AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I felt like he needed to say it to make it real.
I hated how addictive he was. I wanted to watch the way he smiled at me forever, drown in the light in his eyes and the pure pleasure on his face as he ran his gaze over my body.
“What, this?” I looped my thumb under the strap, tugging it away from my skin so he could admire the curve of my breast. “It was the only clean bra I had.” I shrugged, like it was nothing, like I hadn’t already made my decision before I’d left the flat.
“Liar.” He sounded so pleased.
“So now we’re both liars.”
Our stare lasted the briefest second, but it was enough to make it clear. We were both responsible, we both carried pain, and we would both heal.
I sighed as he buried his face into me, his cheeks pressing against my breasts as he inhaled. He snaked his arms around my waist, stroking my back. Feeling him sinking into my chest was such a drug.
I loved him. I stopped hiding and pretending and actually told him I loved him, and the world didn’t end.
I curled my fingers around his neck. His skin was still cold and pale, his blue veins a sharp contrast beneath my fingers. I pushed my thumbs under his chin, forcing his head back and making him look at me. I loved how easily he gave himself to me, how he let me move him and control him.
“You really are the worst person I’ve ever met.”
“Worse than the murderers?”
“Even worse than the murderers. I’ve never met someone so despicable.”
It was that smile, the way he grinned at me with no reserve, how his brightness pierced straight to my heart and left me weak and open. It was why I wanted to hurt him.
I pushed him away from me, looking down on him, so aware of the press of his thighs between mine, the way his hands calmly stroked my skin, how he seemed to gaze into the deepest part of me and loved everything he saw.
I kept my left hand firm on his neck, making sure he looked at me. The other dropped, landing over his thundering heart, my hand warm against his cool chest.
“See this here?” I held myself still. It was so easy to tell him what to do, command him, punish him, but actually showing him how I felt? It bordered on embarrassing. “As long as this is still beating, it’s mine. Do you understand?”
How could he look at me like that and not be ashamed of himself? All his songs were about death and sex, dark, depressing images of a hopeless world, yet he smiled at me like he’d never ask for anything else as long as I was with him. Or maybe that’s what I wanted to think.
“Always. Never doubt it, Kitty Cat.” He brought one of his hands from my hip to rest on top of mine. “Even after it stops, it will still be yours.”
That bubble, that energy, the thing that swarmed around us every time we gazed at each other, opened up, bursting around us, drowning me as I let myself speak without thinking.
“No. You’re never leaving me again. Not without my permission.” I caged his head with my arms, forcing him back onto the seat, pinning him down, holding him fast. I’d never let him go, not after all of this. “Even if you’re a million miles away, as long as I’m in your heart, you can never escape.”
If he ever betrayed me again, I’d chase him to the ends of the earth to make sure he paid for it. Whether he loved me or not, he was stuck with me for life.
It pissed me off, but I knew I’d forgiven him. It wasn’t as if the pain had magically disappeared, but we were together. I wasn’t stuck alone in a room trying to breathe through a panic attack. I was with him, and I trusted him enough to stand by me through the pain. As I would for him.
His mouth dropped open. I’d never seen him look so innocent. He tried to say something, but all that came out was choked laughter as he clung to me. I could feel his body softening, giving way to mine. He looked lost for words, so I helped him.
“Tell me, Max. Are you going to leave me?”
It was awful how exposed I felt saying it, but it was good to finally let it free.
“No.” He sighed, his hands travelling up my back as he leant towards me. “Not for a single second. I’m yours. Forever.”
I gave him what he wanted, capturing his lips and sinking into his mouth. I sucked on his bottom lip, loving the way his moan rang through my body.
He still had to go on tour and travel and endure my parents and everything else life threw at us, but we’d face it together. We’d changed and grown enough that we could keep finding each other, creating a path into the future.
The kiss ended as I nipped his lips, staring at him again. I needed to make sure. I had to look into his eyes and see I wasn’t making a huge mistake.
But there he was, meeting me with everything he had, and I weakened again.
