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He stiffens, and then slowly shakes his head. "He was always doing things like that to her. Taking her for granted and making her feel like she was never enough. I watch him now with your mom, and I just wonder if that was my mom's curse, thinking that she'd fallen for her soulmate, when he was never that to begin with. My father never felt that way about her. He never looked at her like she was his beginning and the end. He didn’t look at her the way he looks at your mom. Funny thing is that I actually believed he loved my mom growing up. He probably thought he did too. But now…with your mom in the picture, we both know that’s a lie.”
His fingers dig into the grass around him frantically, like he wants to unearth the coffin lying six feet under him.
“I think that's probably one of the worst things in life, falling for someone who can never love you the way they should. The way they deserve,” he says hoarsely.
Noah rarely, if ever, has talked so openly like this…and it's almost too much. Him showing me this version of himself, the one that feels so deeply and sees the world almost as a romantic. I would've never expected the words ‘soulmate’ to come from his lips, and it's completely heartbreaking thinking about what he’s just said.
"I'm sorry," I whisper. And I'm not exactly sure what I'm apologizing for.
Am I apologizing for her death…or the fact that my mom is his dad’s true soulmate?
Things would have been simpler if the opposite was true. But there is a visceral part of me that can’t imagine a world where Noah wasn’t in my life, no matter how he got here.
Thunder breaks the silence around us and it sparks an idea in my head.
"I'll be right back," I say, springing to my feet. He stares at me like I've lost my mind, but I start to back away nevertheless.
"Don't go anywhere!" I call out inanely, like it makes sense for him to continue sitting in the mud in the cemetery.
It takes me a couple of steps to drag my gaze away from his, but then I turn and start sprinting, out of the cemetery, and down the sidewalk towards where some of the stores are. I’m puffing by the time I get to the small grocery store, and judging by the looks I'm getting, I’m a mess. Water and mud are puddling on the floor beneath me. I ignore all of their looks and make my way towards the bakery located on the left of the store.
I see it immediately, what I’ve come in here for. A chocolate cupcake with a cherry on top.
"That one, please," I tell the employee standing behind the glass counter. He eyes me dubiously, but reaches in and grabs the one I’ve pointed to.
I fidget as I watch him place the cupcake in a small cardboard box, and I practically yank it out of his hands when he holds it out to me.
"Thank you!" I remember to call out as I rush towards another aisle, searching for a birthday candle.
By the time I’ve left the store, I have a cupcake, a candle, and a lighter tucked away in a small plastic sack. I hustle back towards the cemetery, urgency threading through my veins.
Will he still be there? I wonder as I make my way down the sidewalk.
I hesitate once I get to the entrance of the cemetery and see him in the same spot I left him.
What the hell am I doing? The idea suddenly seems stupid, but as if he can feel my presence, Noah turns in my direction and sees me, and I have no choice but to walk towards him.
I stand in front of him, fumbling with the sack in my hand. His gaze dips curiously towards it.
"Where did you go?" he asks.
I think about lying for a second, telling him something ridiculous like I had to go grab some tampons, but the sight of him sitting there, his shoulders drooped, and his shirt plastered to his skin gets me going.
I plop myself to the ground and pull out the cardboard box, which immediately gets soaked.
He’s still staring at me curiously, so I flip open the lid of the box to showcase the cupcake.
"I thought…we could celebrate her birthday properly," I whisper nervously.
His gaze widens, those incredible eyes of his searching my face, and I can't read at all what he's thinking, his face is perfectly blank.
His hand finally reaches out to grab the cupcake and he stares at it for another long while.
"I got candles too," I say, before realizing how ridiculous that was. How am I going to light a fire when it’s pouring buckets out here?
He doesn't make fun of me though. He just continues to stare at the cupcake, his thoughts a million miles away.
Finally, when I almost can't take the silence anymore, he speaks. "I like it," he murmurs, taking the lid all the way off the cupcake even though it's now getting soaked. I pull the candle and the lighter out with trembling hands, and he sets down the box and the cupcake on the ground, holding his hand over it as I push a bright pink candle into the spongy cake. I try to light it, but I'm shaking too bad, either from the cold or my nerves about the situation.
