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Kieran doesn’t reprimand me; it’s more of a fact to him. But he’s mistaken. I am terrified to uncover this man.
He already consumes my thoughts. The boy was embers; the man is a ravishing fire. And these moments, these signs of vulnerability, he shows me how much he wants me to let him in. Whenever I glimpse something about him that is warm andgood, it shakes up something inside of me. And I can’t allow to have even an ounce of vulnerability for him.
He made you come today, Aurora. That ship has sailed.
Kieran cocks his head, a frown deepening his brows. “You’re doing it again.”
“What?”
“Retreating inside yourself, building walls. But I will break them down. One after another. Again and again, and a-fucking-gain.”
“You left today.”
He places the guitar to the side and puts his face in his hands. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Aurora, and it’s driving me crazy.”
“I think it would have been different if...”
Vulnerability so strong flickers in his eyes, tearing at my walls. “If we started differently?”
“Yes.”
“You’re attracted to me, but that means nothing when you give in for only seconds, while I want hours, days, months, a lifetime. I don’t regret how it started.”
We’re back to this, to the one truth: nothing will change, nothing will make me forget.
“Of course, you couldn’t possibly fathom what it is to have no choice.”
“If you like to believe that . . .”
“As if anyone could make you do things you don’t want.”
He puts the guitar back in its case. It’s in the way he takes care, as if to not break it. That melts me. When he leans back in the chair, our eyes lock.
“Give this a chance. Us. You want it too. And I am fucking desperate for it,” he says, leaving me completely mind blown.
I feel like I am being pulled in two different directions, and in the end, it will tear me apart. Restless and torn, I walk back intoour bedroom and step outside onto the terrace, needing some fresh air.
Seeing how my patch of garden looks better, especially illuminated by the full moon, I smile. This has to be the most beautiful prison one can have. I lean on the banister and goose bumps erupt on my arms when I feel his arms wrap around me. It’s like after what we shared, I gave in to something. But it’s moments like this that make it easy to give in. When neither of us talk, when we’re not fighting each other—he to subdue me; I to fight for my freedom—it’s peaceful.
“The garden looks beautiful.”
“Thank you. I spent all my weekends tending to the gardens at school. It grounded me.”
“I want you to be happy, Aurora. I owe it to that girl who looked at me with stars in her eyes, thinking of me as her superhero. It kills me when you look at me as if I am your enemy.” He puts his chin on my shoulder, exhaling a heavy breath, and continues, “Do I want you to settle in and be comfortable in this life? Yes, but not because I am a monster who wants to keep you prisoner. I didn’t have a chance either. But your brother is my best friend. I owe it to him to respect my oath as well, to our dead parents, who wanted to give you a family and love.”
“You didn’t even look at me at their funeral.”
“How could I? I couldn’t give you your mother back.”
“I thought you blamed me,” I say and emotions clog my throat.
Kieran turns me to face him and presses me to his chest. “You were a child. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I told my father, maybe if I hadn’t...”
“Nothing that happened was your fault.”
I clutch his shirt between my hands. “I thought both you and my brother hated me for that, and that’s why you just let him ship me away.”
