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“What does this mean?” I ask.
Connor holds his hand out. I give him his drink, and he downs it, then extends the glass. I grab it and stand to walk to pour him some more even though he is drunk off his ass. This day calls for it. Thankfully, there is a bottle of water on the bar cart, so I grab it for myself.
As I make my way back to him, he snags my hips, pulling me in front of him. Some of the scotch spills over the side, rolling down my arm and dripping onto his pants. His legs are splayed on either side of me, and his hands knead the soft skin of my waist. I lean over, depositing the drinks on the small table between the chairs. His hands are under the hem of my shirt as he explores, but his gaze isn’t heated; it’s detached.
He’s distracting himself. And I let him do it.
It’s distracting me too.
He leans forward, pressing his lips to my navel. I arch into him. He places his forehead against me. I stroke my fingers through his hair. I don’t know how long we stay like that, but I don’t move until he does. He turns his head to the side, blowing out a long breath. I step away, mourning the loss of his hands. He grabs his scotch, and I take the water, quenching my thirst.
Maybe it’s the need to feel something after all of this, but my body aches for him.
He’s turned away from me, his free hand lightly drumming on the armrest.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him.
The drumming stops.
“It’s a little late for that,” he says, still looking away from me.
I know he’s right. It doesn’t matter why I did it; it’s the fact that I betrayed him in the first place.
“You fulfilled your part of our agreement. I fulfilled mine. There’s nothing left for us.”
He goes still, and I watch the muscle in his jaw tic.
I forge ahead. “I want to cremate Ruby and lay her to rest.”
In a sense, I’m telling him I’m leaving to see if he will protest.
But he doesn’t.
“Okay,” is all he says, then starts to nurse his beverage.
I can’t sit in this tense, depressive atmosphere any longer. He’s not the same Connor I married. But in his defense, I’m different now too. I’ve grown up a lot, seen a lot, done a lot. And I’m a changed woman.
I stand, waiting to see if he will reach for me again, but he holds his spot, never wavering. I leave him, in search of food and my car keys so that I’ll have everything when I need it.
The next few days, I’m a mess. I hardly eat or sleep as I think about what I’m about to do. I desperately need to leave. I can taste hate in the air. It chokes me, wanting me gone. But I need Ruby.
I decide once she’s safely in my grasp, then I will leave. I’ll take her with me, start over, and make a new life for myself.
30
CONNOR
I’m shuffling through papers on my desk in an uncommon burst of sobriety, not really seeing anything. I don’t know what I’m looking for, maybe something to keep me busy. Something to occupy all my thoughts so nothing else can.
I eye the decanter on the tray, my fingers itching to pour some liquid nirvana. It helps me, whispers sweet nothings into my ear, takes care of me.
My door opens, and Geo storms in and throws himself into the chair across from me. I glance up at him, unimpressed that he’s interrupted my time.
“She’s going to leave.”
“I’m aware,” I snap, but he’s used to my moods now.
“She’s packed all of her belongings, and Brigette says she asked her for some food.”
