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I feared that no one could anticipate anything like this, but Trevor had always been a mystery to me, and I was beginning to resign myself to this always being the case.
The cold, hollow side of our bed that he should have been occupying echoed his words back at me louder than any memory could. It, like so many others, was a time I had dismissed in the rushing tides of my love for him, but I couldn’t turn it away now. Trevor had always been so full of meaning, disguised as it was, and now I was left to figure out the scattered pieces he had left behind. I could never be sure of just how many pieces I was missing.
Chapter Two
My romance with Trevor, and how quickly it came to fruition isn’t something I’m ashamed of, even knowing how it spun out in the end. Truthfully, I don’t know that any woman could have resisted his love-bombing, and I have to admit, the good times … well, they were really,reallygood. To Trevor, love should be everything or nothing at all.
Thanks to my work, luxury wasn’t exactly foreign to me. I’d had my fair share of dinners at five-star restaurants and nights spent in exclusive hotel suites when I had to travel for a certain show or shoot, but it was always on someone else's dime, and it was always just part of work.
Trevor provided me with those things almost like it was second nature to him– as if any lesser options didn’t even exist. Maybe for him, they didn’t. Maybe he had been living this lifestyle for so long nothing else even registered with him anymore.
It wasn’t like I was going to complain.
I was proud of the things that were mine: my modest yet upscale apartment, my completely paid-off car, the body I had sculpted through hours of hard exercise, and the career I had built for myself. The body and the career Trevor also appreciated, but once he and I started dating seriously, I quickly realized the level of wealth he really had.
First, he replaced my black-on-black Jeep with a Tesla Roadster, bright cherry red like his favorite shade of lipstick I wore. He offered to set me up in a new penthouse apartment almost immediately, but I refused, so we spent many alcohol-fueled staycations between the sheets in expensive hotel suites.
Trevor was addicting, with his subtle glances and whisper-soft casual caresses throughout the day, and I was falling hard.
I could tell he got off by telling people his girlfriend was Rachel Starr and then waiting to see if they recognized the name. It was never “This is my girlfriend,” but it was always “Rachel Starr.”
He even changed the lock screen on his phone from a generic forest scene to a shot of me in a tiny black bikini. It was a picture I was particularly proud of, with me lying on my stomach in the sand, the crystalline granules sticking to my skin and reflecting the sun in tiny bursts.
It wasn’t all just seduction, presents, and sex, though. Trevor spent the first few months of the relationship getting to know me on a level that none of my other boyfriends had ever cared about. I took him to a gem of a used bookstore I had found downtown in a three-story house that was over 100 years old, and he followed me up all the dusty staircases, even in his suit that I knew must cost a fortune, asking all the right questions about what I loved to read while also telling me his own favorites.
“Do you want to do this forever? Theperforming, I mean,” Trevor asked me one night, picking me up from a shoot so we could have a late dinner. There was still shimmering pearlescent powder on my legs and arms, and I winced seeing it smear on his black leather seats, but he didn’t seem to mind.
“As long as I am able to, yes,” I reply. “I like what I do. It allows me to express myself in a way that most people aren’t able to. But I won’t be able to forever.”
“You’ll always be perfect to me,” Trevor interjected.
I slid him an amused glance. “Like I was saying … when I age out, I think I have a good enough eye to be a recruiter for new talent. I know what makes a person stand out from the crowd.”
“Like you do,” he offered thoughtfully. I reached over and squeezed his thigh playfully.
“I suppose, yeah. Like I do.”
He smirked, but then his expression and voice turned serious. “You know, if you stay with me, you can do anything you want, at any time. You can change careers as the wind blows. I’ll always support you.”
My initial reaction was to feel flattered by how certain he sounded that we would last, but right on the heels of that feeling there was a speck of apprehension. Surely, he understood I didn’tneedhim to make my way in life, right? He was invited into my life because I wanted him there.
“I told you I love performing, Trevor. I don’t want to change careers. I’m happy with the one I have.”
“I know, babe,” he assured me. He seemed to be thinking carefully about what he was going to say next, not wanting to rub me the wrong way. “I just think you’re so talented and intelligent, you could do anything you set your mind to. I’d be happy to help you, too.”
“Alright,” I answered after a moment, sinking down into the passenger seat and looking out the tinted window at the city lights going by.
What an odd thing for him to say. Sure, there were other things that had caught my interest over the years, but nothing that held it so completely as the art I could make with my body.
Trevor probably had his heart in the right place, and he had never given me any indication that he didn’t like what I did for a living. Hell, if his new lock screen was anything to go by, he reveled in it. Yet, there was always this possibility, whispered about among girls on set, that the men we were interested in would eventually get jealous of our jobs, and want us to retire.
There was always a naive girl or two that would brag about how she was going to be a kept woman and how her man was going to guarantee she never had to work again, but those relationships never lasted, and dropping out of shoots for a boyfriend left a black mark on anyone's resume.
That girl would never be me, though. I was smart and ambitious, and I had way too much common sense to fall victim to some controlling male influence. I hoped Trevor understood that.
His comments on my career weren’t constant and were vague enough for me to let slip by without issue. I had a relatively decent Instagram and Twitter following, but with his guidance, I was able to grow them both substantially and start making some influencer money.
He was involved in my life, and while I adored that aspect of our relationship, it became clear that I would never be able to return the favor.
