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That my brother is a lying bastard.
I memorised what I’ll say to Chester and how I’ll phrase it. I will keep my emotions at bay because I have one goal in mind, and it won’t be sabotaged by my broken heart.
It’ll be simple. I’ll knock on his door and immediately pose the question I need answered. It’ll be over in a matter of minutes, and it will mark the last time I lay eyes on my neighbour.
It’s simple.
Yet, I woke up with a tremendous fear of hurting myself even more by putting what I cannot have in front of me.
Still, I need to know the truth. Frederic has a track record of lying and manipulating, which means I can’t trust him.
My only hope lies in the palm of Chester’s hands, the man who broke my heart.
I drop my phone and bag on the marble table that holds our mail. It pings while I reach for my thin sweater. The temperatures have been rising, and I hope for a warm summer. My phone pings again, and before I can see who’s trying to reach me, a loud voice makes me jump.
“Where are you going?” My eyes flicker to my brother, standing in the door that leads to the kitchen. His cold stare drags over my outfit, and there’s already distrust on his face. I swallow, feeling that one emotion I connect to Frederic, fear, building inside me already, falling over me like a shiver.
He’s shadowed by the lack of light, and it creates an unsettling feeling. It’s quiet as he waits for my answer, and it makes me even more nervous.
“I’m going for a run. I need to shake off these nerves,” I lie, hoping he will buy it because the last thing on my mind is arguing with a man I can never beat. I’ll have what I need to win in a few minutes. I’ve put on my running outfit to throw Frederic off, in case he caught me leaving the house.
“Alone?” He raises one eyebrow, but the tone of his voice is threatening, sending another shiver down my spine.
“Yes.” I wait for his permission as he bites on the inside of his cheek.
I need those answers.
“All right,” he finally says, and I smile his way politely before turning around in a hurry. I grab my fanny pack from the table, and with a pounding heart and a nauseous stomach, I walk to the front door, but before I can escape my brother, he speaks again.
“What happened with the man you wanted to marry?”
“Excuse me?” I wonder, not connecting the dots straight away.
“You had another fiancé in mind. What happened?” My face falls, and my breathing halts for a few seconds. Does he know that I asked Chester to save me from this nightmare?
No, Frederic can’t know, but still, there’s this irrational fear that he might.
“No, he didn’t agree to it,” I say quickly and ignore the punch to my gut.
“Mmm.” Frederic purses his lips as he feigns surprise. “Then, it’s a good thing I didn’t call off this wedding.” I nod my head, whispering in my head that things could soon change.
“Evangeline, tell me, who did you have in mind to marry? I’m curious.” My heart drops to my stomach, and for a second, I’m robbed of air, frozen in place, unable to speak or move.
“No one important.” I decide to say, even though my stomach is tangled in knots and my heart still longs for my neighbour.
***
Chester
Soul-searching is what they call it, I assume, and I must say it bloody sucks not to know your destiny, your faith, or your calling. The only thing I’m aware of is how lost I feel, and it’s mixed with so much guilt. Every hour that passes is one to try to figure out what I’m supposed to do with my paradoxical problem. But time is running out because tomorrow is the day. If I don’t figure things out soon, Evangeline will be married.
One moment my mind favours my beautiful neighbour, who I don’t want to lose because I love her. I love her with all my heart, but it’s my brain that reminds me that it would be a mistake to chase her. So, which one should I listen to? It’s impossible to figure out, and Doctor Google mentioned therapy at least four times to cure my thoughts.
The only thing I’m quite sure of is that I miss her so fucking much. Sometimes, it’s like I feel her touch, hear her laughter, and when I open my eyes, she’s gone, and I’m reminded, once again, of the huge void inside me. Despite my apprehension of marriage, I’m not happy with the decisions I’m making.
I vowed not to make a stupid decision like my parents did, but circumstances are different. Complicated. And I desperately want to pick Evangeline’s side. Would it be a stupid decision? I love her, and my future seems almost dull now.
Like a coward, I’ve texted her to explain where my head is at because my brain will derail the second my eyes settle on her, so I can’t trust myself not to fuck it up when I face her. The text is a love letter with a pathetic ending. What I need is the strength to overcome my fear, and I lack it completely.
