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“Tyler, chill. He’s bleeding. You split his lip wide open,” Chris says.
“Good, I hope the bitch tries to hit me back so I can drop his ass.” My eyes dart to Rubi again, but tears are falling down her cheeks and it breaks me. It breaks me because he is right. If it weren’t for me, they wouldn’t be here. Those bitches would have tried to hurt her, and even though Tyler got to her in time, they managed to hurt her in an even worse way.
“Don’t you dare look at her, you piece of shit,” Tyler spits in my face. “You ruined her day, and since you’re so curious about it, I’ll tell you. Maybe you will understand what torture and abuse is. When someone doesn’t love you and treats you like you are less than a dog. You want to know, huh. Do you? Answer me!” Tyler pushes me and I stumble back. I can’t fight back. Not for this. Not when she is crying and broken. I promised to break her, but not like this, not after witnessing her pain.
“I read her file. I wasn’t supposed to, but I did, and you know how she got those scars? She used to sneak off and see this little boy she thought was everything to her. She wouldn’t say his name or where she would go. Her piece of shit mother was so high, her stepfather would beat her every time he found out, but she kept taking it and taking it. All for a piece of shit boy who probably wasn’t worth the scars she has to wear on her skin forever. The therapist thought the little boy was made up.”
I think I’m about to throw up. I touch my face and my cheeks are wet. Tyler grips my hair and slaps my shirt on my chest. “It was a mistake to bring her here, so you stay away from her permanently because the last thing she needs is anything from you. Crying isn’t going to change anything. I have to hear her sobs at night, and I’m almost positive tonight will be no different. Now, thanks to you, I will have to hear my sister cry herself to sleep because I was too stupid to trust you on her birthday. She has never had a birthday, and after today, I don’t think she will ever want one, you selfish asshole.”
The things he is telling me pull out a memory from my mind I had thought were long buried. Something I missed but couldn’t figure out. There were signs, but I was just kid. We were both just kids.
“Hey, why are you making that face? Does something hurt?”
“No, I think I hurt myself when I was climbing the fence, it will go away in a few days. I think it’s because I don’t exercise that much.”
“Are you sure, Rubi? I could get you a Band-Aid if you scraped your knee.”
She scrunches her nose in that cute little way that I like. “It’s okay. I’ll be fine.”
“I’ll try to add wood so I can make it easier for you to climb over.” She smiles.
Her smile is beautiful. It reminds me of the sun and the moon because they both give light, and the world needs it just like I need her. I need her light. She is the most beautiful light I have ever seen.
After everyone leaves my house, I sit down on my bed and pull out the book where I kept her last letter and the dried-up daisy, and I open it and read it again and again. I sit on my bed, and I cry. I finally cry for her like I didn’t for my mother. I could never cry for my mother, but I cried for Rubi. I cried because I lost her smile. I lost my light. A light I didn’t deserve. I was the cause of her pain. She left because she couldn’t take it anymore, and I was too stupid to notice. I knew she lived on the poor side of town. I saw her dirty clothes, and she managed to always smell good for some reason. Like she sprayed perfume on herself before coming over. I didn’t care if she sprayed it or not. I wanted her anyway I could have her, and little did I know that having her in my life meant that she paid for it.
“I’m sorry,” I sob to anyone who can hear me. “I’m so sorry, Rubi.”
Ky
I KNOCK ONthe front door because I want to see Rubi. I knock and ring the doorbell a few times. Finally, I hear the lock turn, and when the door opens, Mr. Murray is standing on the threshold.
“What can I do you for you, Ky?”
I know they must think I'm a piece of like shit, but I need to see her. I need to tell her I’m sorry. I need to hold her. I need to make it right.
“I want to apologize to Rubi for what happened today. I didn’t know they would do that. They invited themselves, and I’m sorry.”
My apology doesn’t mean shit, but I need to see her.
“Ky, I don’t know how clear I’m going to make this. I never thought I would be saying this, but I need for you to understand something.” He crosses his arms over his chest and straightens to his full height. “You are the last person I want around Rubi. I don’t want you near her. To you, Rubi doesn’t exist. Tyler told me what happened, and I’m ashamed he trusted you to throw her a little party. Tyler holds himself accountable for not wanting Rubi here in the beginning, but now he understands her. Rubi has been through a lot, and it is my fault, but I will not allow a psychotic punk kid with abandonment issues to fuck up my daughter. Stay the hell away from her.” And with that, he turns and slams the door in my face.
It could have been worse. A lot worse. So I guess I will have to go with plan B.
I climb the same way up that I do most of the nights. I grimace when my shoulder brushes against my lip. It is already swelling. I make it over the rain gutter and climb to the window and slide it up a bit. I train my ear to see if she is in her closet, but can’t hear anything. Hope jumps up on the windowsill and begins to purr. I can hear the little bell I bought so I know where he is at all times. I don’t want him to escape because then Rubi would be devastated.
I slide the bag with the little box I brought with me and place it on the bench in front of the window. Hope jumps down and it allows me to slide inside the room, making minimal noise. The cat tries to sniff the box and I pull it away.
“Not for you, buddy, I bought you the good stuff over there,” I whisper.
I got him the canned cat food that has chicken in it because they gave Rubi the food that smells like rotten fish, and the litter box is horrible. Cat shit stinks like ass. I bought her one of those fancy self-cleaning litter boxes. It was a bitch getting that through the window when no one was home and she was sound asleep, though.
Rubi is really a deep sleeper. She doesn’t flinch when I carry her to the bed after she stops crying in her sleep. The bastard in me wanted her to pay for leaving me, but now I know why. I know why she didn’t come back when I was the cause of all of her pain for the entire year.
I take each step slowly, so I don’t make noise, and I pull the closet door open and find her like I always do when I come in to see her. Curled up in a little ball with sobs escaping her body from crying. She is wearing an oversized man’s with long sleeves. Imagining another man’s t-shirt on her body has me gritting my teeth. Jealousy eats me from the inside when I see that fabric. I want to rip it off her body.
I’m careful picking her up and lying her on the bed. I need to really talk to her about that. Maybe I’ll stay the night. When she wakes up, I’ll be the first thing she sees, and she will remember when I tell her how sorry I am. I won’t stop until she accepts every apology I have to offer. I won’t stop until I get her back. I don’t think I could ever let Rubi go. Not when I just found her again, and not when she is within my grasp.
I tuck her in and slide in beside her, holding her close to my chest. I take in her scent mixed with pool water and I just breathe her in. I take in the fullness of her lips I like to kiss so much. If she only knew how much I like her taste. She’s addicting and she is mine. Rubi will always be mine because she is my flower and I’m her earth. I take out a piece of paper from her desk and write her a note and leave it near her phone so she can wake up and read it just in case I don’t get to tell her what I want to say. Sometimes writing how you feel makes what you mean more genuine. I lie back on the bed letting sleep claim me as my eyes close and I fall asleep.
