Page 55 of He Loves Me Not


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“You have to leave,” I whisper.

“I’ll go for now, but I’ll never leave you and I’ll never let you leave me.”

“It’s over, Ky. It’s too late.” I reach over and take the note he wrote me and hand it to him. He looks down at it with a pained expression with his lip that is still swollen. “You got what you wanted. You broke me. Now all I want is for you to leave me alone.” I pause, my eyes welling up with tears as I look him deep in his eyes, because letting him go is the hardest thing I have ever done, but telling him to forget me is even worse. “You need to forget about me. You told me to never see you the other day. Now I ask you to do the same. Don’t come back, Ky.”

His looks down at the note like it is a fire that he cannot touch, or he will get burned. His eyes travel back up to my face, his expression unreadable. He pushes to get up, and in one motion his hand grips the back of my neck, dragging my face to his. Before I can protest, he presses his lips against mine in a single kiss. His firm lips against mine just like we did when we were eleven. My heart flutters in my chest, and before I close my eyes he pulls back and rasps, “Never.” He gets up and I watch as he expertly exits the bedroom window.

Hope jumps on the bed and begins to purr in the same spot Ky was just lying on and rubs his head against my hand so I can pet him. When I get to the collar where his bell jingles, I see it. A little charm with his name engraved, but when I flip it over, it has a letter K and R engraved on the other side. It was Ky. It was him coming in my room this whole time. My head turns to the nightstand, and I see a small box. I sit up and reach for so I can open it. It is a mini gourmet chocolate cake withHappy Birthday, Rubiwritten across it. I smile to myself because this is the first cake I have ever eaten for my birthday and I know why he picked this particular one. I told him I liked chocolate when we were kids. He remembers everything we said to each other…just like I do.

Ky

I LEFT HERthe box of cake withHappy Birthday, Rubiwritten across it on her nightstand. It was a mini cake I found in a gourmet bakery. It was chocolate. She told me one day all those years ago that her favorite flavor was chocolate.

We asked each other what our favorite candy was, and she said anything chocolate. There is nothing I don’t remember about her. I remember every curve of her face, and the two little freckles that are on her small nose. I remember her long straight hair when she would let it down and it would blow in the wind. But what I loved the most about her was her smile. Her smile hit me like a punch in the gut when it would break from her lips.

I open my locker and tape the worn letter with the flower on the inside of the door. I wanted to remind myself why I kept it. Because I could never let her go and I never will. I just hope she can forgive me.

“Ky, I need to talk to you.”

I turn around and Jen is standing behind me holding her book against her chest. I know she isn’t sorry about what she did because she was jealous of Rubi since the night at the party when I told her to make out with Nicole out of spite. I have known Jen and Nicole since middle school. They didn’t think I was good looking back then. They thought they were the popular girls and could have any guy. These were the types of girls who would bully other girls who weren’t pretty or didn’t have a nice body. The type who thought Patrick was cute when he didn’t stutter. Patrick used to bully me. He used to push me and trip me when I was in fifth and sixth grade. These were the types of kids Rubi and I hated. The type I use and treat like shit now because tit for tat. I’m the type who doesn’t feel sorry for hurting a girl I care about. The one girl I have eyes for. The one who was asleep in my arms the day before yesterday and will make sure to never let her get away again.

“There is nothing I have to say to you. I told you to leave me alone.”

“I’m sorry, Ky. Please. I know it was wrong, but you wanted us to mess with her.”

“And I told you to stop. A long time ago. What part of that didn’t you understand?”

Students in the halls are giving us curious stares. I’m sure they are trying to overhear our conversation. So I’ll give them something that will spread like wildfire.

“Get off my dick, Jen! I told you I don’t want you anymore. What you did to her at her birthday, you can bet your ass I’m going to make you pay for it. Now I suggest you leave me alone.” Her eyes widen in horror.

I just embarrassed her, and everyone heard it. By this afternoon, everyone will know that I canceled her ass. And this is just the beginning.

I turn around, leaving her slack-jawed in the hallway, and I see a familiar figure in a black hoodie behind a locker. I walk up to Rubi, but she doesn’t notice me, or she does and doesn’t want to acknowledge me, and that is fine. I’ll give her time.

There are a lot of things we need to discuss. Details about her past because I need names and locations. I hope she doesn’t think I’m going to let what happened to her go, because that is just not going to happen. Tyler’s dad called me psychotic, and maybe I am. Maybe I’m fucked up.

Rubi is broken, and I know I didn’t help her cause since she arrived at Westlake, but I plan to change all that. Piece by piece I will put all the broken parts back the way I want them. And she will like it because I did it. I’m the only one who cared and the only one who understands her.

She closes the door of her locker, and our eyes are fixated on each other. I love to stare at her even when I hated her for leaving me. Even when she was not looking, I would stare. I tried not to, but I can’t help it. I want to make sure I memorize everything about her and don’t want to miss something. And the weird part about it is, I always find something new. Something I missed the last time I saw her. She was my favorite person since I first met her, and she always will be.

The dreams I have had about her throughout the years she was gone make sense. Maybe it was her soul crying out for me to save her. Maybe it was the connection we have that was telling us there was something wrong. Whatever it was, I could see her, but I couldn’t see her face in those dreams, and now I can, and I can’t help but stare.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

Her eyes glance downward, and her lips are pulled inward, forming a thin line. I know I royally fucked up with her. Her brother and father don’t want me around her, but I was never one to listen, and always did whatever the fuck I wanted. Like right now.

“Do you want to get out of here?”

That causes her to lift her head quickly, her eyes are angry, and I think I know why. It doesn’t take a genius to figure it out, but the anger I see reflected in her eyes is different.

“I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want you around me. I already told you to leave me alone.” She leans close and I smile because that is not going happen. “I hate you. And stop coming into my room.”

I like how she doesn’t back down. I like how she isn’t going to make this easy, but I have the rest of the year to convince her. To keep her. Because she isn’t going anywhere.

I walk toward her until her back hits the locker, and my nose is rubbing against her cheek, and my lips are close to her ear. I lick her earlobe and I whisper, “Make me.”

She pushes against me, and I chuckle. This is going to be fun. She doesn’t know how crazy I can get. They fear me in Westlake for a reason. There is a reason Cesar didn’t call us out when we did the run. I’m sure he kept that bit to himself. She doesn’t know that I’m always two steps ahead. I’m always in control. She holds secrets about her past. She has every right to hate me but she will understand why everyone here fears me.

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