Page 6 of He Loves Me Not


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He then presses a button on his Mercedes sedan and places the car in park. He bends his head and looks at the dark wood double doors of the impressive two-story home. He wipes his hand over his face and turns his head to find me looking straight ahead. I don’t owe this man or his family shit, to be honest and don’t want them to give me anything either. I get that it’s not his precious wife or son’s fault, but it’s not mine either and I didn’t ask for any of this.

“Rubiana, I’m sorry for what you have been through. I don’t know what to say or what I could say to make anything right. All I know is that I have made a decision and I’m going to stick to it. I don’t expect you to like me or forgive me in anyway. You have every right to feel disappointed and angry with me, but please direct it at me and not at Caroline or Tyler. They have accepted my decision and they both feel that I have made the right choice to take you in…and each of them acknowledge that you are my daughter. I talked to the judge at the hearing, and she agreed that this would be good for you. I know you have had a hard life, and had I known…” he trails off, taking a deep breath, and continues. “I’m just sorry. I don’t know what I’m doing or how to even talk to you. Just, please try. It is all I’m asking. When you graduate, you can do whatever you want. Go wherever you want. I won’t hold you hostage any longer than what the court requires.”

I cross my arms over my chest listening to him. All I hear, though, is his guilt. This isn’t about me, but himself. I get it. It’s all good. It’s pity. So I do what I’ve done for a long time…I look at the house in front of me like it’s my next prison. At least it’s better than foster care, I guess. I have a few boxes to check off: complete my senior year, graduate, and then I’m outta here. I can start my life on my own terms then, and answer to no one but myself.

“Fine, I’ll play house. Don’t expect me to be all grateful and giddy that you swooped in to save me because I’m not.”

He lets out another breath he must have been holding. “Fair enough. I do want to tell you that we have a few more rules.” I quirk a brow. “No boys in your room. I need to know where you are at all times. Curfew is at eleven p.m. on school nights, and midnight on weekends, unless you are out with Tyler. He knows to keep you out of trouble. No fighting at school. Show us respect, and everything else will fall in line. It’s not too much to ask. There is a cellphone in your room, uniforms for school, and I will take you tomorrow after school to get anything else you need.”

I rest my head against the headrest and look out at the dark wooden front doors like they are a portal to my impending doom. “Anything else?”

“Yeah, remember not to give Caroline a hard time.”

There he goes again about Caroline. He must really love her. It’s a shame I don’t know what that emotion is like.

“I have one rule,” I say, closing the door with a small thud and meeting his gaze across the roof of his black car.

“Okay, what is it?”

I pull the hood of my sweater off my braided hair and look him in the eyes. “You read my file?”

He averts his eyes and clears his throat. “I did.”

He must have seen the pictures that tell half the truths of my past. What could be seen from the things I went through. Physical things that appear on your skin that are hints of the suffering you endured, like notes left on your flesh that tell a story that no one should have to read. How can he possibly understand or know. Only a person who has gone through something similar could recognize the signs of evil. Everything that he must have seen in my file is proof of the physical part. The mental part is the greatest pain of my story…and that can’t be read in a file or put into words.

It’s a pain no one would ever know.

The secrets you keep.

The secrets that define the memories you play in your head.

The ones that have you not giving a fuck anymore.

“All I ask is that you make sure you keep my past to yourself. I already have your pity. The last thing I need is theirs.”

Ky

“SO HOW WASthe meet and greet?” I ask Tyler in a sarcastic voice.

“Nothing like I expected,” he says, gripping his Algebra 2 textbook in his right hand and watching me grab mine from my locker before slamming it closed.

“What do you mean?”

He runs his hand through his dirty blond hair in obvious frustration. “She doesn’t talk much. Clipped answers. Yes, no, thank you, hello. That’s it.”

Chris walks up to us, obviously only hearing the last part. “Is she hot?”

Tyler snaps his eyes at Chris. “Dude, what the fuck? The last thing I was doing was checking out a girl who shows up in my house as my half-sister. You don’t see me asking you the same about your sister Abby. It’s weird as fuck.”

Chris tenses at the mention of his sister, who is the only chick we protect on the cheerleading team. She’s pretty but not my type, and too nice for her own good. I’ve caught Tyler checking her out a bunch of times but keep that to myself. I don’t think Chris has noticed, but I’m not going to put Tyler out there like that. We all have eyes, and they are meant to look, to watch. If a fine ass chick walks by or shows you something, it’s your God-given right to admire. I don’t give a fuck who you are. It works both ways. Girls check out guys all the time too.

Chris places his hand in a friendly way on Tyler’s shoulder. “My bad, brother. I was trying to make light out of a messed-up situation. I appreciate you respecting Abby.” His gaze finds mine. “Thanks for helping me out with her and keeping these assholes away from her since eighth grade.”

Abby is short for Abigail. She is only one year and a few months younger than Chris. We call him Chris for short, but she prefers to call him by his full name Christian. I can tell it annoys him sometimes, but he loves his sister and protects her as he should. Up until now, Chris was the only one with a sibling, but now Tyler has a sister. So that leaves me being the only one who is an only child.

“So when do we get to meet your sister?” I ask Tyler.

His face turns into a scowl. “She is not my sister. She’s my father’s mistake, not mine. I don’t know her, and I’m not interested in getting to know her. So you guys getting to meet her has nothing to do with me.”

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