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This is a mess, but sadly, as much as I don’t want to be part of it, I am. It’s my freaking mess. My eyes fall on my too large diamond engagement ring. This thing must be worth an insane amount of money. It makes me uncomfortable knowing that anyone's eye could fall on it.
Even thoughts of what our marriage day will look like terrify me already. It will be over the top, with only one goal in mind: to show off. It’s definitely not how I would picture my wedding day, but well, here we are.
I grab my phone and snap a picture of my ring and send it to my neighbour. There’s an urge inside me to hear him, to see him.
Evangeline: Do you think they could see it from space?
It doesn’t take a second before it indicates he read it. My heart beats quickly, and my hands grow clammy. I want him to at least give me the illusion that he’s here with me. Supporting me while absolutely disapproving of it.
His name flashes on my screen, and my hand starts to shake, but the only thing my head screams isfinally. I accept the call and bring my phone to my ear.
“Chester?”
“What the fuck is that?” His voice is cold and strict, but still, I’m glad to hear him.
“My engagement ring,” I whisper, still not believing it’s on my finger, but its weight for sure proves that it’s there.
Chester breathes out loudly but keeps quiet. I don’t know what to say, what to ask. Normally, our conversations are fluid, but this is different. But it’s not awkward. No, it’s loaded with unspoken words and pain.
I wish he was here with me.
“Chester?” I wonder out loud.
“Yeah, princess. I’m here,” he says.
“How have you been?”
“I’m okay. You?” Liar because that tone of voice doesn’t show a man who has been doing fine. He sounds as miserable as I am.
“All right,” I say, and his deep chuckle travels over the line. It sounds so soothing and beautiful that it makes me close my eyes. I yearn to hear it repeatedly.
“Where have you been?” I ask, and the hurt in my voice is crystal clear. I can’t hold myself upright anymore. I didn’t realise it was Topper, Chester, and his friends that helped me stand up straight, but now the rug has been pulled from under my feet, and I’m falling to the ground with no one to stop me.
“I’ve been trying to keep myself busy with work. It keeps me from thinking about something.”
“About what?” I whisper, even though I already know the answer.
“You, princess. You’ve been on my mind since the day you told me you weren’t interested in my array of STDs, which I don’t have by the way.” A small smile makes its way onto my lips. A warm feeling grows in my chest, but it’s mixed with deep sorrow.
“Still waiting on that medical report, then,” I joke, and I hear his deep laughter over the phone.
It slowly tapers off, and once again, it’s quiet. So quiet it breaks my heart, knowing what is waiting around the corner. Air is stuck in my throat, and my eyes grow wet. I don’t want to cry, but this is breaking my heart into a million pieces, and I can’t find the glue anymore.
“Princess?” he whispers and that word makes the first few tears drip from my eyes. A sob leaves me before a stream of tears fall. My throat gets clogged, and I see my life flash in front of me, and it doesn’t include Chester or his friends who I was looking forward to getting to know better.
“I don’t want to get married.”
“I don’t want you to get married either.” My heart bleeds at his words.
A knock sounds at the door, so I quickly wipe away my tears.
“Occupied,” I yell. “I have to go.” I grab some toilet paper to fix my make-up.
“Okay, princess, and just so you know, I would give you my heart just to keep yours whole.”
“Goodbye, Chester,” I say, before ending the call and succumbing to the overwhelming sense of loneliness and despair.
I rearrange my hair and pull my clothes back into place, as if nothing happened. As if my heart isn’t screaming out in pain. I slowly open the door before smiling at the guest waiting to use the bathroom.
