietly, looking at me. “It wasn’t your problem back then, and it’s not now.”
“It is,” I said firmly. “Dad, I deserve to know the truth. I’ve spent the last eighteen years thinking you were solely responsible for the divorce—that you cheated on her and broke her heart because she wasn’t good enough.”
“That’s what you thought? Think?”
“That she wasn’t good enough because you only got a daughter? Yes, and forgive me for it, but given that you married Carmen as quickly as you legally could after you found out she was having a boy, all signs kind of pointed to that.”
He sighed heavily. “Sit down.”
“I don’t want to. I just want to know the truth, Dad. I’m twenty-eight. I think I can handle it now.”
“It’s true,” he said, holding my gaze. “Everything your grandmother told you is true. The divorce was all your mother. I never wanted it. I didn’t care that she could no longer have children. We had you, and that was all I needed.” He paused. “That and her to get better. I wasn’t ready for the ‘til death do us part’ part of the vows.”
“So you left when she was alive instead.”
“I guess I did, yes.”
“Why didn’t you tell me the truth?”
“Simply, you were a child. When we divorced, you were too young to need to know the ins and outs of it. Harriet wanted to tell you when she found out her cancer was terminal, but I wouldn’t allow her.”
I swallowed. “Granny said that.”
“We argued so much about it.” His lips pulled into a small smile. “She wanted you to know the truth since our relationship was strained, but I refused to bring her down just for my own sake.”
“You should have told me.”
“Perhaps I should have, and I’m deeply sorry that I didn’t,” Dad said quietly. “But I made the decision I felt was best for you at the time.”
“So did Mum.”
“Yes, but like everything she did, it was something that would hurt her but benefit someone else. Again, it would benefit me, and it would be at her expense. I let her do that once, and I wasn’t going to do it again.”
“Did you know how I felt?”
“Yes.”
“You could have changed that if you’d told me the truth. Our relationship could have been different.”
“I don’t regret it, Grace. If I had my way, you never would have known. Your grandmother never should have told you. I knew you blamed me, and I was happy to live with that blame if it meant you saw your mother how I saw her.”
I wrapped my arms around my waist and looked down.
“You were already losing your mother; you didn’t need to lose your memories of who you thought she was, too,” he said softly. “We knew she was terminal long before we told you. You were hurting so much, and I didn’t see a need to make that worse.”
“Why did she do it?” I asked. “Make you leave.”
“Our family’s legacy is old. She knew how important it was to us all to keep that line going, and she wasn’t able to do that. I talked her round from it once, but she was never able to let it go.” He sighed, getting up and walking over to the bar at the side of the room. He opened a bottle and poured a whiskey, then stared into the glass for a moment. “She was overwhelmed, and while she had someone to speak to about her health, she never spoke about life in general. I tried to encourage her to, so did your grandmother, but she wouldn’t. She was stubborn, and once her mind was made up, her mind was made up.”
“You did it anyway.”
“I was humouring her. The night I met Carmen… it was a mistake, Grace. I can’t explain my actions to this day, and I told your mother the next morning. She forgave me. She said she was glad, because it meant I was coming around to her way of thinking.” He laughed, shaking his head. “I didn’t have the heart to tell her I was blind drunk when it happened. After that, I told her I was going on dates when I wasn’t, and it genuinely made her happy.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Neither do I.” He finally turned around and looked at me. “I intended to drag it out as long as humanly possible, believe me. She was happy, and while I hated lying to her… I don’t know, Gracie. It wasn’t an issue while I lied to her.”
