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A smile creeps onto my face, a genuine smile, and I find myself turning away from her before she can see it. I don't know what it is she's doing that makes her different, but I plan to stick around and find out.
The high fades all too quickly, and as the light at the end of the tunnel fades to black, I'm left with the only emotion I've known for the past seven years—vexation.
“Get up,” I tell her. She’s just lying there like she’s settled in for a nap, a bead of my cum drying on her chin.
“Give me a minute.”
“We don’t have a minute. I’ve got somewhere to be.”
I fully expected her to get up and run after I finished. Yet, here she is, as comfortable as can be, lying in a cemetery in the pitch-black night. Maybe I miscalculated the intensity of her depravity. At first glance, she’s simply a weak link—one easily pursued. But deep down, I think her mind is as fucked as mine is.
“What the hell are you doing?” I howl into the chilly air.
Finally, she pushes herself up, elbows propped behind her and her ass still on the damp ground. “How long has it been since you…did that?”
My cheeks wear my surprise as they flood with heat at her ridiculous question. One I have no intention of answering. “Did what?” I play dumb, even though I know exactly what she’s asking.
Is that what she’s been lying there thinking about? How long it’s been since a girl sucked my dick?
I can tell she’s uncomfortable, but oddly curious. Her mouth opens to speak but she closes it again before decisively saying, “Never mind.”
“Good. Because my business is none of yours. Now get your ass up, or you can walk outta here alone.”
The truth is, it’s been a very long time. So long, that I don’t even masturbate anymore, because I didn’t think my body knew what it was supposed to do. Not only is my mind completely fucked, my dick is, too. At least, it was.
What just happened is proof that I need her. For whatever reason, my soul reacts to this girl. She’s the only one who can save me from myself, and I’d be a fool to let her get away.
After a few grumbles and curse words, she’s on her feet.
“Quit being so damn dramatic. It was a blow job, not a marathon.”
“It was the most shameful thing I’ve ever done in my life with the person I hate more than anyone.”
“There’s the dramatics again.” I scoff. “More than anyone? Come on now. You shot a guy.” I slap my hands to my chest. “And here I am still standing, so we both know that’s not true.”
“Is that an invitation to put a bullet in your chest? Because next time you drop your pants in front of me, I’d be more than happy to shoot you, too.”
“There she is. The girl who pretends to have remorse, but really doesn’t hold an ounce of it. I don’t fault you for what you did. I think it’s about time you start owning that shit.”
“Owning that shit? I killed a guy, Lev. There is no part of me that wants to own up to that.” Her voice drops to a near whisper. “It’s been almost a year and I’m still trying to convince myself it was a bad dream.”
Not in the mood to try and make someone feel better for an act I don’t give a shit about, I shove her from behind. “Did you miss the part where I said I have somewhere to be?” I don’t care what the fuck Riley does. All I care about is what she can do for me.
She stumbles forward a few feet, then catches herself and growls. “Then maybe you should have been there instead of wasting time with me.”
“Oh, this time was not wasted, that's for sure.”
I give her another shove as we walk toward the wrought-iron gate. The black coating is rusted with corroded surfaces smeared with moisture. It’s distressed and chipped and does nothing to keep trespassers out, especially since it’s always open, welcoming any deranged psychopath who cares to enter.
“You can leave me now,” Riley pipes up. “I know my way back to campus.”
“I’m sure you do, but there’s only one road there, and it’s the one I’m on, so unless you wanna go three miles out of your way, keep walking and keep your mouth shut.”
She gripes and huffs, dramatically making her annoyance known.
Little does she know, her tantrum only has me itching for more of it. I love getting under this girl’s skin, and there isn’t much that humors me these days. I find myself biting back a smile, and a strange feeling floods through my body. It’s unlike anything I’ve felt in a very long time. It’s like an array of hope mixed with dread. I’m unsure if it’s an emotion I like feeling, but it’s something other than sheer hatred, so I count it as a win.
Leaves crunch in the distance and the snapping of a branch has Riley right at my side. It’s hard to see her face in the inky blackness with the dim moon as our only source of light. I don’t need to see her to know she’s startled, though. Over the past couple weeks, I’ve watched her from afar, noticing how the feeblest sounds have her pulse beating visibly beneath her skin.
