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I look out the tinted glass of the passenger-side window of his nice truck. “I’m used to not having anything. If I do have something, it is always taken away somehow. After a while, you figure out that maybe it was never meant to be, and you just have to accept it.”
“Accept what? I don’t think I understand.”
I dig my nails inside the palm of my hand in the pocket of my faded black hoodie and tell him the truth of what I know. What I am to everyone. What I mean to everyone.
“That you mean nothing.”
The sound of his phone ringing interrupts the silence, and he answers as the light turns green.
“Yeah. When? Right now?” He glances at me when he makes a right turn down a side street that I notice is Ky’s street, where his house is.
“I’m down the street. I’ll drop Rubi off and then head over. Are you sure? I’ll be right there, “he says and then hangs up. “That was Ky. He is having a little get together at his house.”
“Wouldn’t you want to drop me off first?”
The last time I came to visit him at the back of his house didn’t end so well. I don’t think he would appreciate me showing up again. I don’t think I have the energy to deal with him if he reverts to being an ass again.
“It’s cool. He said he didn’t mind on the phone just now.”
My spider senses are on high alert. That doesn’t sound like Ky.
Rubi
I FOLLOW TYLERnervously through the front door. My eyes take in the wood color floors, cream walls, and dark and white-colored accents. The house is a work of art. Simplistic, cold, and reminds me of something sterile. Lifeless. It is modern luxury, and the house looks like the ones I have seen on TV. The type of homes that realtors put on the market that is ready to move in, but lacks any warmth. I wonder what his mother and father are like.
Are they caring? Do they love him? I’m sure they do if they give him a life where everything is at his disposal. He has traveled extensively and drives the car that looks like the one he always wanted.
First thing I notice is that there are no pictures of anyone. The staircase handrails are metal and glass and looks like a house you would see in a movie. I thought I would feel warm when I finally got to see the way he lived growing up, but all I feel is cold. All I see is emptiness.
I guess we both share something similar, emptiness. We know how it feels because this place screams it. Depressing and alone.
“You made it,” I hear Ky’s voice coming through the open patio.
“Yeah, what’s up. What are going to get into?” Tyler asks.
Ky’s gaze lands on mine. “We need to make a run later.”
A run. A run for what? To me, a run means picking up drugs. It is what my stepfather used to say when he was running low on meth or heroin.
A cold, sinking feeling has me looking at Ky and trying to see if he is on anything, but I don’t see it. I would be able to tell.
“Rubiana.”
A hand passes an inch in front of my face trying to get my attention. I blink and look up.
“We were calling you and you were spacing out again,” Tyler says, and his hand falls to his side.
Ky places his hands together and points in my direction with his index fingers. “I’m letting you stay and hang out with us because of Tyler. This is your only warning. Don’t steal my shit or anything in this house, or you will be arrested. Got it?”
“What the fuck, Ky!”
Ky ignores Tyler’s outburst. His eyes never leaving mine. He wants to make his point. My eyes sting, and the pressure begins to build in the top of my nose, but I won’t break. I’m nothing I remind myself. I’m nothing but a potential problem.
“Don’t worry, there is nothing here to steal. It is too cold and empty in here for my taste,” I say sarcastically and walk outside to the patio.
I don’t want to be in this house. Funny how I longed to be allowed inside of this house for so long. I imagined it would look like a palace. A place where it was clean, smelled good, and his mom would bake cookies.
Parents who would eat dinner at the dining table and talk about their day, or discuss where we would like to go on vacation like Tyler, Caroline, and Stephen do almost every night. I imagined when a guest is in their home like Tyler’s friends, they would make them feel welcome. In the beginning I didn’t feel warmth when I sat at their table because I have to look at a man and remind myself that he never wanted me. I always thought Ky had it better.
